Sadconfused

He came and got his cloths and some small stuff at lunch. Some very unfortunate events lead to his leaving and I would be lying if I said I wasnt heartbroken. He hasnt drank in 2 days. He told our daughter goodbye and he would stop by and see her tomorrow. He hugged me and cried and apologized for pushing me away, for hurting me and he wished more than anything that I would just stop him from leaving. All I could do was stand there and sob, if I stopped him nothing would change, it might for a little while but in the end we would end up right back were we are. We have been here before, it never permanently changes. I feel guilty, he is sleeping in his car, I told him he could stay in the room in the garage but he said it would be too hard. Every inch of me screams he is just bs'ing me, trying to make me feel bad enough to change my mind, manipulate me and a small part of me wants to fall back into fairytale land. I need strength and support, I have no local. My best friend is 100 miles away and the rest of my family are so wrapped up in themselves they dont even notice. I am hurting, I didnt think it would hurt this bad, I thought I had prepared myself. I know he will get over it, being away will help him mourn and move on or bury himself in booze. Either way, I gave him so many chances and he never wanted them until it was too late. Its not my burden but I feel so crappy.

fedup3

I'm so sorry Sadconfused, I pray that God sends something your way today to ease the pain, give you comfort and put a smile on your face as well!

firebolt

I'm so sorry - take care of yourself, and stay strong. You are right he is trying to make you feel bad enough to let him stay - it won't change - you are doing the right thing, painful as it is right now! (((HUGS)))

honeypig

Sadconfused, I would highly recommend checking into Alanon and getting to a meeting sooner rather than later. What you are going thru is just too hard to do alone, and even tho SR is wonderful, an online forum has its limitations.

Here is the link to find a meeting http://www.al-anon.alateen.org/

You'll get a lot of support there; it should help you a lot. Please at least check into it.

Wishing you strength and clarity.

nbay2013

Sadconfused,

I am so sorry you have to go through this. There is no way to sugarcoat the difficulty. I promise it will get better.

For me, having as much support and sometimes just distraction helps a little and eventually helps a lot. Al-Anon for sure! And a therapist if you can.

Sadconfused

Thank you all, he left all of 2 hours ago. He just called first asking "are you sure? I cant believe you could just drop me like this? I think I deserve another chance." Then when I didnt say what he wanted to hear it turned to anger and the threat of oh thats fine I will stay in my car until I can afford a place and then we will see cause I aint living all alone without my daughter. I feel guilt and anger but mostly I can see he is so effning full of it. What I did was wrong, I made the same mistake as before and it still wasnt enough for him to walk away and he expects me to believe he is over it, that he wont choke me again, he wont put a pillow over my face, that he wont instantly start drinking and crap the min he get comfortable and feels like he has me on the bait. I need to escape, I need to leave and get away. I am so overwhelmed with emotions right now its unreal.

nbay2013

When I broke it off my the ex over a year ago it was really intense. Phone calls; name calling, suicide threat, then i love you, I need you, you can't do this! Even now, writing this I feel my heart beat faster and feel anxiety. It is crazy difficult. Overwhelmed is normal. You are doing awesome, stay strong. Keep writing here. It really helps.

Argnotthisagain

Dear Sad.... those are horrible things he did to you!!!!! You are doing the right thing--I sooooo wish it FELT like doing the right thing for us!!

AlAnon is a good safe place if you can. So helpful to have caring and understanding. A serene place surrounded by kindness, which you need right now!! You can just sit and cry if you want and it's ok.

You are strong! You know the difference between truth and lies now! You will feel and be better!!

fedupbeyondall

Wishing you strength and hope. I do agree with Honeypig. Al-Anon would be a fantastic asset to you right now. Especially since you don't have anyone local to lean on for support.

dandylion

sadconfused, you have been abused and you do not deserve to live like that--nobody does!! I am so glad to hear that you are taking courageous steps to take care of yourself.

Dear sadconfused, please consider contacting the local domestic violence center and speaking to a counselor. All you have to do is pick up the phone and let them know that you could use some help. They have lots of resources at their fingertips and they exist only to be of help. there will be no judgement or pressure. They deal with situations like yours every day. They can also help you to get a counselor or therapist who can be of enormous comfort and support for you.

Also there is us (SR) and, of course, alanon.

There is so much help from people who truly understand. You are not alone.

Keep posting and let us know how you are doing.

You are so right--there is no reason to think he has suddenly changed. You are doing the right thing. Letting him back in would just bring you m ore of the same misery yoou have been living with.

You can do this!!!!!!!

dandylion