OnawaMiniya

What happens if you tell a therapist your husband is abusive?

Please no judging. I can't deal with it right now.

Thank you.

OnawaMiniya

There are no children involved. And I'm in NY if that makes a difference.

thislonelygirl

Im not sure but usually its confidential between you and therapist.
Therapist is on your side and she or he is there for you to help you and listen to you.
No kids involved so if your afraid dont be.
I wish you the best. Abuse is a serious matter and I couldnt imagine anyone bashing you.
Unless theyve been abused. ..they dont know the trap and the mind games done to the victim. This makes seeking help difficult and I know that this is probably your case as well so I wish you the best and I hope you are able to reach out. A therapist will allow you to speak up for yourself and help you heal as much as possible.
Good luck.

LexieCat

According to this page, only injuries caused by weapons or burns must be reported by medical staff. "There is no mandatory reporting of adult domestic violence in New York State."

Flicka57

You probably signed a waiver agreement when you first started. It will state in there what the therapist must disclose to authorities if necessary based on the laws in your state.

DreamsofSerenity

Onawa,

Are you okay? It was a concerning post.

HUGS

OnawaMiniya

I'm ok DOS, thank you, you're sweet

Have an appointment on the 26th, was referred this morning. Might call other places to see if I can get in sooner.

Thanks, everyone, I appreciate it.

Peace.

OnawaMiniya

Thank you for that link.

ShootingStar1

From my experience, the more people that you tell, the more support you will get. It was a freeing experience to finally feel that I was not obligated to "protect" my husband by not acknowledging his abuse.

When you can talk to others, you begin to get feedback about what normal relationships are, and empathy for what you have been going through. That gave me so much perspective that I just couldn't get sitting alone on the couch beside him night after night while he drank and raged.

The feedback I got here on SoberRecovery when I posted the details - and the truth - of his behavior to me were what finally got through to me about how bad the situation truly was. Without disclosing the truth of what my life was like, I would never have understood that life didn't have to be like that.

If you don't feel comfortable posting in this public forum, you can PM a few of us and talk openly in a more private setting.

Take care,

ShootingStar1

MTSlideAddict

I second this. It felt like a huge load off my shoulders just to talk about it. Even with everything else going on the physical abuse was the one thing I would never admit to. I finally told my therapist about it two months ago or so. The therapist did not alert the authorities and it was really helpful to me.

love4menotu

OM-

You know I just went through this and had to leave my husband.

PM me if you need anything... and whatever you tell your therapist is confidential unless their are children in the home.

Lyn

OnawaMiniya

Thank you all so much for the kind words and offers to talk about it in detail. I so appreciate it.

I'm so glad I stumbled upon this place and so many wonderful, kind, helpful and understanding people.

Really...

bobbysocks

I dont know the laws in your state, but if you are being abused- PLEASE GET HELP NOW! Dont allow someone to abuse you in any way! There is help out there!!

OnawaMiniya

Thank you bobbysocks. I appreciate that. Even though he has not had a drink in a bit under a week, he is still just a control freak and an authoritative jacka55. I'm over it. I'm not often the type to seek out help, I'm almost always able to sort things out on my own and find the inner strength to make changes. I think that's probably one of the things that makes it harder to actually reach out for help when I DO need it. Maybe the hardest thing.

But I do need help. I have an appt with a counselor on the 26th. I'm glad to not only have a chance to work through things, but to ask her about any resources available to me that I might not be aware of.

I know people do occasionally have incredible realizations, and do complete and genuine turnarounds. However, this is the exception and not the rule. Better to face this now when I have less than a year of marriage, than to suffer more and longer.

Honestly I think the biggest barrier as to why I was not gone pretty much immediately is my health. It makes everything harder. I'm not going to go into it much. And I know that a lot of people have a hard time understanding just how much your health can impact day to day living - I mean, things people would never even think of are a huge struggle. I'm not trying to whine...It's just so bleeping frustrating, because mentally I am the type that would not put up with HALF of this bull.

Sigh. I'm hopeful that counseling can help me put things into perspective and remove obstacles I do have control over. Been thinking of writing down some things I want to talk about for when I go. Think I'll get started on that now, actually.

Thanks bobbysocks, and everyone.

Peace.

new beginnings

I am so sorry you are having to face this. Do you have family or friends you can stay with? I think telling your therapist will be a huge comfort to you. I went to a therapist that specializes in abusive relationships and substance abuse. After he met with my AH and myself twice together, he suggested we see him separately. In the first separate meeting he told me I had to get out and gave me different suggestions on how to so that. This was before I knew my AH was an A. Unfortunately, because children are involved, I have not been able to leave the situation, yet. But I found great comfort in someone else seeing the behavior. It was a justification that I wasn't "crazy" or to blame as my AH likes to throw at me. I think it will help you tremendously to talk to someone. Especially someone that is confidential and will absolutely not judge. SR is also a great place to talk because I have not seen too much judging on here.
I am sending you positive thoughts. I don't know your physical situation, but try and look up DV shelters and see if there is one that fits your needs if you don't have family or friends where you can go. You do NOT deserve to be treated with anything other than kindness and respect and love!

lillamy

I don't have debilitating health problems but one of my kids does. And it's no joke when you some days have to struggle to even walk down the stairs or brush your hair. There's nothing easy about that.

And there's no judging allowed of a victim of domestic violence, or how he or she gooses to handle it.

Big hugs, friend. You'll figure it out.

sugarbear1

Try calling your state's domestic violence program or abused person's program and get some support and education. It helped me immensely!

Hugs to you

Seren

Hello Onawa,

I'm so glad you are taking this step to get the help you need!

I am providing two links here that I think might help you. The first is a thread in which a lot of information has been compiled--resources, phone numbers, how to make an emergency plan in a potentially dangerous situation, etc.

http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...out-abuse.html

This second thread is about how to recognize if you are being abused. Sometimes, with a person who is an alcoholic, we tend to shift the blame to the alcohol.

http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...hat-abuse.html

Sending hugs!