Getting Better, Slowly, But Arrrgh
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Mar 2012
Location: Ontario, Canada
Posts: 76
Getting Better, Slowly, But Arrrgh
Hey everyone,
So I graduated from university and landed a spot in a verrry prestigious nursing program that is only two years (condensed). My AF has slowly been improving. Got a raise at work, has not missed work except when he's very ill (flu) etc.
He's been cutting down rather than stopping cold turkey. A few times in the past three months I have found him passed out though. It does concern me. He is usually lying in a puddle of his own urine. Triggers seem to be:
The other day he visited the liquor store and had a normal experience. Bought a small $6 bottle of whiskey (in Canada, those are at the liquor store by the counters). He drank it over a period of six hours and went to bed.
I can say he is getting better in the sense that he doesn't drink every day anymore and that it doesn't always end in passing out, but the occasional passing out episode has me worried.
He's been talking about putting himself in a detox program only on weekends. Ideally he doesn't want to sleep there or take up a bed, he just wants to partake in the activities like AA meetings and socializing with others.
Is this not contradictory to wanting to learn to control it? Is he quacking?
He's supposed to come over tonight to see me and the kids but I called him this afternoon and I told him to stay home. I don't know what came over me but being on the forums and reading the stories again had me come to a realization that he probably isn't capable of loving me if he loves alcohol. Yes I want to see him, yes I want to be with him, but I love myself more today.
So I graduated from university and landed a spot in a verrry prestigious nursing program that is only two years (condensed). My AF has slowly been improving. Got a raise at work, has not missed work except when he's very ill (flu) etc.
He's been cutting down rather than stopping cold turkey. A few times in the past three months I have found him passed out though. It does concern me. He is usually lying in a puddle of his own urine. Triggers seem to be:
- Weekend
- I'm not there (to babysit him? ugh)
- Boredom
- Thinks he won't get caught
The other day he visited the liquor store and had a normal experience. Bought a small $6 bottle of whiskey (in Canada, those are at the liquor store by the counters). He drank it over a period of six hours and went to bed.
I can say he is getting better in the sense that he doesn't drink every day anymore and that it doesn't always end in passing out, but the occasional passing out episode has me worried.
He's been talking about putting himself in a detox program only on weekends. Ideally he doesn't want to sleep there or take up a bed, he just wants to partake in the activities like AA meetings and socializing with others.
Is this not contradictory to wanting to learn to control it? Is he quacking?
He's supposed to come over tonight to see me and the kids but I called him this afternoon and I told him to stay home. I don't know what came over me but being on the forums and reading the stories again had me come to a realization that he probably isn't capable of loving me if he loves alcohol. Yes I want to see him, yes I want to be with him, but I love myself more today.
A work in progress
Join Date: Jul 2010
Location: South Jersey
Posts: 16,633
He's not "getting better"--trust me. I was able to compartmentalize my drinking even at the end--to get a "sober" day in here and there, or even a couple. My alcoholism and withdrawal symptoms continued to get worse.
Member
Join Date: Jan 2013
Location: New York
Posts: 877
My ex went through times when he genuinely seemed to be getting better as well. He'd go to AA, cut down and never drink around me. He wasn't really any better at all. As soon as they get wasted again, they are right back to where they started.
I don't believe an alcoholic can get better unless he gets totally sober and works a recovery program. My ex did the half-a$$ed recovery thing like your AF sounds like he is proposing to do. I think people who really want to recover, submit fully to treatment. The weekend thing sounds like he is trying to appease you but isn't really ready to let go of the booze. The not wanting to take up a bed thing sounds like he is still in that stage where he thinks he is different than the other A's.
My ex tried to get better, and went to AA for three long years while we were together. His alcoholism progressed. His emotional and verbal abuse got worse, and our relationship ended when he coldly abandoned me to protect his addiction. I wish I had left him as soon as I realized he was an alcoholic. Loving him was one of the most painful things I have ever experienced in my life..and I'm no stranger to pain.
I commend you for telling your AF not to come over. Please keep reading on SR. Take care of yourself and your kiddos!!
HUGS
I don't believe an alcoholic can get better unless he gets totally sober and works a recovery program. My ex did the half-a$$ed recovery thing like your AF sounds like he is proposing to do. I think people who really want to recover, submit fully to treatment. The weekend thing sounds like he is trying to appease you but isn't really ready to let go of the booze. The not wanting to take up a bed thing sounds like he is still in that stage where he thinks he is different than the other A's.
My ex tried to get better, and went to AA for three long years while we were together. His alcoholism progressed. His emotional and verbal abuse got worse, and our relationship ended when he coldly abandoned me to protect his addiction. I wish I had left him as soon as I realized he was an alcoholic. Loving him was one of the most painful things I have ever experienced in my life..and I'm no stranger to pain.
I commend you for telling your AF not to come over. Please keep reading on SR. Take care of yourself and your kiddos!!
HUGS
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