neighbors daughter is being molested I'm compleatly freaked out
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Join Date: Sep 2009
Location: Midwest
Posts: 3,210
neighbors daughter is being molested I'm compleatly freaked out
I've had a week from hell. I'm trying to sort out how to snap out of this horrible immobilized state I'm in. Separate myself from bad news about others. I know it's not happening to me intellectually, but my body sure doesn't.
I spent three days preparing for testimony about women and PTSD, and when I got to the committee hearing some nut job tried to attack me, a man I have had previous encounters with who is clearly insane and obsessed with me. Great. I went to a hearing to testify about my PTSD and was triggered horribly. Seems cosmically bizarre. I am getting help from an attorney friend I know to file a restraining order, but I resent the time and work it's taking to do that as well. My anger is off the chart.
My friend and I had spent two days processing our childhood sexual abuse in preparation for the testimony. When I got home, exhausted and triggered, by neighbor told me that their little five year old daughter is being molested by both her 9 year old brother and 12 year old cousin. Her mom is a social worker, so she had to call the police to file a report and deal with CPS or she could lose her license.
I cannot articulate how this has affected me. I keep trying to tell myself it's not happening to me, but there is a deeper message or lessen for me here I think. I just don't know what.
I have been struggling with these children and have posted about it here. The daughter has zero boundaries, zero. I have seen her run onto the sidewalk and try to climb into a baby stroller as parents are pushing their baby by. they also were shocked and upset by it, so that helped me because I have been consistently shocked and very upset by the way both of these children behave and wondering what the hell is wrong with me. Then I wonder what is wrong with my neighbors, what is wrong with other people.
She will walk right into my house and grab anything she sees. Once I agreed to watch then at night while the mom ran an errand and the little girl would not stay in her room or go to sleep. she took all of her clothes off . She wanted water then spilled it. She was hungry. She had to go potty. She came out of her room crying that she was scared.
I did not handle this well. I was totally freaked out for days. I couldn't figure out what was wrong wtih me. I have never seen a child behave the way she does. Now I know what is wrong with me, I was in a house where that baby has been molested and she was terrified, I cna't believe i reacted that way to her. I can't believe how this has affected me. I realized last week that I have been in survival mode for years from living with an AH, barely able to function most of the time and had a good jump on reclaiming my life, but I have been witnessing what this looks like from my neighbors and reacted very strongly to it and didn't know why.
I can barely talk to the mother, and we have been meeting at the fence to smoke together and share food for a long time, years. She is handling this so well, and I'm sure her children will get the help they need.
The weirdest part is that even with the trauma and shock of all this, I know that she is ending this cycle of abuse that is so prevalent in our society. So prevalent. I had just testified that the Feds estimate one in four women are sexually abused and I think we all have PTSD from it. Now I see from this situation in the house next to me how that cycle will be stopped.
The parents of the 12 year old boy are protecting him. I hope they burn in hell for all eternity.
I was happy with the boundary I created with the little girl. I was disgusted and furious with her brother, to the point where I can't be around him. I think he's a sociopath. I know his parents will get him therapy (if the police don't charge him which is more than insane to me, he doesn't need a police encounter he needs treatment) but my emotions are just so freaking high I can't function. I slept all day yesterday and today every muscle hurts and I am like a drunken lion, roaring and raging about everything. I feel like I"m in an altered state.
I'm very close with the parents and the mother is amazing. I have issues with the dad because he's so macho. I tried to get him some aloe for a burn recently and he yelled, " stop treating me like a p&ssy!" and I told him not to ever ******* talk to me like that again. Ever. He plays Call of Duty with his son for gods sake. Cause you know, that's what men do.
I am going crazy you guys. I have endured misogynistic BS my whole life from my cop alcoholic father, from bosses and especially in my work doing legislative advocacy work. Do you have any idea how sexist politicians are? I clearly have to either leave this planet in order to get away from it, or stay away from guns and sharp things and drug myself to high heaven. I'd go in a psychiatric facility right now if I could.
Something horrible is happening to me. I have been freaking out for months about societal misogyny and am triggered not only by the how the father acts but also by the way I see this boy treat his sister. AH has told me its none of my business, but it happens in full view of my yard and within 15 feet of my window. I have to endure hearing this BS based solely on our proximity to each other, I don't go out looking for it.
for now, there is peace from next door. Both parents stayed home from work all last week and they are working over time to keep tabs on their kids. The brother hasn't yelled at his sister once that I"ve heard, which is fantastic, and they're not yelling at her either but rather much nicer.
All I need to do now is delete that I ever heard any of it and let go and get on with my life, but unplugging the reptilian part of my brain that lives in fight or flight seems impossible.
I spent three days preparing for testimony about women and PTSD, and when I got to the committee hearing some nut job tried to attack me, a man I have had previous encounters with who is clearly insane and obsessed with me. Great. I went to a hearing to testify about my PTSD and was triggered horribly. Seems cosmically bizarre. I am getting help from an attorney friend I know to file a restraining order, but I resent the time and work it's taking to do that as well. My anger is off the chart.
My friend and I had spent two days processing our childhood sexual abuse in preparation for the testimony. When I got home, exhausted and triggered, by neighbor told me that their little five year old daughter is being molested by both her 9 year old brother and 12 year old cousin. Her mom is a social worker, so she had to call the police to file a report and deal with CPS or she could lose her license.
I cannot articulate how this has affected me. I keep trying to tell myself it's not happening to me, but there is a deeper message or lessen for me here I think. I just don't know what.
I have been struggling with these children and have posted about it here. The daughter has zero boundaries, zero. I have seen her run onto the sidewalk and try to climb into a baby stroller as parents are pushing their baby by. they also were shocked and upset by it, so that helped me because I have been consistently shocked and very upset by the way both of these children behave and wondering what the hell is wrong with me. Then I wonder what is wrong with my neighbors, what is wrong with other people.
She will walk right into my house and grab anything she sees. Once I agreed to watch then at night while the mom ran an errand and the little girl would not stay in her room or go to sleep. she took all of her clothes off . She wanted water then spilled it. She was hungry. She had to go potty. She came out of her room crying that she was scared.
I did not handle this well. I was totally freaked out for days. I couldn't figure out what was wrong wtih me. I have never seen a child behave the way she does. Now I know what is wrong with me, I was in a house where that baby has been molested and she was terrified, I cna't believe i reacted that way to her. I can't believe how this has affected me. I realized last week that I have been in survival mode for years from living with an AH, barely able to function most of the time and had a good jump on reclaiming my life, but I have been witnessing what this looks like from my neighbors and reacted very strongly to it and didn't know why.
I can barely talk to the mother, and we have been meeting at the fence to smoke together and share food for a long time, years. She is handling this so well, and I'm sure her children will get the help they need.
The weirdest part is that even with the trauma and shock of all this, I know that she is ending this cycle of abuse that is so prevalent in our society. So prevalent. I had just testified that the Feds estimate one in four women are sexually abused and I think we all have PTSD from it. Now I see from this situation in the house next to me how that cycle will be stopped.
The parents of the 12 year old boy are protecting him. I hope they burn in hell for all eternity.
I was happy with the boundary I created with the little girl. I was disgusted and furious with her brother, to the point where I can't be around him. I think he's a sociopath. I know his parents will get him therapy (if the police don't charge him which is more than insane to me, he doesn't need a police encounter he needs treatment) but my emotions are just so freaking high I can't function. I slept all day yesterday and today every muscle hurts and I am like a drunken lion, roaring and raging about everything. I feel like I"m in an altered state.
I'm very close with the parents and the mother is amazing. I have issues with the dad because he's so macho. I tried to get him some aloe for a burn recently and he yelled, " stop treating me like a p&ssy!" and I told him not to ever ******* talk to me like that again. Ever. He plays Call of Duty with his son for gods sake. Cause you know, that's what men do.
I am going crazy you guys. I have endured misogynistic BS my whole life from my cop alcoholic father, from bosses and especially in my work doing legislative advocacy work. Do you have any idea how sexist politicians are? I clearly have to either leave this planet in order to get away from it, or stay away from guns and sharp things and drug myself to high heaven. I'd go in a psychiatric facility right now if I could.
Something horrible is happening to me. I have been freaking out for months about societal misogyny and am triggered not only by the how the father acts but also by the way I see this boy treat his sister. AH has told me its none of my business, but it happens in full view of my yard and within 15 feet of my window. I have to endure hearing this BS based solely on our proximity to each other, I don't go out looking for it.
for now, there is peace from next door. Both parents stayed home from work all last week and they are working over time to keep tabs on their kids. The brother hasn't yelled at his sister once that I"ve heard, which is fantastic, and they're not yelling at her either but rather much nicer.
All I need to do now is delete that I ever heard any of it and let go and get on with my life, but unplugging the reptilian part of my brain that lives in fight or flight seems impossible.
Member
Join Date: Nov 2009
Location: Waterford MI
Posts: 4,202
transform,
I am so very sorry for this horrible mess.
You have been courageous in the face of your worst fears,
(testifying about your PTSD and abuse)
give yourself big big props for that!
I know I do! (give you big credit).
Obviously, the little girl was being abused and that is why she
was acting out so much, and why you had such a reaction to her.
Give yourself a break for being so reactive, it has been a long
life of abuse, and terror and rage.
You have done more than anyone can expect from a woman who has
been victimized.
the guy showing up at the hearing? wow, that is cosmically bizarre,
and yes, I hope you strap him down with some kind of legal order.
The only thing I can think of right now is that at least someone knows
about the little girl, and steps are being taken to remedy the situation.
You need to worry ONLY about you and your kids.
Your fears and reptilian brain keep reaching into the past
or awfulizing the future, and the stress will make you sick.
I should say that I understand how you are feeling, because
I have been driven by fear too.
My way of dealing with it was alcohol, so I did not have to feel it.
Instead, I felt a deep shame for not being there for my children.
If you could delete it, that would be great.
But the only thing I know to say about this, is for now, it is over.
It is in the past, the past will not change, and it can no longer hurt you.
If your life's work is to save women and children from abuse,
you will have to find a way to desensitize yourself, or you will
be in a constant state of distress.
Misogyny is a fact of life, just as you said. I have no doubts about
what you say about some politicians but, they will have to be dealt
with (changing laws). If dealing with them brings you pain,
anger, and freshens your wounds then maybe you can find another
way to be that warrior for abused women and children.
Your reptilian brain could be keeping you from being an effective
advocate, and I would hate that for YOU.
As far as your AH saying it is none of your business?
I bet. He would not want what he does to be anyone's business.
Do you have a way to calm yourself? (without chemicals
)
Meditation? Being creative? Reading? Writing?
Oh yes, of course you write.
I am just reaching for ways to help you.
Let your love of life drive you, instead of fear.
You are doing such good work, I just do not want the work to ruin you.
Sending positive vibes your way,
Beth
I am so very sorry for this horrible mess.
You have been courageous in the face of your worst fears,
(testifying about your PTSD and abuse)
give yourself big big props for that!
I know I do! (give you big credit).
Obviously, the little girl was being abused and that is why she
was acting out so much, and why you had such a reaction to her.
Give yourself a break for being so reactive, it has been a long
life of abuse, and terror and rage.
You have done more than anyone can expect from a woman who has
been victimized.
the guy showing up at the hearing? wow, that is cosmically bizarre,
and yes, I hope you strap him down with some kind of legal order.
The only thing I can think of right now is that at least someone knows
about the little girl, and steps are being taken to remedy the situation.
You need to worry ONLY about you and your kids.
Your fears and reptilian brain keep reaching into the past
or awfulizing the future, and the stress will make you sick.
I should say that I understand how you are feeling, because
I have been driven by fear too.
My way of dealing with it was alcohol, so I did not have to feel it.
Instead, I felt a deep shame for not being there for my children.
All I need to do now is delete that I ever heard any of it and let go and get on with my life, but unplugging the reptilian part of my brain that lives in fight or flight seems impossible.
But the only thing I know to say about this, is for now, it is over.
It is in the past, the past will not change, and it can no longer hurt you.
If your life's work is to save women and children from abuse,
you will have to find a way to desensitize yourself, or you will
be in a constant state of distress.
Misogyny is a fact of life, just as you said. I have no doubts about
what you say about some politicians but, they will have to be dealt
with (changing laws). If dealing with them brings you pain,
anger, and freshens your wounds then maybe you can find another
way to be that warrior for abused women and children.
Your reptilian brain could be keeping you from being an effective
advocate, and I would hate that for YOU.
As far as your AH saying it is none of your business?
I bet. He would not want what he does to be anyone's business.
Do you have a way to calm yourself? (without chemicals
)Meditation? Being creative? Reading? Writing?
Oh yes, of course you write.
I am just reaching for ways to help you.
Let your love of life drive you, instead of fear.
You are doing such good work, I just do not want the work to ruin you.
Sending positive vibes your way,
Beth
Guest
Join Date: Apr 2013
Posts: 150
Hi Transform-
You didn't know she was being abused. You didn't know.
You had a reaction to odd behaviour from a child, perhaps deep down, you intuited that something was very wrong.
And your instincts were right.
God watch over and protect her. She is safe now. So are you.
Lyn
You didn't know she was being abused. You didn't know.
You had a reaction to odd behaviour from a child, perhaps deep down, you intuited that something was very wrong.
And your instincts were right.
God watch over and protect her. She is safe now. So are you.
Lyn
Member
Join Date: Oct 2006
Location: right here, right now
Posts: 6,516
I'm not surprised that's hitting you like a ton of bricks. At all.
My therapist says that a lot of what we do as adults is sort of trying to go back and fix out broken childhoods. If that's true, it would make perfect sense if you recognized yourself in this little girl - and it sounds like you sort of blame yourself for not being able to read her mind and help her earlier.
Here's the thing though - and you probably know this already - over 80% of Children who are sexually abused don't tell anyone until they are adults. I don't know what percentage never speak about it.
I'm sorry all of this is coming down around you right now.
My therapist says that a lot of what we do as adults is sort of trying to go back and fix out broken childhoods. If that's true, it would make perfect sense if you recognized yourself in this little girl - and it sounds like you sort of blame yourself for not being able to read her mind and help her earlier.
Here's the thing though - and you probably know this already - over 80% of Children who are sexually abused don't tell anyone until they are adults. I don't know what percentage never speak about it.
I'm sorry all of this is coming down around you right now.
Member
Join Date: May 2012
Location: Rochester, ny
Posts: 405
It does seem like everything that could make you triggered is happening all around you!
You already got the best wonderful advice here-- nothing I can add....
Just do want to say that I've had the experience of going through some trauma or other and suddenly other things start happening that are weirdly resonant. And difficult, sometimes. So, yes it's weird that all this is happening but not so unusual.
You already got the best wonderful advice here-- nothing I can add....
Just do want to say that I've had the experience of going through some trauma or other and suddenly other things start happening that are weirdly resonant. And difficult, sometimes. So, yes it's weird that all this is happening but not so unusual.
Member
Join Date: Apr 2010
Location: Alaska
Posts: 2,913
Sitting with you, Transform. It's undertandable that all of this has triggered you. Just prepping for the hearing alone would be trigger enough, much less finding out about your neighbor's kids.
I'm so glad that they'll be getting the help they need. Please remember to be gentle with yourself through all of this, too. You're amazing and strong. You're safe.
Gentle hugs, if OK.
Michelle
I'm so glad that they'll be getting the help they need. Please remember to be gentle with yourself through all of this, too. You're amazing and strong. You're safe.
Gentle hugs, if OK.
Michelle
I Love Who I Am
Thread Starter
Join Date: Sep 2009
Location: Midwest
Posts: 3,210
Thank you everyone, I am really struggling to get this trigger down am going in and out of blind rages and vomiting. If I can't sort it out soon I will consider checking myself in somewhere, which I have never even considered as I don't want a record of being this crazy.
Member
Join Date: Nov 2009
Location: Waterford MI
Posts: 4,202
transform,
You are not crazy. Not even a tiny bit.
You are stressed beyond belief, beyond your threshold.
If you need help, please get it.
do you have a doctor to talk to?
I just wish I could help.
I can feel your fear and frustration.
You are not crazy.
You are reacting to abnormal conditions.
Be easy on yourself.
Even warriors need a rest.
Beth
You are not crazy. Not even a tiny bit.
You are stressed beyond belief, beyond your threshold.
If you need help, please get it.
do you have a doctor to talk to?
I just wish I could help.
I can feel your fear and frustration.
You are not crazy.
You are reacting to abnormal conditions.
Be easy on yourself.
Even warriors need a rest.
Beth
Member
Join Date: Aug 2010
Posts: 2,349
I was one of the 80% that lillamy spoke of. As others have said, it's completely understandable that this has triggered issues within yourself. Please be gentle on yourself and find someone in real life whom you can talk to and vent and cry, etc. Bless you for caring about others and especially children who are hurting. Hugs!
I Love Who I Am
Thread Starter
Join Date: Sep 2009
Location: Midwest
Posts: 3,210
Thank you so much er'body. Beth I did call my therapist and talk with her. I guess that's the in real life person someone else mentioned.
This seems to be lifting. I walked the dogs for a long time in the rain. I've got a flood now in the garage, which includes many boxes I just packed for a yard sale. It's demolished so I might as well bag it all up to put in the trash. And just now the washing machine broke so at this point I'm actually laughing. Very funny. I forgot what a gift it is to be clothed in human skin.
This seems to be lifting. I walked the dogs for a long time in the rain. I've got a flood now in the garage, which includes many boxes I just packed for a yard sale. It's demolished so I might as well bag it all up to put in the trash. And just now the washing machine broke so at this point I'm actually laughing. Very funny. I forgot what a gift it is to be clothed in human skin.
Member
Join Date: Aug 2010
Posts: 2,349
Originally Posted by transformyself 
Thank you so much er'body. Beth I did call my therapist and talk with her. I guess that's the in real life person someone else mentioned.
This seems to be lifting. I walked the dogs for a long time in the rain. I've got a flood now in the garage, which includes many boxes I just packed for a yard sale. It's demolished so I might as well bag it all up to put in the trash. And just now the washing machine broke so at this point I'm actually laughing. Very funny. I forgot what a gift it is to be clothed in human skin.
This seems to be lifting. I walked the dogs for a long time in the rain. I've got a flood now in the garage, which includes many boxes I just packed for a yard sale. It's demolished so I might as well bag it all up to put in the trash. And just now the washing machine broke so at this point I'm actually laughing. Very funny. I forgot what a gift it is to be clothed in human skin.
Member
Join Date: May 2013
Posts: 179
You sound aware and brave. Props and support. Is there something that calms you in less intense situations that you can try to just gain a tiny moment of calm? For me it has been exercise at the gym on one of the cardio machines.
Forum Leader
Join Date: Dec 2008
Posts: 10,944
T 
I'm sorry, and hope this wave will pass. I have never experienced PTSD, but perhaps if you think about how you wish a caring adult would have reached out to protect you when you were that scared child, you can reach out to yourself in the same way.
Be kind to yourself, T.
I'm sorry, and hope this wave will pass. I have never experienced PTSD, but perhaps if you think about how you wish a caring adult would have reached out to protect you when you were that scared child, you can reach out to yourself in the same way.
Be kind to yourself, T.
I Love Who I Am
Thread Starter
Join Date: Sep 2009
Location: Midwest
Posts: 3,210
Oh Thank you Wise Women!
I found a PTSD closed support group online that is magnificent! So many other women as crazy as I am!!! They are all angry, or recovering from the raging. Can't sleep due to nightmares, incapacitated by emotion. I found my people!!! They have tools galore and people all along the spectrum of recovering.
I am thinking of starting a website where sexual and domestic violence abuse victims can name their abusers and detail what transpired. I will need to lawyer up obviously, but the difficult part of this process is seeing over and over again how
First and foremost: Society protects abusers and
then secondly blames the victim.
No **** people. No wonder I'm enraged! THAT'S the part that drives me over the edge.
I found a PTSD closed support group online that is magnificent! So many other women as crazy as I am!!! They are all angry, or recovering from the raging. Can't sleep due to nightmares, incapacitated by emotion. I found my people!!! They have tools galore and people all along the spectrum of recovering.
I am thinking of starting a website where sexual and domestic violence abuse victims can name their abusers and detail what transpired. I will need to lawyer up obviously, but the difficult part of this process is seeing over and over again how
First and foremost: Society protects abusers and
then secondly blames the victim.
No **** people. No wonder I'm enraged! THAT'S the part that drives me over the edge.
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