I did it
 

I finally did it. I left my xab and moved into my own place. It's been a long time coming and each time I went back and found myself resenting him even more. The last straw was the eviction that I lost everything I owned. That was devastating for me. Even tho he hasn't been drinking for the last month or so, he's still verbally abusive, I guess the booze had nothing to do with that. Anyway, we have our own spot now, just me my son and the dog. Im loving the peace and quiet, but am also having these feelings of did I do the right thing? N I knw I did, I mean logically I know I did there was no way I was continuing to live the way we were living, with the rude remarks, the silent treatment. I know he resented me for him not drinking although I did tell him it was his choice to drink or not, I just wasn't going to be around him when he was drinking. But yesterday he looked like a lost puppy dog, I don't think he thot I was actually going to move without him until I returned his truck and his stuff was still in the back, said my goodbyes and left. It's lonely, I miss him but I knw I did the right thing.....I just wish doing the right thing didn't hurt.

Me too. Just know its temporary, even though it doesn't feel like it right now.

Keep yourself busy, and enjoy your new space and serenity!
~T

Well done for putting yourself and your son first and getting out of there! I'm glad you are enjoying the peace and quiet, it's worth so much. I'm packing to leave STBXABF and boy do I know what you mean about wishing the right thing didn't hurt so much :( But I'm trying to have faith that this short term pain of being away from ABF is worth being free of that long term pain of being with ABF, that in the long run it will seems like such a small price to pay for happiness. That is my hope anyway! (((hugs)))

Thank you all for your kind words, I feel so at home here on SR....I know many of you have traveled this road before me n I spent the better part of my night re-reading your posts just to keep from calling him to see if he was okay (yikes) but I persevered n I didn't...not my problem anymore. It really hit home for me when we were saying grace and my son prayed for peace in our new home! My doubts dissipated, he's had a rough time of it and although I have too, I'm more mad at myself for exposing him to the madness of addiction, the anger, the insults, the sleepless nites with the stereo blaring...God I won't even buy a stereo in this new place...can't stand the noise. Even the dog is much calmer, we sat on our new floor sans furniture and tried out the new Maui zaui pizza from round table n it was yummy!! Never could have pizza coz he didn't like it..ugh the things we do. Wavy...am happy for you leaving, it's tough but soo freeing, scary but necessary, I too like you had to have my phone locked ALL the time for the.same reasons. Even though I have not taken the lock off yet, at least now it's coz I don't want to not coz I have to...big difference. You'll be fone n we are all here for you!! (((hugs))) to all

I think you did the right thing, your son has to come ahead of this guy, he needs mom, the guy doesnt. Give yourself time, spend time with your son and the dog. Relax, and know you did the right thing!

I think you're really brave, you 've done something really positive for you, your son and your dog. Think of all the bad stuff, all the insults and treading on eggshells. be very proud that you left.
My ah left the house but still calls and makes trouble. You 've given me inspiration and hope. Thank you

Your son's prayer during grace says it all...you did the right thing Mom. :)

Now, be prepared for what will likely happen next. You will hear from your Ex. He will be remorseful, penitent. Full of "I love you" and swearing to get help/stop drinking. He will be the sweet guy you remember. THat's when you have to remember your son's prayer and stay strong. If you don't go back, the Ex may then turn on you and get ugly. That's why it's best to go No Contact and take all this game playing out of the mix. Block text messages and phone calls. Don't allow even a text to disrupt the peace in your home that your son wants.
Congrats on doing the right thing, takes a lot of courage.:c011:

Aw your son's grace is touching, don't beat yourself up over the past, be proud of yourself for having the courage to make a very hard decision that means you can give him that peace now, you should be proud, your doing great! Thanks for the words of support, I appreciate it so much.