Is it normal to get upset when my girlfriend drinks?
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Is it normal to get upset when my girlfriend drinks?
Hello, First post, looking for answers to something that b others me far more than it should.
I am a recovering alcoholic, relapse every now and then but for the whole part been sober now for nearly 2 years, The problem I have is that my girlfriend drinks, And when she just has a drink It upsets me, but usually she goes stupid, just like I did back then, she goes out with her mates and gets wasted, and I get seriously depressed when she does, I need to know if this is a normal reaction for ex/recovering alcoholics, and If so is there any way to stop feeling like this, I am thinking of breaking off the relationship because of it, which I really don't want to do because the rest of the time its perfect, but I can't handle the depression I get.
Thank you for any answers.
I am a recovering alcoholic, relapse every now and then but for the whole part been sober now for nearly 2 years, The problem I have is that my girlfriend drinks, And when she just has a drink It upsets me, but usually she goes stupid, just like I did back then, she goes out with her mates and gets wasted, and I get seriously depressed when she does, I need to know if this is a normal reaction for ex/recovering alcoholics, and If so is there any way to stop feeling like this, I am thinking of breaking off the relationship because of it, which I really don't want to do because the rest of the time its perfect, but I can't handle the depression I get.
Thank you for any answers.
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If you "relapse every now and then" I would suggest that your energy should be focused on getting sober, yourself. It doesn't appear that the drama of having an alcoholic g/f (she's drinking like one, though that doesn't necessarily mean she is one) is not conductive to the kind of focus you need to be putting on your own sobriety.
I'm almost five years sober, myself, and I can't imagine trying to do the work under those circumstances, though some people manage it. Your sobriety has to be your number one priority.
I'm almost five years sober, myself, and I can't imagine trying to do the work under those circumstances, though some people manage it. Your sobriety has to be your number one priority.
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Thank you LexieCat, Yes It is difficult, It hasn't happened for quite a while now (a few months) but I notice myself wanting to drink when she does, perhaps that is why I get down, but she drinks often, 2-3 times per week, not as bad as I used to be, but I see where it is going and she does not :/
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Originally Posted by LexieCat 
If you "relapse every now and then" I would suggest that your energy should be focused on getting sober, yourself. It doesn't appear that the drama of having an alcoholic g/f (she's drinking like one, though that doesn't necessarily mean she is one) is not conductive to the kind of focus you need to be putting on your own sobriety.
I'm almost five years sober, myself, and I can't imagine trying to do the work under those circumstances, though some people manage it. Your sobriety has to be your number one priority.
I'm almost five years sober, myself, and I can't imagine trying to do the work under those circumstances, though some people manage it. Your sobriety has to be your number one priority.
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I didn't have a partner at the time, and my family had no idea I had a drinking problem. They live across the country and I did a good job of hiding it.
So I think that helped me immensely--nobody looking over my shoulder.
So I think that helped me immensely--nobody looking over my shoulder.
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There's a difference between your gf having a drink, and getting "wasted". As the gf of a recovering A, I can't imagine getting wasted around him! Does not sound like she is supporting your recovery.
Your recovery has to be #1. This is a disease that can kill you. If there is someone who isn't getting that, and is causing you to feel depressed, they are not healthy for you in the long term. She may have her own issues with alcohol, and won't be able to see your side. That's not your problem to solve. You have to take care of you.
Congrats on your sobriety.
Your recovery has to be #1. This is a disease that can kill you. If there is someone who isn't getting that, and is causing you to feel depressed, they are not healthy for you in the long term. She may have her own issues with alcohol, and won't be able to see your side. That's not your problem to solve. You have to take care of you.
Congrats on your sobriety.
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thank you both again for your replies, its good to see people who actually understand how difficult it is, My friends and family try to understand as much as possible, but without the first hand experience they never understand how hard it can be at times.
LexieCat, well done on doing it on your own, that takes some serious will power
Recovering2, I agree that its not very supportive, But I think she has a problem with it herself, My reasoning was she tried to quit for me, but couldn't do it, she never said it was too hard, she just gave up after a couple of days and said she enjoys it too much to change her life around because of my problem (fair enough) but its not just my problem, at least I don't think so, and she refuses to talk about it with me. pheeww, I thought the hard part was over, its a damn tricky situation, get rid of her because of something as silly as drink, or keep her but go back on the happy pills :/
LexieCat, well done on doing it on your own, that takes some serious will power
Recovering2, I agree that its not very supportive, But I think she has a problem with it herself, My reasoning was she tried to quit for me, but couldn't do it, she never said it was too hard, she just gave up after a couple of days and said she enjoys it too much to change her life around because of my problem (fair enough) but its not just my problem, at least I don't think so, and she refuses to talk about it with me. pheeww, I thought the hard part was over, its a damn tricky situation, get rid of her because of something as silly as drink, or keep her but go back on the happy pills :/
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p.s. If I am right and she does have a problem as I expect, I don't want to be like my ex and throw the towel in as soon as it becomes difficult, I want to get her back on the right track, if she will let me.. :S
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Originally Posted by NameAvailable
LexieCat, well done on doing it on your own, that takes some serious will power
Willpower might have gotten me to my first meeting, but that's about as far as it went.
Originally Posted by NameAvailable
If I am right and she does have a problem as I expect, I don't want to be like my ex and throw the towel in as soon as it becomes difficult, I want to get her back on the right track, if she will let me.. :S
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what is the AA like? That was something I could never bring myself to go to, I always wanted to, Because I knew it would make it easier, but in the end I had a couple of family members and 1 very good friend that kept me on track, the friend was especially great as he gave me a good slap everytime I wanted a drink and kept me away from situations where the temptation would be too much She doesn't have friends like that, or family for that matter, so the only person she has to support her is me, while her friends want her to drink more, and she doesn't have the will power or the self control to say no to them :/
She doesn't have friends like that, or family for that matter, so the only person she has to support her is me, while her friends want her to drink more, and she doesn't have the will power or the self control to say no to them :/
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AA is terrific--it saved my life. You can only count on having friends around and avoiding drinking situations for so long. It is a pretty poor long-term strategy for staying sober, though it can help in the very beginning. AA is basically a whole way of changing how you live and how you look at the world so you don't HAVE to drink over stuff. It's way more than just a support group, like SR. It's a whole philosophy and way of life. Most of it has to do with changing how you relate to other people and to life in general.
If you want to know what meetings are like, here is a link I like to share: What to Expect at Your First AA Meeting.
If you want to know what meetings are like, here is a link I like to share: What to Expect at Your First AA Meeting.
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that sounds good, Its a bit late for me now to start them, But I know people who it could help them greatly, if they could take the step to go to the meetings
thanks for the link too.
I have decided that my own well being is more important and im getting rid of the partner, its a tough choice to make after 2 years of being together, but you are right, I can't focus on staying sober myself if every other night im struggling between sudden onset depression and trying not to pop down the closest off licence to stop the depression.
Thanks for all your help in making me see this.
thanks for the link too.
I have decided that my own well being is more important and im getting rid of the partner, its a tough choice to make after 2 years of being together, but you are right, I can't focus on staying sober myself if every other night im struggling between sudden onset depression and trying not to pop down the closest off licence to stop the depression.
Thanks for all your help in making me see this.
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Just one thing--it's never to late to start with AA. I know a few people who started after being sober a year or more, just because even with not drinking, they found life wasn't as good as they had hoped, or they found not drinking to be an endless struggle, rather than something that felt natural and right.
Glad you are putting your own sobriety first.
Maybe you could offer to go with some of those people you think should go, and check it out for yourself while you're at it.
Glad you are putting your own sobriety first.
Maybe you could offer to go with some of those people you think should go, and check it out for yourself while you're at it.
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Welcome to SR NameAvailable
It sounds like you could do with some support too. Unfortunately it is not possible to control other people's behaviour but you can change your response to it. You can always come here for support and of course there are AA/SMART meetings. Sometimes you find support groups in some areas which aren't program specific, just a place to hang out with other sober people. You'll find lots of information here anyway
Glad you're here x
It sounds like you could do with some support too. Unfortunately it is not possible to control other people's behaviour but you can change your response to it. You can always come here for support and of course there are AA/SMART meetings. Sometimes you find support groups in some areas which aren't program specific, just a place to hang out with other sober people. You'll find lots of information here anyway
Glad you're here x
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Hi - welcome. My husband is a newly recovering alcoholic and a good friend is too. I cannot imagine getting wasted around either of them. My friends have even refrained from drinking that much around me because they know how sensitive I am right now. It hasn't stopped me from going out, having fun, enjoying time with friends or even having a glass of wine now and again but that, to me, is very very different from actually getting drunk around someone in recovery.
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its a damn tricky situation, get rid of her because of something as silly as drink, or keep her but go back on the happy pills :/
WHOA! Your comment got my attention. Please don't think the issue of drinking with respect to your gf is "silly". It isn't. It's a huge important issue, not to be ignored. And you shouldn't have to take happy pills to be in a relationship. That's sad to me.
You can't get her back on the right track. As an A yourself, you know you stopped when you were ready. She's already let you know she's not ready. She tried, then said she couldn't. You need to keep your focus where it CAN do some good....on YOUR recovery.
WHOA! Your comment got my attention. Please don't think the issue of drinking with respect to your gf is "silly". It isn't. It's a huge important issue, not to be ignored. And you shouldn't have to take happy pills to be in a relationship. That's sad to me.
You can't get her back on the right track. As an A yourself, you know you stopped when you were ready. She's already let you know she's not ready. She tried, then said she couldn't. You need to keep your focus where it CAN do some good....on YOUR recovery.
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