I must be having upsetting dreams all night
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Originally Posted by Argnotthisagain 
I hosted a Buddhist meeting at my adorable little house this evening and it was so dynamic and encouraging! Definitely a recharge I needed.
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Oh Hammer...I must say that's the worst possible advice for me. Denying the abuse and drinking and all his toxic stuff puts me deep into my codependence.... and then I feel suicidal.
I MUST keep training myself to see the reality of it in my mind ---even though my infant-level BPD destroyed emotions don't want to know the truth.
I MUST keep training myself to see the reality of it in my mind ---even though my infant-level BPD destroyed emotions don't want to know the truth.
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Originally Posted by Argnotthisagain
Oh Hammer...I must say that's the worst possible advice for me. Denying the abuse and drinking and all his toxic stuff puts me deep into my codependence.... and then I feel suicidal.
I MUST keep training myself to see the reality of it in my mind ---even though my infant-level BPD destroyed emotions don't want to know the truth.
I MUST keep training myself to see the reality of it in my mind ---even though my infant-level BPD destroyed emotions don't want to know the truth.
I know from back when I doing the PTSD recovery stuff some years ago, a sort of rule I made for myself was that once I brought up some bad and examined it, I pretty much left it with my group. It was not stuff you want to carry with you day-to-day.
But do your stuff at your own pace and your own time. If there comes a time where carrying it along is doing you more harm than good -- you will know you can sit it down and walk away.
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Originally Posted by fedupbeyondall
Maybe try some lucid dreaming techniques? I've found that when I'm having a similar theme in my dreams there is something my subconscience is trying to work through and having a couple of lucid dreams helped me figure it out and stop having said dreams.
It's fascinating, what the subconscious tells us.
Been thinking about getting in touch with dreams again lately, as a matter of fact.
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Originally Posted by Argnotthisagain
Hey Beth yeah, I've got music I listen to that I love to fall asleep by.
It's waking up in the morning that's been a little hinky. I guess it'll just peter out when it's ready.
yeah, I've got music I listen to that I love to fall asleep by.It's waking up in the morning that's been a little hinky. I guess it'll just peter out when it's ready.
There is one song by "aphex twin" called stone in focus too that I love falling asleep to, especially on YouTube the one they posted with additional sounds of water. If you care to look it up on YouTube, look up "stone in focus ice water rock". Video is of thawing ice on rock, kind of blue or turquoise. Beautiful.
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Originally Posted by OnawaMiniya
I love listening to ocean waves and sound.
There is one song by "aphex twin" called stone in focus too that I love falling asleep to, especially on YouTube the one they posted with additional sounds of water. If you care to look it up on YouTube, look up "stone in focus ice water rock". Video is of thawing ice on rock, kind of blue or turquoise. Beautiful.
There is one song by "aphex twin" called stone in focus too that I love falling asleep to, especially on YouTube the one they posted with additional sounds of water. If you care to look it up on YouTube, look up "stone in focus ice water rock". Video is of thawing ice on rock, kind of blue or turquoise. Beautiful.
YouTube
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Originally Posted by OnawaMiniya
I love listening to ocean waves and sound.
There is one song by "aphex twin" called stone in focus too that I love falling asleep to, especially on YouTube the one they posted with additional sounds of water. If you care to look it up on YouTube, look up "stone in focus ice water rock". Video is of thawing ice on rock, kind of blue or turquoise. Beautiful.
There is one song by "aphex twin" called stone in focus too that I love falling asleep to, especially on YouTube the one they posted with additional sounds of water. If you care to look it up on YouTube, look up "stone in focus ice water rock". Video is of thawing ice on rock, kind of blue or turquoise. Beautiful.
How do you listen to a YouTube before bed?
The album I have on my ipod is a triple set! It just goes for hours and hours! So when I get up to go to the bathroom, it's still going. So comforting. :-) it's a string quartet of early English music.
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Originally Posted by Hammer
Well sorry on that. Do you figure that not fixating on the bad is denying it? Really asking.
I know from back when I doing the PTSD recovery stuff some years ago, a sort of rule I made for myself was that once I brought up some bad and examined it, I pretty much left it with my group. It was not stuff you want to carry with you day-to-day.
But do your stuff at your own pace and your own time. If there comes a time where carrying it along is doing you more harm than good -- you will know you can sit it down and walk away.
I know from back when I doing the PTSD recovery stuff some years ago, a sort of rule I made for myself was that once I brought up some bad and examined it, I pretty much left it with my group. It was not stuff you want to carry with you day-to-day.
But do your stuff at your own pace and your own time. If there comes a time where carrying it along is doing you more harm than good -- you will know you can sit it down and walk away.
You are casting my present intent as something permanent and angry, which is not at all what I mean.
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Originally Posted by Argnotthisagain
Thanks OM (your name is very cool, by the way.)
How do you listen to a YouTube before bed?
The album I have on my ipod is a triple set! It just goes for hours and hours! So when I get up to go to the bathroom, it's still going. So comforting. :-) it's a string quartet of early English music.
How do you listen to a YouTube before bed?
The album I have on my ipod is a triple set! It just goes for hours and hours! So when I get up to go to the bathroom, it's still going. So comforting. :-) it's a string quartet of early English music.
The user who posted it is "balsamia" and the title they posted it under was "melt stone in focus". Try to post link again:
YouTube
What is the name of what you are listening to?
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Originally Posted by Argnotthisagain
For me, I fixate on the good and crave having it back --this is denying reality and very unhealthy. It causes great pain.
You are casting my present intent as something permanent and angry, which is not at all what I mean.
You are casting my present intent as something permanent and angry, which is not at all what I mean.
Yeah, I had those dreams for the first couple months after Mrs. Hammer returned from rehab. Then I would wake up and she was still (in the real world) whacked out.
And going back deeper to the older stuff -- Yeah, feeling the pain and hurt is something you have to do. I had cocooned mine inside (not real healthy, either).
But you must understand the battle with the dreams means you are conflicted with yourself? A house divided against itself cannot stand.
Does you T know what you are going through?
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Hey SR friends...
I went and made a list, as some of you wisely suggested. And then put it where I can re-read it while I'm chanting. Helps me focus better on where I want to steer....
You're right, it is definitely helpful! Thanks!!
I went and made a list, as some of you wisely suggested. And then put it where I can re-read it while I'm chanting. Helps me focus better on where I want to steer....
You're right, it is definitely helpful! Thanks!!
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Originally Posted by Hammer
Gotcha.
Yeah, I had those dreams for the first couple months after Mrs. Hammer returned from rehab. Then I would wake up and she was still (in the real world) whacked out.
And going back deeper to the older stuff -- Yeah, feeling the pain and hurt is something you have to do. I had cocooned mine inside (not real healthy, either).
But you must understand the battle with the dreams means you are conflicted with yourself? A house divided against itself cannot stand.
Does you T know what you are going through?
Yeah, I had those dreams for the first couple months after Mrs. Hammer returned from rehab. Then I would wake up and she was still (in the real world) whacked out.
And going back deeper to the older stuff -- Yeah, feeling the pain and hurt is something you have to do. I had cocooned mine inside (not real healthy, either).
But you must understand the battle with the dreams means you are conflicted with yourself? A house divided against itself cannot stand.
Does you T know what you are going through?
Yeah.... I'm taking the dreams as yet more growing pains, as they say. At least I'm moving through all that goddammm pain... but ugh! Not the funnest trip I've ever taken. I can tell you that RIGHT now. Ai-Yi-Yi
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[QUOTE=OnawaMiniya;4115627
What is the name of what you are listening to?[/QUOTE]
It's Fretwork. Music for viol. It's got works by various 17th century composers like Praetorius...can't think of the other names right now....
What is the name of what you are listening to?[/QUOTE]
It's Fretwork. Music for viol. It's got works by various 17th century composers like Praetorius...can't think of the other names right now....
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Originally Posted by Argnotthisagain
It's Fretwork. Music for viol. It's got works by various 17th century composers like Praetorius...can't think of the other names right now....
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How are you feeling/doing today?
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Originally Posted by OnawaMiniya
Oh, very cool! I'll have to check that out. Thanks!
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How are you feeling/doing today?
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How are you feeling/doing today?
I'm doing pretty good today actually. Thanks!! Nothin special goin on just feelin ok for no special reason... :P
How are you doin?
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