This time I'm ready for the guilt trip
 

Ah's annual trip is coming up. This year it's to St Thomas. Last year I declined going to Costa Rica and things aren't any better at this point in time. I just can't bring myself to go.

Anyway, he claims that I am taking the trip away from him and that I am embarrassing him in front of his coworkers. I have been keeping my mouth shut and just acknowledging how I feel and honoring what I feel is best for ME at this point in time. I have not pointed out to him that he was the one who got plastered last year and offended a few of the wives. These women complained to the president of the company about my AH's behavior and his boss had to have a talk with him. If he refuses to take responsibility for himself, that's his choice. My choice is to do what is best for me. Plus, I know that once the drinks start flowing, the gossip will start flowing too. I'm pretty sure I'm going to be an easy target since I wasn't there last year. Why put myself in that position anyway. We went to St Thomas a few years ago and it was lovely, but I can always go back another time.

I'm pretty sure *I* wouldn't care for a repeat performance of that. Sounds like he wants a babysitter to make sure he doesn't get in trouble again. No, thanks!!

Stick to your guns. Tell him to have fun and that's all I would say. No "reminders" about how to behave. And YOU will get a nice break at home!

As much as I truly NEED a vacation right now, anywhere - I wouldn't go either. Let him be an arse on his own, you don't need to be dragged into it.

Let the gossip flow along witht the drinks, who cares!

Peace,
C-OH Dad

Well, considering you 'don't have time to fart', yes a vacation sounds like a wonderful idea to you, doesn't it? LOL, sorry, but that's the first time I saw that on your signature and I remember the thread where it was in the first place. Thanks for the AM chuckle!

As for the trip. Yes, I think he wants a babysitter. Although, the year before that we were in Nevis(took a ferry from St Kitts) and there was only one time that we were separated. He played golf in a tournament that offered free booze and I went to the spa. He was drunk and I was p*ssed and he was a HOOT at dinner. Well, most everybody kept asking me, "Wow, I've never seen J(my AH) like this before. He's so gregarious and funny." YEP, that's him and I'm sitting there just grateful that he wasn't further in the bag. He still, to this day, denies being drunk that night. Whatever. Of course, what made my night was that the young Greek guy who worked our table that night apparently had a thing for me. A few of the other wives noticed him doting on me but not on them and brought it up to AH in the van on the ride back to the hotel. So, from then on my AH used this information to tell me all about my new 'boyfriend', UGH! The attention was nice, but bringing it up to AH was not helpful from the other ladies. Not their fault, they don't know how AH can be but I was cringing when they started talking about it and making sure that AH knew every detail and every 'extra' thing this guy did for me that he didn't do for them.

I actually have a feeling that he may not go. But, he said that last year and wound up going anyway. He says that I am taking away this huge honor that the company bestows on him and that he works so hard for. Hmm, well every year for the past 10 years(excluding last year because I didn't go) he would start complaining about the trip in August. Telling me how much he doesn't want to go, how he hates the trip because all the corporate big whigs will be there and everyone has to be on their best behavior, how you can't really ever relax, blah, blah, blah. His complaining nearly drove me to stay home the year we went to Cabo. Then, we'd get into a fight about my mother, who was using her own money to fly out here to stay with our son. He'd throw her under the bus, complaining about how she is a grown woman but can't drive us to the airport. I'd point out that she's doing us a favor and he should just be grateful and that it wouldn't kill us to pay for parking for 5 days. Round and round we'd go. The good old days and I won't have to worry about those conversations this year because I have chosen NOT to go. Whew.....

Maybe he'll get mugged by one of the locals...

Yeah, no. That trip sounds like something you can live without. There's an old French play that ends with the line "l'enfer - c'est les autres" (hell is the others) and, well, paradise can also be hell with the wrong people around. I mean, I'd rather go on a vacation to an industrial zone or garbage dump alone than be stuck in the Caribbean babysitting a drunk...

I agree with everyone - that doesn't sound like much fun for you at all. What a great vacation a peaceful house would be for you!!

On the gossip - I read this (I think in AlAnon?) when I was beginning to realize that ABF wasn't the only one with issues, and it has stuck with me, and I think of it often:

What others think of us is none of our business.

The implications of that quote are profound to me, and the more I think about it, the more it changes my life. Hang in there, stay strong!

Hahahahhaha.. ME TOO!

Yes, but according to him, my presence would keep him from drinking and therefore, he'd behave himself. UGH!

Sounds like you know where it is at. Think I'd prefer to go elsewhere too. Feeling guilty is an al anon trait for sure. But just cause you feel it doesn't mean it's true. X

My presence has never kept anyone from drinking - nor has it made them drink. My presence can enable me to suffer because of drinking, and that's all it has really done in those situations. (((hugs!)))