Court orders puts us at poverty level
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Join Date: Oct 2012
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Court orders puts us at poverty level
Just received this a few hours ago. The American court decided to accept jurisdiction for the divorce. They will give us so little that we will receive less in alimony and child support than we would get from welfare.
This, while AH gets exclusive occupancy of our 6 bedroom house and vitually all our worldly belongings attached. And he keeps 75% of his enormous salary.
So, if you were ever wondering what happens to women who have four children, sacrifice their careers for their husband's, and then need to escape a husband turned abusive alcoholic - now you know.
She and her children wind up destitute.
And yes, I have been trying to get a job. Not a whole lot available here for a 48 year old who has been out of the work force for 20 years. And since keeping the children in the lunch program would cost $75 a day, I am going to bring home enough for maybe a few groceries at the end of the day.
Thank you to the justice system. You just showed me and the children never to believe in you again.
This, while AH gets exclusive occupancy of our 6 bedroom house and vitually all our worldly belongings attached. And he keeps 75% of his enormous salary.
So, if you were ever wondering what happens to women who have four children, sacrifice their careers for their husband's, and then need to escape a husband turned abusive alcoholic - now you know.
She and her children wind up destitute.
And yes, I have been trying to get a job. Not a whole lot available here for a 48 year old who has been out of the work force for 20 years. And since keeping the children in the lunch program would cost $75 a day, I am going to bring home enough for maybe a few groceries at the end of the day.
Thank you to the justice system. You just showed me and the children never to believe in you again.
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Join Date: May 2013
Posts: 1,218
I'm so, so sorry...
Big hugs and sending prayers...
I wish I knew the ins and outs of the legal system enough to have something to say about that. I know others here have a better grasp on that, I'm hoping there is something they know to help you...
Peace.
Big hugs and sending prayers...
I wish I knew the ins and outs of the legal system enough to have something to say about that. I know others here have a better grasp on that, I'm hoping there is something they know to help you...
Peace.
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Join Date: Jul 2005
Posts: 2,542
So I'm confused.. again. In VA you take a worksheet and plug in the numbers for alimony and another worksheet for child support and I can tell you if you were divorced in VA you not be living at poverty level. Quite well actually.
If you choose to move back to the states would not your situation be very different?
If you choose to move back to the states would not your situation be very different?
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If we were living in the States, yes. But now he has exclusive occupancy, the children are settled here, and the court here has taken on custody issues. Both courts recognize that the children's lives are here.
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Join Date: Jul 2012
Location: northeast
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I'm sorry that's got to be so scary to worry about how you're going to take care of your children.
My only advice is to be open minded as to what is the best for the children. I know you want to continue to live where you are and the children are situated and happy, but is that's what is the best given the information you have today? How can you best provide for them and their needs?
What advice would you give to someone else in your position?
I've been a stay at home mom for a long time, so your situation is one I could find myself in. I'm college educated but haven't been employed for quite a while in my field. If I had to do it over- as much as I've loved being home with my kids- I don't know if I would. It does leave you very vulnerable.
My only advice is to be open minded as to what is the best for the children. I know you want to continue to live where you are and the children are situated and happy, but is that's what is the best given the information you have today? How can you best provide for them and their needs?
What advice would you give to someone else in your position?
I've been a stay at home mom for a long time, so your situation is one I could find myself in. I'm college educated but haven't been employed for quite a while in my field. If I had to do it over- as much as I've loved being home with my kids- I don't know if I would. It does leave you very vulnerable.
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Here's an example of real life state of VA numbers from M's 1st marriage: married 13 years and three children. Husband earns 110k wife earns 20k. Wife was SAHM for 12 years. Wife has primary custody and covers the childrens health insurance from her employers plan, plug in the numbers and wife gets $1200/mo alimony and $1800/mo child support. And that was the basis for the temporary maintenance before the divorce when everything was finalized. I can't get my head around your situation at all. Blows me away.
Are you entitled to any equity of all marital property?
Are you entitled to any equity of all marital property?
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Join Date: Jul 2010
Location: South Jersey
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I'm still confused. I thought at this point, the issue was jurisdiction. You already have an order for support? Is there a formula for calculation of support? Or what is it based on? I'm assuming you both filed some kind of financial documents. What does your lawyer say about this? If there hasn't been any kind of a hearing yet (due to the jurisdictional issue) maybe your lawyer can file a motion to increase the amount of support.
And I'm with jazzish, I'm assuming that you will get a substantial amount in the equitable distribution of marital assets. Long-term marriage, etc.
And I'm with jazzish, I'm assuming that you will get a substantial amount in the equitable distribution of marital assets. Long-term marriage, etc.
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Join Date: Jul 2013
Location: Alabama
Posts: 164
I am so sorry!!! I am going through a similar situation here. My first husband of a 15 year marriage and three children got out of paying me alimony because he used it as a bargaining tool to allow me to move my kids out of state. I thought I would be fine because I was supposed to get half of the house when it sold. He moved his gf in and they didn't pay anything on the house let it go into foreclosure and then claimed bankruptcy. He makes over 200,000 a year and his gf now wife makes over 200,000 a year also. They bought a home on the water. I have had to just let it go. He has abandoned his kids for the most part. He does see our son occasionally.
Now I am trying to have a plan to move out away from my current husband who is A and abusive. But, I have not worked in 20 years am 49. Everything is tied to my current husband. His job even pays for my kids medical insurance. So I can stay and be abused and in an unhealthy environment or leave and have to go to a shelter or homeless with three kids. He won't have to give me anything and it doesn't matter about the kids because they are not his. So I completely understand!
If I had to do it all over again. I would hire an attorney and keep going until I got what I wanted or until he was worn down and gave me what I wanted. He wore me down and threatened me and stupidly I gave in. I believed him when he said the kids and I had to move out of the house for him to sell it. Do not believe anything, get everything in writing! I wish you much more luck than what I have!!! Hugs! You are intelligent, you will find a way to take care of yourself and your kids!
Now I am trying to have a plan to move out away from my current husband who is A and abusive. But, I have not worked in 20 years am 49. Everything is tied to my current husband. His job even pays for my kids medical insurance. So I can stay and be abused and in an unhealthy environment or leave and have to go to a shelter or homeless with three kids. He won't have to give me anything and it doesn't matter about the kids because they are not his. So I completely understand!
If I had to do it all over again. I would hire an attorney and keep going until I got what I wanted or until he was worn down and gave me what I wanted. He wore me down and threatened me and stupidly I gave in. I believed him when he said the kids and I had to move out of the house for him to sell it. Do not believe anything, get everything in writing! I wish you much more luck than what I have!!! Hugs! You are intelligent, you will find a way to take care of yourself and your kids!
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Join Date: Jan 2013
Location: New York
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These are terrible stories. I think these men are sociopaths. If they can't summon up enough decency to respect the mother of their children, can't they at least put the childrens' interests first?
If I had a ton of money, I'd buy a big high rise apartment building and all the codies who needed to escape A's could come live in it. We could call it "The Code E. Towers."
If I had a ton of money, I'd buy a big high rise apartment building and all the codies who needed to escape A's could come live in it. We could call it "The Code E. Towers."
A work in progress
Join Date: Jul 2010
Location: South Jersey
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Rw, I would talk to a lawyer if I were you about the shenanigans with the house and the bankruptcy. I don't believe equitable distribution of property can be discharged in bankruptcy, and if he allowed the house to go into foreclosure then I would bet he still owes you half the market value of the house.
Why is the kids' father not responsible for their medical insurance?
Why is the kids' father not responsible for their medical insurance?
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Join Date: Jul 2013
Location: Alabama
Posts: 164
Why is the kids' father not responsible for their medical insurance? @lexiecat
He was not reimbursing me for medical expenses even though it is court ordered. And he did not have the kids under vision (all three wear glasses/contacts) and he didn't have them on dental. He only had medical. And because he wasn't paying me and didn't have then fully insured. We had the judge approve them being out in my current AH employer insurance plan.
He was not reimbursing me for medical expenses even though it is court ordered. And he did not have the kids under vision (all three wear glasses/contacts) and he didn't have them on dental. He only had medical. And because he wasn't paying me and didn't have then fully insured. We had the judge approve them being out in my current AH employer insurance plan.
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Lexie,
The American judge first decided that the US has jurisdiction. Then he went on to order a sum that would work if we lived in our house in the US and is based on the formulas.
But AH has the house and the alimony plus child support is enough to cover rent for our rent for this little 4th floor walk-up attic apartment plus maybe two weeks of groceries. No healthcare, no utilities, no transportation.
The American judge first decided that the US has jurisdiction. Then he went on to order a sum that would work if we lived in our house in the US and is based on the formulas.
But AH has the house and the alimony plus child support is enough to cover rent for our rent for this little 4th floor walk-up attic apartment plus maybe two weeks of groceries. No healthcare, no utilities, no transportation.
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I guess the judge doesn't care that we don't live in the US.
Both countries agree that the child are settled here, but the support is determined there.
If AH had let the divorce happen here, we would be given twice the amount in support. Enough to pay for the necessities.
Both countries agree that the child are settled here, but the support is determined there.
If AH had let the divorce happen here, we would be given twice the amount in support. Enough to pay for the necessities.
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My lawyer didn't want to talk to me. She was on her way to court when the news came in.
I am already appealing here but everyone - judges, lawyers, secretaries - are on holiday. When they get back they will see that the US accepted jurisdiction and probably call it good. Though the appeal was accepted, they didn't set a date.
I am already appealing here but everyone - judges, lawyers, secretaries - are on holiday. When they get back they will see that the US accepted jurisdiction and probably call it good. Though the appeal was accepted, they didn't set a date.
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