Too little too late
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Aug 2012
Location: Hants
Posts: 16
Too little too late
Hi. I can't believe I haven't been here since January 2012. Sadly, my husband Paul lost his battle against alcoholism on 12th January this year. He died in bed at home with me.
Too little too late, but it was only after I showed him this forum that he realised how bad things had become and the effect his alcoholism was having on me. He really tried. The only way he could go dry was if we had no money and if this meant going without gas and electricity, it was worth it. This time last year we had some good times living by candle light and bonding again. Sadly it couldn't last and as soon as he had money in his pocket again, the binging started again.
In October 2012, he began hallucinating and I rushed him to hospital. They kept him in for 10 days and then discharged him without telling me a thing. Paul said little, but NEVER DRANK AGAIN. Every time he went for a check up, he thought he would be drained, but each time they told him "next time".
Tragically, he basically drowned. He was unwell and in bed all day. At 5am he sat up and told me he couldn't get air. I dialled 999 and went to grab a dressing gown. When I turned round he was gone. For 20 minutes I attempted CPR, but it was like bouncing on a water bed. Basically he drowned.
All I can do now is grieve and try and think of the happy times with my larger then life old silver back and forget the crap.
Although we both new that he could not possibly survive the lifestyle he lived, neither of us ever believed he would actually die!
If this note acts as a wake up call to other alcoholics, great. But otherwise thankyou everyone for being here when I needed you!!
The final footnote is that he died on the same date (12th January) as my first husband 22 years previously. This freaked me out more then a little!
Too little too late, but it was only after I showed him this forum that he realised how bad things had become and the effect his alcoholism was having on me. He really tried. The only way he could go dry was if we had no money and if this meant going without gas and electricity, it was worth it. This time last year we had some good times living by candle light and bonding again. Sadly it couldn't last and as soon as he had money in his pocket again, the binging started again.
In October 2012, he began hallucinating and I rushed him to hospital. They kept him in for 10 days and then discharged him without telling me a thing. Paul said little, but NEVER DRANK AGAIN. Every time he went for a check up, he thought he would be drained, but each time they told him "next time".
Tragically, he basically drowned. He was unwell and in bed all day. At 5am he sat up and told me he couldn't get air. I dialled 999 and went to grab a dressing gown. When I turned round he was gone. For 20 minutes I attempted CPR, but it was like bouncing on a water bed. Basically he drowned.
All I can do now is grieve and try and think of the happy times with my larger then life old silver back and forget the crap.
Although we both new that he could not possibly survive the lifestyle he lived, neither of us ever believed he would actually die!
If this note acts as a wake up call to other alcoholics, great. But otherwise thankyou everyone for being here when I needed you!!
The final footnote is that he died on the same date (12th January) as my first husband 22 years previously. This freaked me out more then a little!
Better when never is never
Join Date: Sep 2011
Location: Wisconsin near Twin Cities
Posts: 1,745
I am so sorry to hear about your loss. As an alcoholic, I find posts like yours particularly motivating for my recovery. My alcoholism makes me think that finding that quick relief from withdrawal is the most important thing in my life. This helps me remember that it is not a game and everyone is being affected by my behavior. Thank you so much for posting.
Community Greeter
Join Date: Aug 2011
Posts: 16,246
MrsH---Thank you for thinking of us and sharing your post with us. I understand how your grief feels--I also lost a husband (cancer;not alcohol). I hear you about the memories.
Please come and post here any time you want to talk about it....or share your m emories or feelings. We understand like few others can.
dandylion
Please come and post here any time you want to talk about it....or share your m emories or feelings. We understand like few others can.
dandylion
Thank you for your post. I think most of us alcoholics/addicts think it can't happen to us (I know I did), but it can and it does.
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