Treeners

Hello all,

Now that my ExAB and I broke up, I'm finding it hard to have fun with drinking. I'm only 22 so a lot of my friends enjoy going out for drinks, etc.

When things started to get bad with his drinking, I slowly started to drink less because I felt like I had to monitor him. I eventually reached the point where I physically couldn't drink like I wanted to. If I started to even feel tipsy, there would be this trigger in my body that reminded me of what alcohol does to people like my ExAB.

I want to be able to go out and have some drinks with my girlfriends. I know it may sound weird, but has your alcoholic friend/spouse/family member ruined drinking for you too?

trixie56

Yes! Since my xabf went AWOL I have no desire to drink...ever. Now I'm very sensitive about any guy asking me out for a drink, any person referring to the self as a "partier," etc. it's kinda a bummer to feel this way, but I'm trying to not be hard on myself. I've never been a big drinker, but now I'm scared of it.

Florence

I'm wary of heavy drinkers and of heavy drinking. If people don't keep their **** together after a few drinks, I know what I need to know, and I won't hang out with them again. If drinking is a person's primary method of coping with life, I know what I need to know and I distance myself from them.

When I was clued in to my STBXAH's real drinking problem(s), I realized a lot of our friends and family had them too. Go have a drink, but be conservative about babysitting or making excuses for drunk people, and leave if that's what feels right and good.

LexieCat

Having one's drinking "ruined" is far from a negative consequence of being involved with an alcoholic. Drinking the way a lot of 20-somethings drink isn't healthy for ANYBODY. Most people mature out of it in a few years anyway--I wouldn't say you are missing much.

trixie56

I agree with everyone above. Now I'm much more cautious about the people I let into my life. My ex acted as if his drinking was normal and I was just judgemental. My instincts were telling me to run and I wish I'd listened to them.

lillamy

I don't enjoy being around drunk people.
I don't enjoy the feeling of being even a little bit tipsy.
These days, I restrict my drinking to one glass of wine -- and that is "one glass" as in the old cook books (3 oz); not "one glass" as in "a glass that can fit most of a bottle of wine"...

It's not really a sacrifice or a loss in any way. An old coworker who's an RA said that he realized being sober that "not only am I not as funny as I thought I was when I was drunk -- neither is anyone else."

I'd just find new friends to do new things with. Drunks aren't really good company at any age.

MamaKit

I can't say my experience has ruined drinking for me. But I have questioned why I might have a drink. I am more aware of the pitfalls and the dangers. When I appreciated that awareness, I realized "drinking" for the sake of drinking wasn't all that great.

It is not a social thing for me anymore. Mostly now, if I have a drink, it is related to a meal or a special occasion. A complement to the food. I'm sure I get some sort of effect from the alcohol, but I don't like to feel drunk....not even a little. I know 2 drinks gets me there. And on the rare occasion I have a drink...it's just one.

POAndrea

I find I'm drinking a lot less now than I did before my husband's use became such a problem. I do miss it sometimes, but I have learned enough about myself to realize that I become more whatever-feeling-I-happen-to-be-having when I have a glass or two of wine. If I'm happy that works rather well, but it doesn't happen that way much anymore. If I'm sad, I'm guaranteed to cry before the night is out. If I'm angry or hurting, well, someone ELSE will cry before it's all said and done. So I pretty much don't. If I'm in a good mood, why do I need to do anything else? If I'm not, I'd probably better not mess around with it and make it worse.

Treeners

Thanks guys, it's nice to know I'm not the only one that feels this way. It's not that I want to be a heavy partyer or a bar-star or whatever, I just want to allow myself to get a little drunk without thinking about him. I think it will probably just come with time.

I have now experienced the dangers of alcohol first-hand at a very young age. A much as I hate what he put me through, I've learned a lot. Just trying to take this one day at a time...

I'm so happy I found you all, thank you

wolfpackfan45

I don't enjoy being around drinking at all anymore. After seeing the damage that it does I have no desire to partake and I find people who are drunk to be boring. I also find it sad that many people in this day and age can't seem to have fun without alcohol being involved in the equation. I just don't have any tolerance for it now.

OnawaMiniya

I was never big on drinking to begin with, but I will say that his alcoholism has completely changed the way I look at alcohol and drinking. I can definitely understand what you're saying.

Peace.

dejavue

Oh, yes, I am turned off by the drink. dont want to even go to a bar or think about a bar. dont want to be around people who drink

Starlight23

I know how you feel , personally I now despise alcohol and regard it as a poison.

I was never a big drinker anyway, only special occasions really.

Now I would quite happily take a hammer and smash all alcohol in shopping aisles to end peoples suffering, alcoholics and families of them!

LovesVWs

Holla from Edmonton here as well!

Congrats for breaking up now, and not dealing with his **** 16 years down the road. You deserve better, and a distaste for alcohol right now isn't a bad thing My hubby hit rehab 8 days ago, and I didn't even want a glass of wine with the girls yesterday. I still had fun though

Be healthy and happy, work on you first.

KKE

I think I went the other way..... Ended up drinking more myself while he was actively drinking.