Would you ever date an RA
box of chocolates
Join Date: Sep 2012
Location: Texas
Posts: 1,013
Omgsh if I knew what I do back then NO! I would take my knowledge and run run run!
No sane person wiuld put themselves through it again. I would save my heart and my mind and say nooooo!
Even if the man told me he had been sober for 10 20 or 30 years....relapse is real and ide still say nooo.
Bless who evers hearts who would knowingly walk into hell.
No sane person wiuld put themselves through it again. I would save my heart and my mind and say nooooo!
Even if the man told me he had been sober for 10 20 or 30 years....relapse is real and ide still say nooo.
Bless who evers hearts who would knowingly walk into hell.
box of chocolates
Join Date: Sep 2012
Location: Texas
Posts: 1,013
Originally Posted by choublak 
Why does everybody seem to think if you don't drink you must be an alcoholic in recovery or an evangelist? Can't someone just not care for alcohol?
I just like being sober lol.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jul 2013
Location: San Diego, ca
Posts: 268
Originally Posted by Hammer
hmmm, let me see how to put this . . .
OH NO! HELL NO!
although I did see a cute drunk chick the other day . . . . .
[Hammer smacks Hammer upside the head with a Big Hammer]
That's better! Where was I? Oh yeah.
OH NO! HELL NO!
OH NO! HELL NO!
although I did see a cute drunk chick the other day . . . . .
[Hammer smacks Hammer upside the head with a Big Hammer]
That's better! Where was I? Oh yeah.
OH NO! HELL NO!
I don't know Hammer. You don't sound too sure to me. Cute ex-drunk chicks with 90 sobriety are very convincing.
Engineer Things; LOVE People
Join Date: Sep 2009
Posts: 3,707
Originally Posted by nbay2013
I don't know Hammer. You don't sound too sure to me. Cute ex-drunk chicks with 90 sobriety are very convincing.
oh no. Really oh no.
I was just sort of making fun of what I see with some folks here and in Alanon. Yunno the story line, "My second AH . . . ." and I am always thinking -- Stupid. Stupid. Stupid.
Fool me once, shame on you.
Fool me twice, shame on me.
you sound like me Member
Join Date: Jul 2013
Posts: 109
This post reminded me of something I've been thinking about lately...I met my XABF through an online dating site, and on his profile he said NOTHING about being a drinker or being a huge "partier." I think his profile might've said 'social' or 'moderate' drinker. He totally sounded like my type, and he didn't put out there that what he was looking for was a partier. He dumped me out of the blue on New Years Eve because I wasn't one, despite the many other meaningful, awesome connections we had. It couldn't compare to his true love--alcohol.
Also, on his profile, he said he was "trying to quit" smoking when, in reality, he wasn't. He wanted to quit, but wasn't actively trying. Big difference. I believe he also wanted to not be a partier anymore and have a healthy relationship, but wasn't ready to do the work necessary to achieve that.
So, I'm definitely weary about meeting new people not just online, but in the dating world in general. That's no good.
Also, on his profile, he said he was "trying to quit" smoking when, in reality, he wasn't. He wanted to quit, but wasn't actively trying. Big difference. I believe he also wanted to not be a partier anymore and have a healthy relationship, but wasn't ready to do the work necessary to achieve that.
So, I'm definitely weary about meeting new people not just online, but in the dating world in general. That's no good.
Member
Join Date: Oct 2012
Posts: 1,038
I have this lovely Al Anon group I visit from time to time. Bunch of older ladies, a very white-haired gentlemen, their dogs. I love them, but no one to look at!
Then one day I walk in late and there is this beautiful man sitting at that table. The whole meeting there's this electric zing and I try not to notice but we are both reacting to each other. At the end of the meeting he introduces his story. He's an RA there to learn more about what us Fs and F members go through in order to inform his - 7 - year recovery.
He returned to meeting a few weeks ago. He's lovely. I am totally attracted to him. He waits for me outside the door afterwards. I give him the most hostile, evil- tempered, cold-shouldered thing imaginable. Like he is responsible for my suffering. Because he did to his wife and children maybe what AH is doing to us.
And because I could fall in love with that guy in maybe five minutes of chatting over coffee!
Then one day I walk in late and there is this beautiful man sitting at that table. The whole meeting there's this electric zing and I try not to notice but we are both reacting to each other. At the end of the meeting he introduces his story. He's an RA there to learn more about what us Fs and F members go through in order to inform his - 7 - year recovery.
He returned to meeting a few weeks ago. He's lovely. I am totally attracted to him. He waits for me outside the door afterwards. I give him the most hostile, evil- tempered, cold-shouldered thing imaginable. Like he is responsible for my suffering. Because he did to his wife and children maybe what AH is doing to us.
And because I could fall in love with that guy in maybe five minutes of chatting over coffee!
Member
Join Date: Jan 2010
Location: Long Branch, NJ
Posts: 253
Originally Posted by PippiLngstockng
I have this lovely Al Anon group I visit from time to time. Bunch of older ladies, a very white-haired gentlemen, their dogs. I love them, but no one to look at!
Then one day I walk in late and there is this beautiful man sitting at that table. The whole meeting there's this electric zing and I try not to notice but we are both reacting to each other. At the end of the meeting he introduces his story. He's an RA there to learn more about what us Fs and F members go through in order to inform his - 7 - year recovery.
He returned to meeting a few weeks ago. He's lovely. I am totally attracted to him. He waits for me outside the door afterwards. I give him the most hostile, evil- tempered, cold-shouldered thing imaginable. Like he is responsible for my suffering. Because he did to his wife and children maybe what AH is doing to us.
And because I could fall in love with that guy in maybe five minutes of chatting over coffee!
Then one day I walk in late and there is this beautiful man sitting at that table. The whole meeting there's this electric zing and I try not to notice but we are both reacting to each other. At the end of the meeting he introduces his story. He's an RA there to learn more about what us Fs and F members go through in order to inform his - 7 - year recovery.
He returned to meeting a few weeks ago. He's lovely. I am totally attracted to him. He waits for me outside the door afterwards. I give him the most hostile, evil- tempered, cold-shouldered thing imaginable. Like he is responsible for my suffering. Because he did to his wife and children maybe what AH is doing to us.
And because I could fall in love with that guy in maybe five minutes of chatting over coffee!
Member
Join Date: Feb 2010
Posts: 1,292
A friend introduced me to a guy she thought I would like and in the first 30 seconds, I could tell he was a RA. He has a very well established business and looks really together, but I just knew was either an A or a RA.
When I told my friend "He seems really great, but's an A" she said "How did you know that? He's been a RA for 6 yrs"
I said, thanks but no thanks.
No, I would never date an A or an RA. I am sure there are many who have done a spiritual 180, but it's very rare
When I told my friend "He seems really great, but's an A" she said "How did you know that? He's been a RA for 6 yrs"
I said, thanks but no thanks.
No, I would never date an A or an RA. I am sure there are many who have done a spiritual 180, but it's very rare
Member
Join Date: Jan 2010
Location: Long Branch, NJ
Posts: 253
Originally Posted by Mightyqueen801
I can relate! After my divorce, when I was still thinking of dating--trying to pretend I could get a normal, non-alcoholic man--even did do online dating for a little while--I noticed that I'd find myself attracted to a certain type of guy at work or on the street or when I was out with a friend. Then, to my horror, I would realize that the reason I was attracted to this man was because he had "that look" about him--that slightly weatherbeaten, "fun guy" lfriendly ook, and the warning bells would start ringing in my head.
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Join Date: Jun 2013
Location: Central Florida
Posts: 976
Originally Posted by Summerpeach
No, I would never date an A or an RA. I am sure there are many who have done a spiritual 180, but it's very rare
I Love Who I Am
Join Date: Sep 2009
Location: Midwest
Posts: 3,210
Illamy- that's the other half of the story now isn't it?? I will gladly submit to the same, to a psychictric evaluation, as it will weed out the folks who aren't serous. Once they get a look at that baby!!
Member
Join Date: Oct 2012
Posts: 1,038
Mightyqueen,
I love that 'weather beaten fun guy friendly look'. Add to that a demeanor that seeks to demonstrate a deep sadness, a,' I am so nice how could I have lost my wife and children I know it's all my fault but it isn't plus anyway I am really sorry and a liitle lost, please make me feel better'. Top it all off to with a very nice looking masculine frame.
If you see him, that's my AH. Or the RA from my Al Anon meeting!
I love that 'weather beaten fun guy friendly look'. Add to that a demeanor that seeks to demonstrate a deep sadness, a,' I am so nice how could I have lost my wife and children I know it's all my fault but it isn't plus anyway I am really sorry and a liitle lost, please make me feel better'. Top it all off to with a very nice looking masculine frame.
If you see him, that's my AH. Or the RA from my Al Anon meeting!
Member
Join Date: Apr 2010
Location: Upstate NY, in the Adirondacks
Posts: 232
Yes! I have almost 3 years sober! I use Women for Sobriety online. Since quitting drinking, I have gotten to be a pretty healthy person, physically, mentally, emotionally and spiritually.
Through WFS and therapy, I have worked on myself, while many people in the world, alcoholic or not, just go through life without any self-reflection. And don't believe the almost 100 year old AA nonsense that we are in danger of relapse at any second! I am never going to drink again. It holds no attraction for me. I know this in my bones, just as I know that I would never harm a baby or puppy. We can make amazing partners. Just choose someone healthy and in my view, if they are still going to 5 AA meetings every week ten years sober, that is not healthy.
Best,
Nancy
Through WFS and therapy, I have worked on myself, while many people in the world, alcoholic or not, just go through life without any self-reflection. And don't believe the almost 100 year old AA nonsense that we are in danger of relapse at any second! I am never going to drink again. It holds no attraction for me. I know this in my bones, just as I know that I would never harm a baby or puppy. We can make amazing partners. Just choose someone healthy and in my view, if they are still going to 5 AA meetings every week ten years sober, that is not healthy.
Best,
Nancy
A work in progress
Join Date: Jul 2010
Location: South Jersey
Posts: 16,633
Originally Posted by nancylee
in my view, if they are still going to 5 AA meetings every week ten years sober, that is not healthy.
Member
Join Date: Feb 2010
Posts: 1,292
Most addictions are based on deep mental issues like personality disorders, so even if one stops drinking and has YEARS of sobriety, you cannot and never will "heal" from a personality disorder.
No offense to addicts, but I would never allow one back in my life in any respect.
I actually just evicted a guy from one of my rentals because he's a sick addict not only destroying my property and setting two house fires from being so wasted, but would hit on me any chance he had.
The guy next door to me passed out drunk and the house went on fire and burnt down while I was out of town last weekend.
The firemen told us most house fires are caused by people who are passed out from drugs or booze and leave their cigs/food unattended
Of course not all addict do this, but none the less, I don't even want one in my life.
My bleeding heart for people has almost destroyed my life MANY times, now, I'm not so nice.
What I came home to last weekend. Guy who did it has been court ordered to AA for the last 8 yrs but still was wasted daily. He was cooking and passed out. The police told us this was his FOURTH time setting fires. He keeps going back to the Salvation Army to live. He's 55 yrs old.
This was attached to my home by the way
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No offense to addicts, but I would never allow one back in my life in any respect.
I actually just evicted a guy from one of my rentals because he's a sick addict not only destroying my property and setting two house fires from being so wasted, but would hit on me any chance he had.
The guy next door to me passed out drunk and the house went on fire and burnt down while I was out of town last weekend.
The firemen told us most house fires are caused by people who are passed out from drugs or booze and leave their cigs/food unattended
Of course not all addict do this, but none the less, I don't even want one in my life.
My bleeding heart for people has almost destroyed my life MANY times, now, I'm not so nice.
What I came home to last weekend. Guy who did it has been court ordered to AA for the last 8 yrs but still was wasted daily. He was cooking and passed out. The police told us this was his FOURTH time setting fires. He keeps going back to the Salvation Army to live. He's 55 yrs old.
This was attached to my home by the way
Image - TinyPic - Free Image Hosting, Photo Sharing & Video Hosting
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