Shutterbug1

So, I am three months out of a ten-year relationship. Wow. There were times when I never would have imagined I could be here. Well, here I am. I found a new apartment in a new area and I love it. I moved out of the city and into a peaceful, quite suburb. It’s so nice to be in a peaceful neighborhood after living through so much chaos. It is nice to know what to expect when I come home. I don’t dread coming home after work anymore. Most of all, it’s the consistency I love. My life felt so out of control when living with my ex. It was so unpredictable every day…and it was scary living with an out of control alcoholic/drug addict. So many times I felt so caught, submerged, overwhelmed. But I found the strength to break free. It is one of the hardest things I have ever done. The phrase “struggle is natures way of strengthening” really rings true here. I struggled with the decision for a long time, a very long time. But I made it. I made a choice. A choice that was GOOD for ME. I could have chosen to stay. But I finally saw, truly saw, what was happening to me. I began to see patterns and stopped listening to words. Another phrase “The truth is all there is” inspired me. I had to separate what I imagined it could be from what it really was …and then I had to face it. That was the biggest turning point for me. I looked right into what I didn’t want to see. There was really no turning back after that. I began to see everything differently, as if a fog had dissipated. It was very painful when that fog dissipated, but surprisingly at the same time it was liberating. I knew I was getting out. I knew there was a safer place in my future…and I just needed to, and could, get there. And now I am there. I have been here for three months. I struggle with some aspects of the adjustment like rebuilding my social ties after becoming so isolated, learning how to take care of my mind and body again, getting back on my feet financially and dealing with depression. But I have survived something traumatic and I am healing. The healing is slow but it is happening. I am in a place where I CAN heal and that is most important. There are many people on this forum who have helped me. Late at night when there was no one else around and I felt like my world was caving in, I could post on here or read someone’s story and I was no longer alone, I had a lifeline in those moments…thank you. I learned so much from reading your posts. No one among my closest family and friends had ever been in a long-term relationship with an addict. I needed to hear from people who were experiencing, or had experienced, a situation similar to mine. Much love, thank you!

Treeners

Hi there,

I'm new here and my alcoholic boyfriend of 4 years broke up with me almost two months ago. I'm trying to figure out a way to find my own way and move forward.

I don't know your full story but I'm so happy to hear that you are healing. I can only imagine what 10 years of being with an addict would have been like. Do you still talk to your ex? How are they handling the breakup?

I look forward to connecting with you. I'm finding that there is a great sense of community on this site and I'm so grateful for everyone's stories and advice already

suncatcher

I understand where you are coming from, Shutterbug. I moved an hour away from my now ex ABF and I am loving it. I found a quiet, peaceful little farm house out in the country surrounded by nature and all it's beauty. It has been just what I needed and though it gets a little lonely at times, I am not near as lonely now as I was before when I was in the same room with the ABF passed out or oblivious to my existence.
Glad you are here and look forward to reading more of your posts.

suncatcher

Hi Treeners and Welcome! I am new here also and have been where you are. My ex ABF broke up with me several times during our five year on and off relationship (if you could call it that, his relationship was more with his beer than with me). The first time I was completely devastated and felt so lost. Then each time it happened after that, I got a bit stronger and it was less painful. When I finally started focusing more on myself and less on him is when I finally started to find peace. Al Anon is a great place to start as well as keep coming here and reading the posts and posting yourself. You will get there. It takes time but you are at the right place. Be kind to yourself now and start focusing on things that bring you joy and peace.

wysiwyg

The timing of this thread couldn't be better, and it's what finally inspired me to stop lurking and post something here. My relationship is just about 10 years old, and my H is an addict and has strong narcissistic characteristics. I'm sitting on the fence, teetering back and forth about leaving, feeling more and more everyday that calling it quits is the answer for me. I too, have suffered from depression over the past few years, my financial health crumbled along with my mental health, I became more and more isolated from friends and family...and now I also feel as if a fog is lifting and I can see the relationship for what it truly is. And it's so unbelievably painful.

I came here a just few minutes ago after becoming angry again with my H for acting selfishly - I actually told him I hated him as he walked out the door for work. He rolled his eyes, shrugged his shoulders, and kept going, and I immediately plummeted into a deep pit of self-loathing. I had my laptop open at the table and logged in here to distract me from my self-hating thoughts, and saw your thread. It's so inspiring to read about someone who was able to overcome these challenges and rebuild their life and feel satisfied.

Thank you, a million times for starting this thread! I'm heading out to work in a few minutes, but I'm in a much better mood and will be able to get through my day much easier now!

Tuffgirl

Very inspiring post, shutterbug. Thanks for sharing this!
Peace to you on your journey,
~T