The drunk returns today
 

I started writing here about an alcoholic "friend" I had who was driving me nuts. I got a lot of support from folks here and I thank all of you for it. He is currently on his way back today from a 2 wk holiday in Cuba, where he will likely have spent most of his time hammered. I expect he's in a major funk/bad mood today because he has to come back home, to the same sh*t different day. Fighting with his elderly mother who lives with him.

I'd cut contact over a month ago because I just couldn't stand him anymore. He was pretty negative and verbally abusive to me, via email, before his holiday and he was beyond angry. My goal was not to p*ss him off but to explain I cant handle him anymore, politely said as best I could. I now know that he will never understand how I feel.

So I've had a month of no contact, and two wks of him being away. I've enjoyed the peace and quiet and total lack of stress. But now I am a bit nervous of what he may do when he gets home. I dont want him to contact me, but rationality is not his strong suit.

I dont plan to initiate any convo with him, in any way. But sooner or later I will run into him in town, it's a small rural area we are in. I can walk past him if need be, or I can say hi if he initiates a hi. I just dont care to have anything to do with him. Ever. Again.

You folks gave me the strength to deal with this, and I am grateful. I've been reading here every day for 5 wks or so, and learned a lot and have contributed when I felt I had something worth saying. I appreciate the kindness and lack of judgment from everyone! This place is a godsend, especially for people in much worse situations than I am in.

Thanks,
Funkynassau

Wishing you all the best on putting what you have learned into action when this guy gets back in town, funkynassau! Somehow I think you'll do just fine, even if things are somewhat uncomfortable at first.

Thanks! It's going to be that first time I run into him somewhere that I will be dreading. I do think I'll be fine, it'll be that momentary shock of seeing his face when I am thinking about something else...

I do plan to keep reading here, and I will report on how it went once I do run into him.

I appreciate all the support and info I've gotten here :thanks

Hi Funky...I love this quote because I am DREADING that moment. My Ex-AB and I have been on a hiatus for about a year while he has been in first year of AA. And then we had the beginnings of a reconciliation a few weeks back. We were planning counseling, made love after a year and were hopeful. Then he disappeared for several days and when he resurfaced he emailed me that he was all confused and mixed up and he needs to not be with me anymore. Boom...just like that. I have not had contact for 15 days and I have zero idea what happened and probably never will. He has never done anything like that, but I guess I am not that surprised, especially after reading the dozens of stories on this site.

I feel like I am on one of those bad, "Made for TV Dramas"

But, the idea of running into him...will just shock me and I seriously dread it. To go from making love to complete OVER in 48 hours is just so bizarre. I wish wish wish he would leave the area

Wow that stinks he took off like that, it does leave you filled with dread. The guy I know was a sort of friend, far from an ideal friend tho. We had a lot of common interests, the main one being music as we are both musicians.

I know it's just a matter of time before I look around and there he is...how I will react will depend on what he does. If he ignores me then I keep walking, if he says hi then I will say hi and then I keep walking.

Well, if he considered you a friend, then you might want to have some words rehearsed if he follows you and corners you and demands to know what's going on. Something along the lines of, "Dude, I'm not ignoring you because I'm mad, I just think the friendship deal between the two of us has run its course. I wish you the best--really--but I'd rather not hang out or talk anymore. Take care of yourself." Simple, direct, respectful, but not leaving room for discussion.

I've already thought of something along the lines of what you suggest, and thank you for your words! All I ever wanted was for him to back off, a bit, so that he wasnt phoning every day, wanting me to take him somewhere, go do something with him, visit him, any number of things. If he'd back off to a phone call once or twice a week that'd be fine. Hubby and I often went to the local pub with him on a Sat. nite to see the live bands, and that was mostly fun, and if he got loaded he could either walk home or I'd drive him. Yes I see now that that was enabling him, but I didnt see it that way then. I thought I was just being nice by making sure he got home safely, like I'd do for anyone.

So, in the end I didnt get what I wanted, which was for him to back off a bit, he has apparently dumped me as a friend and I am now on his sh*t list. Oh well, what happens, happens!

Yeah, just be careful about explaining all that to him. I wouldn't do it. You are likely to get the kind of blame-shifting or empty promises to change that alcoholics are prone to, and it will (a) wind up making you feel guilty (or worse), or (b) hook you back into the relationship with the same results.

A kind, but firm, "It's over, best wishes," is probably the safest tack.

Oh I dont want to get into any big convo with him, a simple hello will be sufficient. When I first tried to talk to him about his drinking (before I knew about this forum) I tried to tell him this was my problem, that I wasnt dealing well with the drinking, and he did a marvelous job of turing it all around to be all about him! I expected that, as that's what he did in any convo we had. So, because I didnt really get it, I tried again to say it's my issue, not his, and I need to do some thinking, which was true. I assume he got really angry with that because the emails were bizarre and he unfriended me on facebook and just stopped talking to me. That wasnt what I was hoping would happen, but it's probably the only thing that could happen, given his alcoholism. He has no ability to see the other side of anything.

I agree, it's over, best wishes is the best response. I dont want to get sucked into his drama again.