Originally Posted by FindingPeace1

Tuffgirl! Hugs hugs!
When I read and responded earlier your message didn't show up on my mobile.

Ahh, yes. I do see it. I do have red flags. I'm here.
You all help ground me.
I did some (obsessive) research on "moving too fast" and put together a checklist for myself. It might help others, too.

What “moving too fast” looks like and why that matters

1. Lack of seeing reality.
Are you overlooking red flags because you are so immersed in the good feelings? Are you being overly naïve, deliberately or inadvertently? Some of us fall for an IDEA of the person without knowing them. It feels like we love them, but we don’t actually know them very well. We end up having a relationship with an IMAGE rather than reality. Reality takes time to learn. If you are in a rush, you not in a relationship with reality, but your projection of it.

2. Lack of self-listening.
Can you still hear the little voice that has concerns? Do you even remember there is a little voice? Do you know what it is telling you? Even a great partner will have parts that give you pause to consider.

3. Lack of clear thought.
Does s/he make you feel emotionally drugged - woozy or fuzzy? Do you feel you can think through things clearly or are you in a heady, happy daze? Love can do this to us, but it is healthy to have one foot on the ground.
4. Lack of realism in thought. Do you feel it is “perfect” or you’ve found “the One” before you know her/him fully? Do you feel love before you know who it is you are loving? Are you rationalizing or making excuses for your or their behavior?

5. Lack of self-care and healthy protection.
Are you getting what you need? Do you know what that is? Are you taking time for yourself, your friends and your hobbies? Are you making wise and responsible choices? Rushing in has risks for your heart and stability. Are you moving so fast you don’t take time to make sure the relationship is growing appropriately and you are learning through time? Are you over-trusting without evidence or are you letting trust build with time?

6. Lack of self-awareness and groundedness.
Are you getting lost in the “other”? Are you aware of where you are in the relationship, how you feel and what you need? Are you aware of the feelings in your body? Are you aware of your emotions? Can you go inward and breathe and feel your body and heart when you are in their presence or are you swept up in them? Can you keep track of YOU in the face of them? Can you keep tabs on how you feel, not just how they make you feel?

7. Lack of boundaries.
Are you giving up time with others or ignoring responsibilities for the other? Can you say no? Do you or they feel somehow pressured or moving too fast, even in a passive way? Are you over-vulnerable and over-open with your body, your sexuality, your heart or your history because it feels so good to be so close? Are you resistant to spending less time, opening less, talking less, emailing less? Did the toothbrush get left at the other’s house after the first sleepover?

8. Lack of balance.
Are you attached to, or compulsive with or about, the other person – hearing from them, seeing them, getting messages from them? Are you spending time being with or thinking about the other obsessively? Does it feel loose, fun, easy and responsive or intense, directional, overpowering and needy? Are you getting wrapped up in the future and missing the now or, on the flip side, are you getting too lost in the now to see the big picture?

Why We Might Rush

1. The mind-blowing love drugs feel good! They are a siren song. We want to chase that feeling.
2. We feel needy, lonely or dependent, leading us to want happiness with desperation
3. Part of us NEEDS the intense affirmation
4. We have some addiction to the overstimulation of the intensity
5. We are afraid of the emptiness without those feelings
6. We don’t trust ourselves, others, and/or the universe to take care of us
7. We are afraid of being single
8. We are afraid of loss

Originally Posted by wicked

Hello FP!
So happy you have found someone so wonderful.
I hope you have fun and take good care of yourself.

I have a depressive disorder.
When you say "bouts", what are you talking about?

I guess I am asking, has he been diagnosed by a doctor,
and is he being medicated for it?

I can say this, as long as he is aware and willing to work on
staying well, it does not have to interfere with his life.
But, it is his illness, and he must be the one to take care of himself.

Maybe you have heard that somewhere else in your travels on the
recovery road?

As far as having big ups and downs, well, it depends on the type of depression.
Mine is known as unipolar. I have one down mood, and one episode was so bad,
I barely got off the couch for months.

I do not have a manic phase or the big "up", just down, and then further down.
The idea (of treatment) is to keep from going in the valley in the first place.
For me, I have to keep an eye on what I call "checking out".
Stop answering the phone, stop getting the mail, stop doing anything I enjoy.

The final answer? Keep your life in balance, safe, and happy.

I wish you the best FP!

Beth