MaxieJ

Hi all,
As much as I have insisted upon remaining neutral and detached amidst crisis situation involving my AB and CDM, I have been privately obsessing over it in my own head.

Mostly these thoughts involve what I would like to say to both of them. If words from me could change things and get them both on the path to recovery, wouldn't that be great? Haha. Not going to happen.

But it doesn't stop me thinking, CONSTANTLY, and after 2 weeks of this, enough. So this morning every time I found my brain on them, I have said out loud STOP! And shook my head and instead think, I am chopping salad for lunch. I am chopping salad for lunch. I am washing the knife. I am turning off the water. Amazing how many time I have had to say stop! in just an hour.

Ironically I am posting about it which is obsessing so this will absolutely have to be my last visit.

Thanks for the vent space. I am signing off... I am signing off...

Namaste
MaxieJ

m1k3

Just in case you come back and look at your thread, check out MBSR, Mindfulness Based Stress Reduction.

It is a great program with lots of tools for dealing with those types of issues. I can speak from experience because Mindfulness has done wonders for me with that exact problem. I have read a bunch of books and articles on Mindfulness and find the MBSR ones to be the best for me.

Your friend,

MsPINKAcres

for me - I can't NOT think about something ~ I have to replace my thoughts with something else ~

If I am worried or concerned about all the things that can go wrong - my sponsor suggested I start a mental list of all the things that could go RIGHT ~

She said - if you look at it - both have a 50/50 chance of happening - why not focus on the positive!!

pink hugs!

Tuffgirl

Maxie - this cracked me up. I am a master obsessor! And I've found it takes great concentration to master the trajectory of one's thoughts. Mike and Ms. Pink have great ideas. I found others that work for me - especially exercise (great side benefits too).

You sign off with a namaste, so I assume you do yoga. I used to scoff at yoga - I am a high octane person so to me it was too...slow and boring...until I tried it! What an amazing experience! And shoot - its hard! So in order to master the poses and control my breathing, I have to focus on my body and breath. Amazing how I can't focus on anything else or I land on my face. Doing yoga has helped me turn off the constant chattering inside my head, and I find I can do it more often now, with a little mindfulness of my own.

Lastly, it took me forever to come to terms with acceptance of the way things are. As a master obsessor, I was also a master controller, and wanted things to be as I wanted them, all the time. Accepting life on life's terms was one of the greatest lessons I've learned so far.

Hope you do come back and read the responses here.
Good luck!
~T

MaxieJ

I had to check back!!!! Arrrrgh! Hahaha!
MaxieJ

pinkdog

I've heard that the way to stop obsessive compulsive actions IS to tell yourself to stop. Such as checking the doorlock too many times. This does seem to work for me. However, when there is a situation (involving other people) then I do rehearse what I might say to them in my mind alot. For me, it just takes time and eventually I get tired of the subject. The emotions become not as vivid. Kindof get bored really. And try to get busy with something else. I believe coming here is a positive thing. See ya later.

Argnotthisagain

I was just mentioning on another thread that I need to STOP myself and replace the obsessive thoughts with something else.

Also was just chanting and thinking about some guidance I read. You must notice that you are languishing in the pain and past and *fight* to reclaim your life! To reclaim it from past sorrows, you must look forward, consider your highest self and make causes--fight--for yourself.

Florence

Maxie, I'm an obsessive thinker (aka ANXIETY), too. The only things that make it stop are medicine and a commitment to my physical health. When this gets out of whack, there my brain goes.

Anna

MG has a super Stickie on this topic. I was overwhelmed by obsessive thoughts in my early recovery and MG's thread on this subject really helped.

http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...anagement.html

DreamsofSerenity

Hi Maxie,

I am a queen of obsessive thought too..And I drive myself literally crazy.

Like TG, I have found immense relief through yoga. The problem is that it has not solved the problem entirely while I'm off the mat. When my kids are in school, I practice a couple of hours a day, either in a class or at home. But during the summer, this becomes impossible, and my obsessive mind starts to regain power.

I did a mindfulness based Vinyasa class for a couple of years which was fantastic. The teacher said that it was normal for the mind to wander but when it did, you just gently and compassionately redirected it back to the breath. She said the mind had to be trained, and if you just keep redirecting and redirecting and redirecting it, always back to the breath, it would eventually become more easily focused. She must have told us this a hundred times a class: "Bring the mind back to the breath."

It worked and I made huge progress with this in her class. I was able to do about a half hour of class sometimes without even being aware I was in my body. It was amazing: a total escape from anxious, crazy, ME. The problem was the yoga itself was not balanced or taught very well--her real background was in Mindfulness--so I strained my lower back muscles pretty significantly and had to stop Vinyasa. Now I practice Iyengar yoga which I feel can safely carry me through practice as I age and for the rest of my life. My worst fear was to get so injured I couldn't practice yoga at all.

I think what I am trying to say is that the combination of Yoga and Mindfulness can really work wonders for the obsessive mind, and that the basis of both of these is compassion. So maybe instead of yelling at yourself to "STOP", just gently turn your mind over to something else. I think turning it over to something very simple like the breath, or the color of the sky works much better than turning it over to other thoughts, even if they are positive. The idea is really to learn to quiet all thoughts. The chatter is so exhausting.

LifeRecovery

My MBSR class (Mindfullness Based Stress Reduction) was one of the best things I have done for myself to help with the obsessive thoughts. Usually the training includes four CDs (two gentle yoga movement, two more traditional meditation practices) that come with the class.

I also work with individuals trained in a type of therapy with a strong foundation in mindfullness/meditation which has been instrumental in my healing.

I was just talking in therapy the other day how any longer I KNOW what I am obsessing about....because I don't do it with EVERYTHING any longer. It was hard to pick one train of thought out of ALL of the ones I used to obsess over.

PS one thing that has really recently helped me is that this work is just "practice." For me practice for living a better life.....I don't have to do it with perfection to get the benefit, I just have to practice it.

brightstar43

I read a good book by Howard Halpern How to Break Your Addiction to a Person. Great book with good advice......but you have to really practice it

Argnotthisagain

Oh boy am I glad I re-read this link! So helpful, and I understand a *little* more now after some time.......
In other words, I am making progress! I'm beginning to move forward a little more!.

It was a cataclysmic bottom I hit, that's for sure!

But with all the work I've been doing.........

WHEW!!!!!!!!!!!!!!


Thanks you all. You are and have been a critical part of the battle....

owathu

I deal with it by writing out letters in a journal to him. I don't have it at home, but at work..and when I remember a ****** thing he did, I write it down and tell him how I feel in the journal. Stuff I was never allowed to say to him. I don't know why it is at work. I guess because sometimes, during the day, I need to let it out.

We figure it out while we're figuring it out.