Remembrance101

Good morning. I feel the need to introduce myself and force myself to interact honestly here now for the first time even if I don't have much time and even if I don't have anything terribly eloquent to say.

I have been married for 22+ years. My husband and I both put value in our marriage and took great delight in meeting one another's needs etc. I had no idea how quickly that could change. After a business loss, he has turned to nightly alcohol to numb his pain and I am fighting desperately to find healthy boundaries for myself and our children and to keep healthy in my head no matter his actions. After being so close as best friends and lovers and it's painful to have to detach to keep my own head above it.

Some days are better than others. Some days I have hope and others I think it's over. I'm sure much of this is familiar to y'all. I have attended a few alanon meetings and will continue, but haven't been wholly forthcoming about who I'm there for, being in a small town with people I know in the meeting. I know that's my weakness and I know I'll do so soon.

Thank you for welcoming me here. I'm grateful for a safe place to go.

Hammer

You sure said a Mouthful, there, sister.

Welcome and we are all pretty grateful to be here, if not so much about the cause.

jmho -- NOT ALL alcohol [over] use / abuse is Chronic, Deep, Alcoholism. The AA Big Book talks about several levels / conditions / etc.

Just on first pass, it sounds like your hubby's JUST kicked in after the business loss? That unresolved sense of loss and failure may be the issue as much or more than the alcohol.

But at any rate Alanon (for you) is Very Good stuff on dealing with all sorts of life problems. And you just met membership criteria -- jump in, the water is fine.

wiscsober

along with Alanon I have found SR a great support.

You are a caring and loving person to your husband.

I wish him the best.

Carry on with Alanon...maybe meet up with members before and after the meetings.

You also deserve recovery and good health. Peace.

Remembrance101

Hammer, thanks for writing. Made me smile to be called a sister; it's been awhile.

I'd love to say the drinking is brand new and temporary and simply from business loss. However, drinking has increased in the last five years and is now every single night. He is high functioning, seemingly fine at work and as far as the kids are concerned, he just mellows out and falls asleep on the couch. But he does sometimes save his (always quiet) anger for me. The chasm of loss between us is huge and I'm seeing more and more danger signs from him.

I know that alcoholism spirals down and need to batten down the hatches I think. Must get a Alanon book at this week's meeting. No doubt his issues are more than the vodka.... but isn't that always the case? sigh!

Remembrance101

Wiscober, kind words like yours shouldn't feel this rare. Thank you. Emotions must be raw this morning.

Is SR more than the forums?

SparkleKitty

You said it, my friend.

Florence

This is really familiar to me. This is how my AH was for several years -- he was on a downward slide. My guess is that he may be worse than you think because he's trained you not to interfere. Mine did. When I finally did interfere, it was wildly out of control.

Hammer

Understood. I miss Mrs. Hammer, too. . . . . . A LOT. But hey, I have the Zombie Brained Look-Alike Blow Up Doll Replacement [Mrs. Hammer, now] to remind me of the the Way Things Never Really Were. Quite a deal in that.

I guess they "save" the anger for *us* huh? After all, who else would put up with that crap?

At this point genuine Mental Health issues in our house, as near as I can tell.

As far as books -- I know folks always push One Day at a Time, but I (just saying me) think 12 & 12 or How It Works is a better starting point. Truth is I read all of One Day at a Time in the First Day (yeah, I know, I know) and not really picked it up much since. Now we seem to read it (and some others) as pass around books at the meetings.

wiscsober

I think SR is more than forums...

Even though we don't know each other face to face there is a connection...maybe some have met...

Many people I see on SR are from Wisconsin and naturally I am interested in their recovery....

I think Drug Rehabilitation | Drug Addiction Treatment Center | Alcoholism | Addiction Mental Health | Directory Substance Abuse Detox Programs | SoberRecovery has much more than the forums that can be explored.

SR, AA, NA concepts, Alanon, I incorporate in to my daily living. But, F2F with my sponsor and recovery people is so important.