sunnshinegirl

I'm back after an exciting, positive time for me. Last time I posted my STBXAH went on a rant that scared me. Long story but basically I was able to get him out and had some time to myself to move in peace. Well, I'm alone now and LOVING it!!! I can cook my own food again, eat what I please, go to bed when I want, open my windows, visit my friends, have friends over. The list of what I can do goes on forever. I have a really fierce attorney between me and my AH so I've been spared a lot of that unpleasantness and I'm trying not to let it bother me.

I've been reading all the posts from the new people and they sound just like me. I feel as though I'm looking in a mirror. I was so lost and scared and so worried about my AH even though he was abusive and mean and an angry person. Still I thought it was my responsibility to stay and support him and be there for him.

I think leaving is much harder to do than staying (at least in my case). I had to let go of all that codependency and leave a controlling man. Not easy and very scary. But there is light on the other side and it's a so much better life. Not being yelled at and called names and to not walk on eggshells is such a wonderful way to live. After years, I'd forgotten how it feels.

I really owe a lot to the people on this board who posted to all my threads and let me know that what was going on was not okay. Sometimes we read things on these boards we might not like because it hits close to home but the truth will definitely set you free.

Thanks again.

LexieCat

What an awesome post, sunshine! Congrats on your new freedom!! I totally LOVE living alone for the exact reasons you mention.

Fandy

i'm so glad to read that you are safe and happy. i do remember the craziness you posted about not being able to open windows or have air conditioning on.

enjoying some peace , no ranting, eating and sleeping with no constant threats.

sunnshinegirl

Thank you. I didn't post the half of it here as I was too ashamed I was allowing myself to live under those conditions. I respect people's choice to stay as it is very complicated to extricate yourself but I can tell you from experience, it only gets worse. I'm so very glad to be on my own and living my life. So many tiny little pleasures I had forgotten about.

Tuffgirl

Yes, I remember this feeling well when I moved out and bought my little house.

Just knowing what I am coming home to everyday (well, as best as one can with teenagers in the house!) was such a pleasure.

Congrats, and thanks for sharing. That decision took a lot of strength and sharing it here may inspire others to do the same.
~T