Need to get this out
Member
Join Date: Nov 2009
Location: Waterford MI
Posts: 4,202
I advised her that if he was putting pressure on her & trying to tell her what to say then all she has to do is listen & agree if she wants to to keep the peace & then just try to disregard it & leave it up to the authorities.
She seemed happier knowing this.
She seemed happier knowing this.
I know I would have felt better too, leave it to the authorities.
Yes, I was so nervous seeing my father in court, I nearly vomited.
I was a peacekeeper too.
It is shameful when a parent tries to manipulate a child.
This is what used to infuriate me the MOST about my ex husband.
Bringing the kids in, or promising them things when they come live with him,
but he was never able to get a stable place to live after his mother died.
Then moved to Louisiana when the State of Michigan took away his drivers license
for non-payment of child support. He blamed that on me to the kids too.
I had to tell them eventually that is was untrue (what he was saying),
and it was the State who was after him, and I was not not the one who could
get the State to do my bidding.
why not just pay some of the child support?
LOL
Oh well, I got off point.
You are doing very well rosiepetal.
Keep neutral, but honest and true.
That worked for me, and I felt good about it.
Beth
Member
Join Date: Sep 2011
Location: SF, CA
Posts: 40
Hi Petal,
I don't post here but I read regularly. I'm thankfully no longer married to a substance abuser and haven't been for 20 years but I am ACOA: I was about your oldest's age when my dad left and moved to another state. For awhile I had limited contact with him, but I mythologized who he was: kids always want a mom and dad. It wasn't until I was in regular contact that I could see how sick he was. I still loved him, but he embarrassed me and I didn't always feel safe around him. I eventually started making excuses not to go and my contact with him in High School and College was limited. Unless you're worried about their safety, you might want to let your kids see for themselves who their dad is. I think if my mom had prevented me from going, I would have been sad/angry and might not have figured out what I needed to know about him. My heart goes out to you and your kids.
I don't post here but I read regularly. I'm thankfully no longer married to a substance abuser and haven't been for 20 years but I am ACOA: I was about your oldest's age when my dad left and moved to another state. For awhile I had limited contact with him, but I mythologized who he was: kids always want a mom and dad. It wasn't until I was in regular contact that I could see how sick he was. I still loved him, but he embarrassed me and I didn't always feel safe around him. I eventually started making excuses not to go and my contact with him in High School and College was limited. Unless you're worried about their safety, you might want to let your kids see for themselves who their dad is. I think if my mom had prevented me from going, I would have been sad/angry and might not have figured out what I needed to know about him. My heart goes out to you and your kids.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Oct 2012
Posts: 1,423
Thank you.
They have stability with me.
I spent the weekend doing the normal things Soccer & netball.
The kids Dad & girlfriend turned up & I didn't have a problem with that or them going to talk to them. I was a bit nervous but I got through it, afterall I've been doing this on my own for years.
Because of the hard week we had I let the girls have a friend each over for a sleepover which was enjoyed by all. The extra children left in the morning & my eldest daughter asked if we could go & visit one of favourite places & the weather was great. I took them out & we fed farm animals & enjoyed the sun. It was a nice weekend for all.
I know this coming weekend when they go to Dads he will be trying to convince & whoo them but I am not going to do this.
I have made my mind up to stay neutral.
I believe in myself & my decision to have them live with me & carry on with the stability & routine.
I am seeing a lawyer on Thurs for advice.
No legal papers served on me yet but am expecting them soon.
Lastnight I located some paperwork I have kept over the years & they dated back to 2008. I'd recorded dates, times & texts which showed examples of the lack of cooperation & disruptiveness on XH part with regards to the children.
It is up to the law now.
They have stability with me.
I spent the weekend doing the normal things Soccer & netball.
The kids Dad & girlfriend turned up & I didn't have a problem with that or them going to talk to them. I was a bit nervous but I got through it, afterall I've been doing this on my own for years.
Because of the hard week we had I let the girls have a friend each over for a sleepover which was enjoyed by all. The extra children left in the morning & my eldest daughter asked if we could go & visit one of favourite places & the weather was great. I took them out & we fed farm animals & enjoyed the sun. It was a nice weekend for all.
I know this coming weekend when they go to Dads he will be trying to convince & whoo them but I am not going to do this.
I have made my mind up to stay neutral.
I believe in myself & my decision to have them live with me & carry on with the stability & routine.
I am seeing a lawyer on Thurs for advice.
No legal papers served on me yet but am expecting them soon.
Lastnight I located some paperwork I have kept over the years & they dated back to 2008. I'd recorded dates, times & texts which showed examples of the lack of cooperation & disruptiveness on XH part with regards to the children.
It is up to the law now.
Currently Active Users Viewing this Thread: 1 (0 members and 1 guests)
