devastated1

I am needing some advice and this is the only place I feel free to get it. Some of you know I have a 23 year old alcoholic son. He has been arrested 8 times, 2 DUIs......My question is about getting help. He has gone to rehab 3 times but each time he is told his insurance will not cover after detox and has had to leave early. One time after 21 days, one time he made it 28 and this last time only 14 days. He is severe enough that he needs longer but it just seems like there is nothing out there. Unfortunately his insurance won't even cover outpatient and I can't afford it. He has made it 30 days but then always relapses. I have read other posts about their loved ones staying 8 months. Are we looking in the wrong place? His license was revoked which has also made it very hard to find work. Not only because he can't get there but because everyone does background checks. He has a college degree and has gotten interviews but has not gotten at least 3 jobs that we know of because of his DUIs. It seems like a vicious circle. He thinks a longer stay would help him and wants to go. Any advice?

cr995

Oh I do feel for you. I have an AH and our son who is 21 has already had some worrying episodes with alcohol.

As a mum you just worry yourself sick. I have much more faith in AA than I have in anything else.

I have been going to Alanon myself for a year now - I went to try and save my marriage but what I learnt ended up helping me with my son.

He started behaving very strangely - like getting to school on the train and then turning round and walking the 10 miles back home again. I just listened to him when he talked but I did not advice him to do anything - it was hard but I did it. Thankfully he got himself to the doctor and was put on anti-depressants but I still worry about him.

I try to listen to him just when he talks and if he asks for advice I give it but I don't try to sort out his problems because I know that would not allow him to solve them himself.

But it is a very painful situation - all you can do - I do is hand it over to my HP - as I learn in Alanon. (((hugs)))

Hammer

Most likely you can get the BEST help for YOU at Alanon.

In a typical week I hit a few different ones in different towns.

Some are mostly husband/wife type places, sort of like this place, but some have a Very High amount of Parents -- like you. Those meetings really seem good for them.

Do you know how / where / when, etc. for Alanon in your area?

devastated1

There are only a couple where I live. You are right and I should make myself go.

HopefulmomtoD

I was just wondering how you and your DS were doing. No advice, really.

Does HE want it? I've heard others suggest Salvation Army or there are other Christian based like teen recovery. I think the cheaper state/county run facilities seem to be available once laws have been broken.

He's had rehab- he knows what to do. Many have done it on their own- they just have to be ready.

LexieCat

Yes, from what I understand, the Salvation Army has an excellent program. As Hopefulmom points out, though, he has to WANT to recover. If he doesn't, all the rehabs in the world won't make any difference.

Another good option to consider is a sober living house. IF he has the motivation--they will not tolerate drinking or drug use and he will be out the door if he violates the rules. But the supportive environment can be helpful.

Where is he staying now? Is he living with you?

devastated1

No, he lives in a different state. He will owe rent Aug 1st and I will either have to pay it for him or he will be on the streets. I know most will probably say I just let him be on the streets and maybe I should. It's just very hard and I know he really is trying to find a job. I don't know.....

LexieCat

He doesn't have to be on the street. There are shelters available. I wouldn't suggest paying his rent. I know people who very literally spent time living in a cardboard box, and that was what it took for them to choose sobriety. If he knows mom (or dad, sorry, not sure which you are) will pay his rent, he knows he can continue to coast with his addiction.

wolfpackfan45

My 22 year old son is a recovering alcoholic, so I know how you feel. It's awful. Mine was just in the hospital one night on IVs when he detoxed and then they sent him home.He decided to go to the hospital on his own. We took him to the Dr. who gave him some meds for the first few weeks. He took them and I drove him to AA. Once he went off the meds he drove himself to AA. That was his rehab for 2 months. He's now back in college, but he knows if he relapses he's on his own. So far, sober for 9 months as far as I know. I've heard of a lot of parents talk about the Salvation Army rehabs. They're supposed to be good and they're free. If you go to an Al Anon meeting in your area you may met some parents who can tell you about other low cost or free rehabs. We have a free one in our area run by a church that I learned about from folks in AlAnon. But the important thing is that HE has to want to go and get help. You're not alone. I know how worried and tired you are. Been there, done that. It's exhausting and a whole different ballgame when it's your child.