transformyself

Look, you may not know this yet, but you are AMAZING! You've succinctly summed up his addiction, how it affects your family and the steps you took to protect yourself and your children.

Have you read any of the other posts here? Do you know that is sometimes takes other spouses of addicted persons YEARS to sort through their own issues and be able to take care of themselves (myself included)?

Listen, anyone who disregards or minimizes what you've been through, and how it impacts the children can go eff themselves. Seriously. You don't need them. You've been through hell and back, and IMHO are doing fantastic!

wicked

Exactly.
Just because he wants to continue his death march, in no way are you responsible
for HIM!
It is incredible that people who have no idea what happened to you and your
children dare to speak their minds about your life and the safety and well being of
your children.

Thank you so much for choosing life over death, your children over illness and pain.
You are a winner!


Beth

PS
I look at it this way, every drunken, effed up decision my ex made,
every job he lost, every abuse he heaped (verbal and emotional) on
the children, he was choosing to LEAVE me.

In effect he left you and your children long ago.
You just made it official.
And yeah, no one has any idea what you and the children went through.
Hiss on the judgment makers.

PippiLngstockng

I love this thread!

Yes, a big Me Too!

Wow, can stbxah put on an award-winning woe-is-me show. I caught him staring at me, excuding this'look how gaunt and old and perturbed I've become because of you' look. Everyone around him seems to urgently want to do something to help him, his sadness is so moving and pathetic. So his colleague, the neighbors, family, doctor - they get the idea from him that I am a heartless witch. It's like he hypnotizes people.

Me, I saw the new and improved poor-pathetic-me look and it surprised me. But I was also there years ago when he got out of jail for dv against me. Oh how he cried for himself. And we all so wanted to make him feel better.

Try to Know, Know, Know in the deepest way possible your own experience with him. And make new friends if it comes down to it. Get another family doctor.

I moved continents. I see myself as a refugee here. I am grateful to be able to start over.

And yes, I am furious with the folks who sympathize with Stbxah. Bunch of idiots. But so was I an idiot. After all, I am the one who let him get away with all his crud the last 20 years. Idiot indeed!

onceuponatime2

"I look at it this way, every drunken, effed up decision my ex made,
every job he lost, every abuse he heaped (verbal and emotional) on
the children, he was choosing to LEAVE me."

I love this statement wicked. So true, so true... Thank you, for this.

skippernlilg

For the longest time, I figured they didn't like me because I asked him to go and I wasn't being supportive of him. He even told me that his stepmother said I wasn't good for him. After some time for reflection, I realize they resent me because now they think they're stuck dealing with him, when all along all I've ever lived was: work on your own side of the street. So, I'm over here sweeping, and it looks and smells quite pleasant...over here on my side of the street. I do "feel" for the position they think they're in, but I also know they don't have to be in it either. That's for them to figure out.