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My smartphone is dumb

Old 07-25-2013, 09:37 AM
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My smartphone is dumb

Ok, I admit, as much as I'd like to blame my latest stupidity on my phone, it is probably user-error.

I "butt dailed" someone last night. Technically it wasn't a classic butt dial, it was thumbing through my contacts looking for someone else's #, saw his name, feelings came up, I opened the contact card, and somehow I initiated a call! Holy smokes! Where is the freakin end call button? Why isn't it working? Oh hell. Too late. He answered. I was able to disconnect then, but low and behold he called back. And left a voicemail. Damn it. I hate this phone.



This guy is someone I dated briefly in April; however we are old friends and always had an attraction there, so it was easy to fall into it. Sadly, it didn't work, got real weird, and he did a vanishing act in late May, and we haven't talked since. I know better than to chase a vanisher.

But I've missed him, I admit, and think of him often. With fondness. Yes, I really liked this guy, and it was nice, after a long and painful experience with an A, to have those feelings again, even for just a little while. But he left me hanging, and although I know why based on his behavior, the fact that one day he just vanished leaves me with a bad taste in my mouth. I KNOW BETTER now - guys who do those kinds of stunts are not trustworthy and not relationship material.

So now I have a call back and a voicemail I have yet to listen to. Funny thing is, I am scared to listen to it. I don't want to hear what he has to say. I don't want to hear his voice. And its not because I am angry or anything negative; its the opposite. I don't trust myself around this guy. He has a pull on me that I can't describe, and which feels unhealthy (or at least makes me feel super vulnerable) and all my alarms are ringing.

It's funny in a way, this time being able to see the fork in the road and be able to stand here and contemplate it. My butt dial wasn't a sub-conscious mistake...I know this. I didn't mean to call him overtly, but I had been thinking about him a lot lately, and sub-conscious motivations are often much harder to fight off. I don't often see them until they hit me upside the head. But I am getting better at it!!!

Anyway, for all you out there fighting your own urges and feeling frustrated, sad, angry, or simply baffled at your own emotions - know that we are all susceptible to them, and here is a perfect example of what NOT TO DO! Lock the screen on your phone!!

I have no idea what to do next...or why I am even posting this here. Maybe its to talk myself out of listening to the voicemail and being thrust back into something with this guy. I didn't mean to, yet here I am. Maybe I did mean to, after all. Hell, I don't know what I meant to do, honestly. Feel free to chime in here and help me shed some light on my epic fail. I am truly at a loss as to what my real motivations are.

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Old 07-25-2013, 09:51 AM
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Aww hugs ... I hate those mistakes. And, I've learned the hard way- to lock my phone!
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Old 07-25-2013, 09:54 AM
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((((((hugs)))))))
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Old 07-25-2013, 10:01 AM
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Oh dear, I've done this also. I would look up someones name in my received or dialed to see the last time that I talked to them, and for how long, then I don't know how, but the phone called the #. (lol) Did this a few time before my divorce, hung up immediately when I heard it ringing, and hoped that he wouldn't call me back.

If he did he was nasty anyway, so I had no problem saying I thought I wanted to talk to you, but realized I didn't.

I deleted him from my contacts. This way if I really wanted to call him, I would have to dial the phone, and I would cut my fingers off before I did that.
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Old 07-25-2013, 10:07 AM
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Tuffgirl, have you deleted the voice mail yet?
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Old 07-25-2013, 10:09 AM
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Yup, delete from contacts and delete the voicemail without listening to it. Also delete from your "recently called" list.

Yeah, I hate how hitting the screen in the wrong place dials the call instead of simply displaying the number.

Know how if you delete something, the phone or computer asks, "Are you SURE?" And sometimes even, "This action cannot be undone."

Warnings like that would be nice for certain people we shouldn't be contacting.
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Old 07-25-2013, 10:23 AM
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Originally Posted by amy55 View Post
Oh dear, I've done this also. I would look up someones name in my received or dialed to see the last time that I talked to them, and for how long, then I don't know how, but the phone called the #. (lol) Did this a few time before my divorce, hung up immediately when I heard it ringing, and hoped that he wouldn't call me back.

If he did he was nasty anyway, so I had no problem saying I thought I wanted to talk to you, but realized I didn't.

I deleted him from my contacts. This way if I really wanted to call him, I would have to dial the phone, and I would cut my fingers off before I did that.
I had the number to the owner of where I worked. After butt dialing him on break once, I simply put his phone number under "notes" with his name. This way I had the number but could not dial it on accident.

After many butt dials I locked my phone lol.
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Old 07-25-2013, 10:24 AM
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Thanks all, I haven't touched the phone again since he called back! I think I am afraid to touch it again!

I thought I had deleted the contact - which is why I opened the card when I saw it. Funny, I remember doing it. Or maybe I thought about it and didn't?! I don't know.

This guy rattles me.
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Old 07-25-2013, 10:36 AM
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I don't trust myself around this guy. He has a pull on me that I can't describe, and which feels unhealthy (or at least makes me feel super vulnerable) and all my alarms are ringing.
I used to have a guy like that in my life. Even when I was married, I always felt like if he rang my doorbell at 11 on a Wednesday night and said "come with me" I would leave everything and go. He was an alcoholic, too. Sometimes, we just need a solid thud upside the head -- you know like that V8 commercial? -- as in "WHAT were you THINKING!?!??!"
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Old 07-25-2013, 10:45 AM
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Originally Posted by lillamy View Post
"WHAT were you THINKING!?!??!"
That's just it - when I get around this guy, I stop thinking!

Yeah, if he rang my doorbell right now and said "come with me", I think I'd go. No, I know I would.

I think that is why I am afraid to even touch my damn phone again. Like it will telepathically communicate with him somehow and he'll show up at my door and my powers of rational and intellect will go *poof* and hormones will take over and that'll be the end of that!

Damn hormones and full moon.
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Old 07-25-2013, 10:47 AM
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Damn hormones and full moon.
Word.
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Old 07-25-2013, 11:35 AM
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Tuffgirl, you are so smart and have obviously spent a lot of time and effort to learn what is harmful for you. Even this moment--you are smart enough and have enough clarity to be "afraid" of that damn voice mail!! That is huge--huge. You are able to resist that codie voice.

This is definitely the time to lead with your brain rather than your heart. Your brain will save your A**. Erase that voice mail--fast. After you erase it---your ambivalence will fade right away. I promise.

After a while---after this near-crisis is history---maybe, try to isolate and analyze those particular features this character had that leads you like a moth to the flame. There might be a bonanza of learning, there.

Good girl--for knowing enough to resist!!!!!!

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Old 07-25-2013, 11:54 AM
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I know exactly what you're going through. I blocked my ex's number, but his texts still come through--- I just ignore the, Last week he texted me a picture of an engagement ring and asked how I'm doing, (and he ALWAYS seems to text when I'm finally doing ok). I just always ignore and don't respond. Maybe deleting his number would help you??

Good luck!
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Old 07-25-2013, 12:08 PM
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I just went through something similar to this, but it wasn't a butt dial that started it, but an "hope you are doing well" email.

Fast forward 5 months later (a really great, fun 5 months later) and he pulls the vanishing act once again....Now I have to go through the pain again.

My advice-delete his # and any other info you have on him, and save yourself the pain I'm going through right now....

Will I ever ****ing learn?
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Old 07-25-2013, 12:16 PM
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Oh yes, I know the END CALL panic!!


On the flip side, my iPhone managed to delete every text my STBXAH ever sent me a few weeks after he moved out - my cheekbone did it while I was talking to my mum on the phone.. Was glad not to have to make the choice to erase, once the initial shock had passed..

I say write his number down and tuck it away some place you'll forget, and then delete him from your technological devices

X
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Old 07-25-2013, 01:31 PM
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I say delete the messages NOW and delete his phone # from your phone NOW then this wont happen again. Dont read or listen, just delete.
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Old 07-25-2013, 04:42 PM
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Tuffgirl, I agree with everyone is saying, probably best to delete message, delete contact .

BUT for myself, personally I would probably listen to the message. It's been said I have more balls than brains.........

It doesn't mean you have to respond.

It's been over 7 years since my ex fiance and I broke up, his # is still in my phone, why? I cannot explain, it just is.......... in that 7 years I have only called him once with some really good news. Why did I call him then? Seemed like the best thing to do at the time............

I've mentioned this before, but we were at a mutual friends funeral a couple years ago, we talked civilly, he did apologize for ending the engagement, he wanted us to go somewhere together so he could explain, at the time I just could not do that..... fast forward three years, I would be just curious enough to want to know....... not that it matters anymore, ( and that may be answer, it just doesn't hurt/ effect me, like it used to)

Do what you have to do to keep yourself on track.......
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Old 07-25-2013, 05:27 PM
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Thanks all. Ok - here's the rest of the story. I finally mustered the courage to listen to the voicemail. I was stunned when I opened the file (goes to my ***** account) to find it was 3 minutes long. Holy cow - this guy had A LOT to say. Great.

It was 3 minutes long. 3 long minutes of SILENCE! He called back, and tried to hang up, and didn't disconnect!

We are quite a pair. Dumb and dumber!!! I really got a good laugh out of it though. And I think that is really what I needed most. To laugh at the ridiculousness of it, of us, of romance and life in general. We (people in general) really go out of our ways to complicate things sometimes, don't we? Big offender of that right here!!!

I deleted his contact info from my phone. No more butt-dials from me. If ever he decides he wants to communicate like a grown up, instead of running away like a 5 yr old, he knows where to find me. Until then, no more possibilities of accidental (yet sub-consciously on-purpose) contact.
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Old 07-25-2013, 05:33 PM
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LOL, that's a riot.

He probably thought you were playing "hang-up call" games and decided to do the same thing back. What a guy.

The guy painting my house butt-dialed me today. The worst is when someone does that, and you can hear talking and stuff in the background, but you can't get anyone's attention and you can't use the phone because the line is still open.
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Old 07-25-2013, 06:16 PM
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