Relieved
 

Hello -

I have been posting mainly in the newcomers forum regarding my own drinking (I'm on day five of sobriety) - but my boyfriend is also a serious binge drinker who has been getting progressively worse. And quickly. Most attempts to talk to him about it was met with avoidance or denial. I have been so worried about him. We don't live together and I kept thinking he could fall, choke or simply pass out and not wake up and it would be too late. I also worried about him, and everyone else he may encounter, while driving when drunk/blacked out to get more alcohol during a binge.

Through all of this I've known that I couldn't make him quit, couldn't control his drinking, etc. He had to come to his own realization that he had a problem. Stepping out of his way and hoping he'd do so has been so difficult. It's so sad to watch someone you love struggle - especially when I could personally identify with it. I had come to the point where I knew I needed to stop drinking, how come he couldn't?

But yesterday my boyfriend made that first small -but huge- step and admitted he has a problem. He talked to his bosses and they were understanding (he'd been missing lots of work, showing up late, etc.) He's going to start AA.

I'm so relieved. I know he has a long road ahead of him but at least now he's admitted he needs help.

Yesterday was a good day.

Hi and welcome.

Keep focusing on yourself and your recovery. It's worth it.

Thanks Florence. I know we both have to focus on our own issues. But it's so nice that now we can support each other as we do so. I was very open about acknowledging my problem, he would not even after repeated multi-day binges, disrupting holidays, weekend plans, him getting to work, etc. It was such denial. Now we can acknowledge the "elephant in the room." Progress!

Congrats on your five days!!

It may or may not be progress. As you may have noticed, alcoholics sometimes say things to please others, but having HUGE mental reservations in the meantime. If those reservations are harbored, sooner or later they tend to win out over whatever acknowledgements of a problem were made. Not to be totally negative here, but that is the reality.

Whatever he does, do NOT let your concern with him, or his actions, jeopardize your own recovery. It is very fragile at the moment. Five days is awesome, but there is a lot of work for you to do.

Keep comin' back!

Oh Lexie I know, and I know....that's why I've only been telling him what I planned to do with my own sobriety, not what I thought he should be doing to work on his. I've only said I'm worried about him and left it at that. I had my own stuff to work on. Yesterday when he said he needed help and that he was going to AA it was a complete surprise. A good surprise. Of course now he actually has to go.

Well I'm sure no one is surprised that I'm reporting back that he's drinking again. Was drunk last night when I went to his place. When he wouldn't talk about it I left and went back home.

Talked to him again this morning around 9:30. Still sounded a little drunk to me. I am supposed to go over at noon, which means he has 2.5 hours to sober up, or get more drunk. Let's see which one he chooses. Past practice says the latter. I may be back home by 12:30.

Myself, I am on my 28th day without a drink. Will not my disappointment with his situation impact my own decision to better my own life. It's just sad because he was doing really well until this week.

And now he just called. He'd meant to text me instead but wound up calling instead. Yep he's drunk. But wouldn't admit he'd been drinking this morning. To my knowledge it's the first time he's lied to me when I've asked him a direct question. Makes me very sad.

Hi, NorCaliGal--thanks for the update. Congratulations on your 28 days of sobriety (or actually 29 now, right?) That's a great achievement! It's no small feat to deal w/your own alcoholism while involved w/an actively drinking A also.

It sounds to me like you have your priorities and actions straight, since you say you won't be around him if he's drinking and you refuse to let his behavior impact your sobriety.

The lying thing--man, can I relate to that. I'm sorry you're experiencing that too. I guess maybe he didn't feel a need to lie to you when you were both active A's but now it's different? If there is anything good to come of the fact of your own problem of alcoholism, maybe it'll be that you won't be hooked into the BS as badly as those of us who don't have that view from the inside....

I wish you continued sobriety, clarity in seeing what needs to be done, the strength to do it, and peace when you have done what you can, whatever it turns out to be.