Skymitchg

I have read a few others posts and am so sorry for what they are going through. Some seem much tougher than what I am. I want to go to an alanon meeting but haven't seemed to manage it yet. I love my sober dh, but have started hating him when he is drunk. I'm tired. He was drunk by the time I got home friday, then saturday we had a welcome home dinner at dd for sil and he was drunk by the time he met us there for dinner. So after dinner I was mad and moving furniture in our ds(9) room, he was standing in my way repeatedly asking if I needed help. I told him no that I was mad because he was drinking so he said I guess you just want me to f off. I said yep and he left. About 3 hours later he comes back upset, saying there are rumors going around about him sleeping with 5 women, says one of the women told him(I almost think he is making the rumors up himself) he wanted me to assure him I trusted him and didn't think he would fool around, so I told him I trusted sober him totally but drunk not really. He couldn't understand that he puts himself in the position to be questioned when he goes out without me all the time and doesn't come home until between 2am and 6am. Sometimes he says I'll be back in an hour and I don't see him for 14... Umm I'm not supposed to question that? The people he hang with are all alcohol drinkers and I don't think too highly of ANY of the girls that these guys know. Anyways he ended up yelling at me that he didn't deserve this treatment and we were done. So I slept in another room. When he got up he asked why I was in another room. Are you kidding me. 10 years of this is too much. So I very calmly took him out of ds hearing and told him what he said and that I was tired of cryin and being angry. He told me he would dump his beer ... But didn't and drank it. .. Thinks I don't know. Only hAd one Monday.. But tried to sneak some in tonight . I don't know what to do... I was in serious bad shape on sat..

Skymitchg

I haven't found one yet but are there any stories of people staying and still having a happy ending?
My ex was a substance abuser too, we split up and he passed away in a car accident 3 years ago... It still hurt even though we were split a long time. And now here I am again.

brownhorse

There some stories out there. Not mine, but you are not alone. I realized my XAH was not going to change drunk or sober. I reached out for hope, too.

Try to get to Alanon. People that I have met are wonderful. Best wishes

marie1960

In sincere gentleness , I say, happily married men do not come home between the hours of 2 and 6 am. Or vanish for 14 hours........

His actions are disrespectful. period.

Only you can decide what you consider an acceptable lifestyle

10 years is a long time, my friend, and in that 10 years what has changed?

Sounds to me like you are tired and ready for a change.

We will be here and listening, we have been there and we understand.......

wicked

marie said this so perfectly.
I lived like this for 12 years.
Please, get some help and support for yourself.
He does not remember these conversations.
(I am a recovered alcoholic).
all the pain you get, and he does not remember.
Your daughter and you deserve a better life.
Your daughter is learning about adult relationships from you and your husband.
And, yes, she does know something is terribly wrong.
I grew up with an alcoholic father.
I knew something was wrong very young.

Take care of you and your daughter,

Beth

sorry, I read ds and thought daughter.
your son and you deserve respect and honor in your home.
You will get neither with a drunk in it.

Tuffgirl

You'll probably find more "happy endings" in Al-Anon than here. SR tends to be a place of crisis; people come and go when they need the support.

I found this forum while googling this very question...can people get past alcoholism and have a healthy marriage? Sadly, I didn't find a lot of evidence of this. My guess is overall, it's pretty rare. And my experience is that someone getting sober isn't the be-all end-all. We'd like to think it is, until we realize drinking often masks other issues, especially emotionally immaturity, but often mental illnesses and other significant issues that strain a marriage as much as the drinking does.

There is no easy answer here, except that you are free to leave this situation at any time.

Just my humble opinions,
~T

Skymitchg

Thank you all for responding, it helps to feel not so alone, and like I'm not the one going crazy. Change would/will be hard. I like where I live and need the room, but don't think I can afford it on my own. My disabled mother lives with us and I'm not sure I can handle her demands on my own either. He works, pays part of the rent and bills and helps out with things. But I don't want the lifestyle where every weekend I am left with our ds while he is out socializing. But if he stays home he seems to get drunk fairly quickly and passes out on the couch, I don't want to talk to him drunk anyways. I just feel like I'm always angry or upset. Except when I've got plans and I do a lot of things to make me and ds happy..as soon as I'm away a weight lifts. And when we come home he is drunk. Ds is def noticing because he asked why daddy was walking funny. I noticed a weird thing last night dh and I were talking to a neighbor, he had had 1beer and his head was doing this strange jerky thing? Any idea what that would be? I am going to go to an alanon on sat. It has bbsitting so I won't have to leave ds with ah.

Michael59

Seriously try to get to an alanon meeting,,I probaly put off going for 16 yrs. But went to my first meeting this past Saturday.Its really about you and your sanity.Take care of YOURSELF!

honeypig

I don't know what it would be, but I would like to say that he had 1 beer that you know of...as far as I have seen, most A's hide the amount that they drink, so if you actually saw him have one beer, there is no telling how much else he drank out of your sight.

Yes, please do go to Alanon. Living like this for 10 years is just a shame, and you and your daughter deserve far better.