amy55

Ok, I have construction workers here. We all know how raunchy that talk can get. Well, I just go right along with them. You want to bring up the ***** word, well it doesn't upset me, sometimes I will even get in the conversation with them.

So, I am trying to think if that was more to do with people pleasing, perhaps maybe manipulation, (they tend to want to take care of me, and are protective of me), or i guess just me not knowing who I am anymore, and trying to see where I fit in?

So sometimes a new construction worker comes here, and he is using fowl language, he looks at me and feels embarrassed, and they are told you are talking to amy, she's cool. It's ok. Now none of this bothers me, because I do get what I want, I get more then that, actually. They help me carry bags in when I go shopping, if they are hurting emotionally, they do come to talk to me.

I guess it's not like I grew up without this language. Need to give an example here. My cat was sitting in the window. Construction worker was there, and said hey *****, how you doing, I was right there also. I answered "were you talking to me, or my cat"? We both laughed.

So I am trying to start my life over again, trying to know what is normal and what isn't. I am friends with my contractor. I went to his wedding, and the bridal shower, and the baby shower. They are in their 30's but they always sit me with friends, not the mothers and fathers who are my age, I am 57.

So really, am I normal? or am I trying my best to be a people pleaser?

Now I can also go to a church thing, or a family thing, and I relate appropriately. I have had at least 2 people who want to adopt me as their daughter.

Am I just putting up fronts so that I can be accepted?

AnvilheadII

hank is in masonry construction...all his buddies are in masonry construction....they are a bit of a rough crowd....but not with out SOME manners. when they are over here at OUR house, sure they talk shop way too much..lots of gruff talk...however and this I appreciate so much, they treat ME with respect. hank and I have a small two seater table in the alcove by the front door, that is the only place we smoke in the house....if hank and a buddy are sitting there, and I come out to smoke, they will literally LEAP from MY chair....

I have no problem with rough language, in fact I have to govern myself at MY job....F this and F that do not bother me whatsoever...I do however bristle at anything racist. or overtly sexist.

if it doesn't bother YOU....it's ok. where we get into people pleasing is when stuff DOES bother us, but we remain silent and do not speak OUR truth.

amy55

Thanks AnvilheadII. I thought I might get jumped on that I allowed that language, and even at times participated in it.

Thought I should be more ladylike, when I don't want to.

They do seem to have the utmost respect for me.

This stuff doesn't bother me at all. It's just banter stuff to me. I'm dealing with people who are 20 - 30 years younger then me.

Guess I was mostly worried about if I am "setting myself up for something". Because of my age should I be more prim and proper.

But does make sense, if I am not uncomfortable with it, and they can relate to me better this way, then all is good. Right ????

LexieCat

Yeah, my language went all the eff to hell when I started working with cops. Similar kind of atmosphere. I am capable of speaking very eloquently when I am in court, politely and deferentially with older people (I'm the same age as you, or will be in a couple of weeks), etc. There isn't anything wrong with adjusting your language and demeanor to suit the situation and the audience. I'm a writer. I write much differently here than I would in a letter to a judge or an adversary or in a formal legal document. I was always taught as a writer to write appropriately to the purpose and the audience.

To me, it's good communication technique. And I agree with Anvil, if those kinds of words bothered you, and you were saying JUST for the sake of being accepted or liked, that might indicate some people-pleasing. If you are comfortable, with it, why the f*ck not?

amy55

Lexie , thanks for that. Also if you are going to turn my age in a few weeks, well I will hit the 58 in Dec. (lol)

I am comfortable with those words. I don't use them daily. I really don't. Just didn't know if it was acceptable for someone my age using these words with, wow, young kids!!!! (lol) like over 20 years younger then me. But it seems like it makes things more comfortable for both or all of us. And I do really enjoy one of these tough guys looking for a shoulder to cry on and they know I am there for them.

So talking like I grew up in a gutter is really ok then???/

LexieCat

Hey, it's OK by me. I still talk that way with certain people, whom I know it won't offend.

LOL, I had a coworker who used to talk like THIS (WARNING!! clip contains profanity). Seriously. Every other effin' word or syllable. Despite his colorful vocabulary, he was an EXTREMELY good trial lawyer and wound up being the supervisor of our trial team. Once he had that responsibility, he cleaned up his language around the office.

A lot of people claim swearing is a sign of a poor vocabulary. Obviously not so. I watch it around people who might be offended--it isn't nice to make other people uncomfortable (unnecessarily).

amy55

Lexie, I loved the f..king utube. I also had forgotten one of my fav albums back in the 60's was George Carlin. I f..king love him also.

Ok, owning up to it right now, born on the wrong side of the tracks in Bayonne NJ, with a Brooklyn accent.

amy55

Ok, so as long as I am comfortable with it I can get as crude as I want. If I am outdoors I can go take a pee behind trees. I can sit at a table and pick at my teeth, if I want to. Guess maybe I'm home!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Just need to put up the pretense when I'm not.

Oh, and I can even talk about masturbation with men that their wives left and cheated on them? Is that ok also?

edited to add: not that I talk about masturbation, the one that came in my house to talk to me, that needed ice for his hand, was talking about that after he found out his wife cheated on him.

Nice to know this is normal, and maybe just perhaps my other one wasn't.

wicked

Lexie, this is one of the reasons I effin love ya!
I was in the Army, so was my ex and my father.
Oh yeah, both brothers.
So, in the field, that is the way I talked.

You are okay with me Amy, swear if you are good with it,
and that is the way you communicate.
I can behave in mixed company, but I will not swoon if someone uses the "f" word
in front of me..

I was amazed and surprised when some teens nudged each other,
and stopped swearing when they saw me in the same aisle as them in Walgreens!
LOL
If they only knew!
but, I appreciate their manners, something distinctly missing from some
youngsters around this apt building for sure.

Not starting with the old lady rant!

Beth

Hey Amy, only UF* my closet for about twenty minutes, but made great progress!
*****!

amy55

I knew you would get to the closet tonight. I'm sure you made a great start.

and I effin love you Beth.

wicked

Uhm, he needed ice for the hand that he uses to masturbate?
LOL
sorry, I am bad, bad, bad.
hehehehe

wicked

Amy,
I effin love ya right back!

amy55

Ummmm yep, he told me that was his good hand, I told him he can also use the other. My bad !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! And yes, that was his biggest complaint, lol

amy55

I guess I was just worried that I was interacting with handymen the wrong way. But they do go out of their way to help me also. So can it be that they just consider me as one of their own? Even with that age thing. Do you think they really like me for me?

SparkleKitty

I effing love this thread. Thanks, ladies!

DesertEyes

You ladies are cracking me up!! Who needs Sat Nite Live with you around?

As far as the language, I lived with a biker chick for 5 years, and after that dated a navy chick. I met some of their relatives who could chit-chat for an hour and have every single word be a cuss word. You army babes have no idea how colorful language can be

IMHO, it's now _what_ is said, it's whether it's the natural state for the person, or whether it's pretending to be something they are not.

Mike

amy55

thanks mike, I was afraid to see what you said, i thawrt u were gonna shut me down. I feel like I am back in my natural habitat. Feel like I am home with this.

wicked

I have found, that when I am comfortably myself, (including eff bombs)
people like me.
I believe that just being me is good enough for anybody.
Amy, just being you is perfect.
Be who you are and everybody wins.


It sounds to me like they are comfortable around you,
and look to you as someone they can share stuff with.
wow, talking masturbation with the guy who had a cheating wife.
He wanted to tell someone about that.
I am glad for him that you were there.

What an effin inspiration you are!
Thanks for being here, and for talking straight to me.

Beth

LeSigh

The people pleasing side of what is maybe a kind of trivial thing is quite telling though..

I swear like a trooper who has just stubbed his toe.. I don't do it in work related client meetings, but almost everywhere else, including around kids (oops!) it just comes out. I'm well educated, have a good vocabulary, but it's just part of expressing myself..

The only place in my life where i DONT swear, consciously and deliberately (ie to people please!) is my parents. I am currently in therapy and exploring childhood strategies for minimising discomfort for my mentally unwell mother.. The more I explore it, the more frustrated I feel that I can't even speak naturally to them at this point!

So I say let it effing out! It helps I live in a very sweary city so it's not uncommon here..

But why don't I trust the people who love me the 'most' to meet me where I am?

Sending you all the best ******* wishes!

X

fedupbeyondall

It's funny, we just had a post yesterday morning about a similar dilema but from the male perspective. Be who you are. As long as the situation doesn't make you uncomfortable, who cares if someone else doesn't think you "ladylike". That's my 2cents