Where to Start?

Old 07-23-2013, 02:17 PM
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Where to Start?

I have been with my friend for about 4 years this year, and when I met him I came to learn that he drinks a lot. He would drink about 12 beers a night, I learned that he used to be quite the pot head back in his teens, but when he wanted to quit smoking pot, he took up drinking in it's place. I was drinking quite a bit when I met him too so, it took me quite a while to be honest to myself about the problem.
Just recently during a night of partying he confided in me that he knows he has a problem, that alcohol has a grip on him and it is controlling his life, he asked me not to give up on him, and asked me to help him through this time.
The next day he stopped at the liquor store and picked up a flat of beer.
He doesn't like to do anything social unless drinking is involved, he has high anxiety when he is around people while he isn't drinking.
There has been a couple times that he has quit drinking, the longest instance being 2 months - he was very miserable and grumpy during that time.

I know that I have been wrong by not trying to help earlier, I really care about him, and I can see him slipping away, I need and want to help, but I don't know where to start.

I don't want to make him fee bad for drinking every time that he does because I don't see that as being productive, I think it would drive him to drink more.

He is absolutely against AA and support groups at this time.

Any Advice?
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Old 07-23-2013, 02:28 PM
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He has to want to stop. If we could help our A's, we wouldn't need this forum for support. We'd help them.

Best advice I've ever gotten... Take care of you!
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Old 07-23-2013, 02:41 PM
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Steavi, welcome to SR. I hope you find as much support and education for your situation here as I have.

As someone has already mentioned, your A has to want to stop; there's really nothing you can do to help him. You could check this for some clarification on this.

He may not be interested in AA, but I would recommend Alanon as a source of support and information for you. Here's a link to find meetings

By reading/posting on this site and attending Alanon meetings, you'll start to see things more clearly.

Again, welcome, and wishing you some peace and calm today.
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Old 07-23-2013, 11:05 PM
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Here's where you start. In AlAnon. You need the experience, strength, and hope that are in those rooms to help you in this situation.

There is nothing you can do to help him get sober. It is up to him. The A may talk about wanting to be sober, but until he surrenders and actually seeks help it's just talk. He says he has a problem, and wants you to stay with him, but he continues to drink. Why is he against AA or support groups? Most A's are against AA etc because they're not ready to face themselves.

The only person you can help in this situation is you. Read all you can, go to AlAnon, post here. (((hugs)))
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Old 07-24-2013, 04:29 AM
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Hello Steavi, Welcome to SR!

Oh, how I wish I could tell you that there were some magic program, some magic words you could tell him to get him to stop--there aren't. One of our moderators has a saying "If love could cure addiction, none of us would be here" (-Ann).

There are many different recovery programs apart from AA nowadays. SMART, Life-Ring, S.O.S., Rational Recovery, or Individual Therapy with an addiction counselor. Some of these programs offer on-line meetings (no sitting in a group required).

Make yourself at home here! Read all the threads you can--especially the 'stickies' at the top of each forum page. There is so much great information and support here! Welcome, again.
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Old 07-24-2013, 05:44 AM
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Him announcing he has a problem with alcohol and actually doing something about it are two very different things.

Hes already stated AA is not for him or groups so hes kind of already limiting himself or coming up with excuses for why he cant..

I think the suggestion of al-anon for you will be a tremendous help to you. Also read as much as you can here (the stickies at the top) and research alcoholism and addiction, learn as much as you can about it. The more information you have the better you are prepared to make decisions that affect YOUR life.
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