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Im feeling myself getting upset again....

Old 05-06-2002, 11:29 AM
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Post Im feeling myself getting upset again....

ok, im going to vent a little bit here, I'm really getting upset here, MY A, is suppose to be looking for work, He and I wrote down several listings for jobs from the paper last night. I just spoke with him a little bit ago, (hes had all day) I said, have you been to any of those places on that sheet? NO
Have you called any of those places? NO
DOES HE THINK BILLS CAN BE PAID BY MERELY SAYING..OH I AM GOING TO TAKE CARE OF THAT..

I was patient last week, or at least tried to be, and I am getting really pissed off now.

SO after he says No to both of those questions, I said well what is it, (I was trying to be calm) I said, did none of those interest you? He says, No, not really..but its going to be taken care of.

I just wanted to scream at him-WELL WHEN YOUR ASS IS LOCKED UP NEXT MONTH FOR YOUR CHARGES, AND HAVING TO PAY FINES OUT THE YIN -YANG, maybe you will have hoped you found something by then. Also, the fact our gas in cutt off, I am unsure at this point how rent will be paid this week, and he pretty much thinks HE WILL GET A PAYCHECK WATCHING COURT TV EVERY MORNING AT HIS MOTHERS HOUSE. I have never seen more un-motivation in my life.

My patience is wearing thin, damn I just wish I could be strong...I am scared about this other person inside of me that comes out that loves him NO MATTER WHAT. But I dont think I am wrong in being frustrated about the fact that HE SHOULD BE DOING SOMETHING??!!

Ok, I feel a little better-I'm sorry guys,
Love,
bonbon

[This message has been edited by bonbon (edited May 06, 2002).]
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Old 05-06-2002, 11:46 AM
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Ann
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Dear Bonbon

I used to give my son the same lists, only he told me he had called and that he was going to see about the job. The only call he made was to his dealer and the only trip was to see him.

We gotta look after ourselves - they won't change until they change and we never know when that might be.

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Old 05-06-2002, 11:53 AM
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Ok anns, so here is my question? Does he not understand how critical it is he find a job? That I cant afford barely to even make it for me and my daughter where we already live?If he doesn't find a job I need another one in addition too what I have.

We all have to take cold showers due to the gas being off and I'm not understanding why a 31 year old grown man can't put forth a little more effort into providing for his home? and his daughter? I don't understand or actually I guess I do, it is very frustrating.
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Old 05-06-2002, 01:37 PM
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Ann
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Bonbon

I really feel for you and the bad circumstances in your life right now. I have had some tough times in my life, but never what you are going through right now.

He probably does see what is happening, but quite franky, with his addiction active he probably couldn't get or hold a job. I know when my son gets work when he is active, the whole paycheque goes to drugs, before his rent, before anything. He always has good intentions, but when he gets the money - both it and he are gone.

I wish I could offer advice that would make everything better, really I do. You taking another job may be too exhausting for you (it would be for me). Maybe (and I don't know your circumstance) you could find someone to move in with and share expenses, or take someone into your home and share (without your addict being there too or it would just be worse). Or do you have family with whom you could live for a short time until you get back on your feet? Have you contacted social or religious places who may provide affordable housing?

Waiting for him to help you out financially is an unlikely possibility. You can NEVER count on an addict...I say that with love in my heart but it is a reality that we all have to face sooner or later.

Reach out to anyone who can help you find a warm livable place and let your addict find his own way somewhere else. I know that is so hard to do (we love them) but it is about survival for you and your children.

You will see many postings here from people who's addict blew the paycheque, or spent the rent money, or stole from their purses, etc. It is part of the addiction behaviour.

Good Luck and keep us posted. We are all behind you here.

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Old 05-06-2002, 06:02 PM
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I don't have anything extra to offer,

except a hug
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Old 05-07-2002, 03:05 AM
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Bonbon, I am so sorry you are going through this painful situation. I agree with Anns, he can't think clearly and he will not be the one that helps you out of this crisis. I have to remember this myself, as I keep expecting my husband to get "reasonable" and get a better job that pays better.
I also am afraid of the part of myself that loves him no matter what. I am afraid I won't survive because of that. Is it weakness? Or just real love?
Perhaps a trusted friend or minister can help you by listening to the situation and help you sort out possible solutions. SOmetimes it helps me to talk to someone else, it helps me to sort out the next step.
I am praying for you and I am right in there with you. We struggle on, and keep striving, the goal is great and all important. We will surely reach it.
((((((Bonbon))))))
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Old 05-07-2002, 03:48 AM
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HI !
I totally understand where you are coming from. I live with a active A and he could care a less if the bills are paid or not. our gas was turned off and bills are not being paid.We are about to lose our house and he does not care. The house is in his name thank GOD!!!! I realized that I can not let this bother me because it is his fault. He needs to suffer the consequences of his actions. As hard as it may be, try to live as if you are by yourself.
hopefully when he loses everything he will wake up, Who knows??? Take care, GEM
 
Old 05-07-2002, 04:41 AM
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Thanks to all of you for your insightful and heart warming words. It is great to know I am not alone in all of this.

Morning Glory, you were not rambling, it helps to hear or know the thoughts of others struggling with the same troubles. I appreciate all of you.

I am going to try to get some bill issues resolved today, there is no need in putting it off until the last minute. It is priority I do try to take care of things as if I was alone.

He made the comment this morning he was going to find a job today, or he hoped so, he also said that he was not going to his brothers house (which they drink together) because he knew he would not get anything accomplished. I just sat there, and merely said sounds good. I never even brought the subject up last night even, there was no point in it.

Part of me wants the landlords to be knocking on the door, so I can look at him and say WELL??? I don't know, but I know I've got to try to get things straightened out, at least just keeping in mind to do what I have to do to see that my daughter and I are ok.

You guys are wonderful support. I thank you from the bottom of my heart.

Love,
bonbon
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