brightstar43

Hi everyone it's been almost 3 weeks since my break up with ABF. And it feels like s***. I've been off work for 5 weeks with stress and the break up has just added to this. In a way I'm glad I'm out of the relationship. The pain I feel is slightly worse than the pain I felt in the relationship....but at least I know that this pain will eventually lessen. I know I'm grieving but the thing is as I was constantly obsessing about him it's as if I don't know how to just 'BE' without him in my life. Can anyone identify with this.? I think I've lost myself and am trying hard to get that back. My motivation is low most of the time and I go back to my GP tomorrow and will probably reluctantly take an antidepressant to see if it helps during this time in my life. Has it helped anyone here.? I know what I should be doing to look after myself and self care but its such a struggle. My plan would be to do some volunteer work but not sure if I should give myself more time. I know I need to find out what 'I' like again. I believe that giving up this relationship is like breaking an addiction, it feels like withdrawal. Anyone have experience of this? And any tips on how you got through it would be useful.
Thanks for reading x

Florence

Hit the ground running. Start with the meds (THEY HELP) and get yourself out of the house, looking for jobs or putting your time into volunteer work. Consider working for a food pantry or walking rescue dogs or as a tutor at an adult education center.

Get yourself busy and go to bed tired.

xx

nbay2013

Hi BrightStar...I am on day 10 of breakup. And yes, you said it right, "The pain I feel is slightly worse than the pain I felt in the relationship". My Ex-AB has been in AA for over a year, so we had hopes of a reconciliation. That crashed and burned 10 days ago; we were planning to get back together, and as soon as I agreed he went AWOL. Finally he communicated via email that he was "all confused and jumbled". So in a matter of 2 days I went from a high of hope to a low of betrayal. I guess I will never wrap my mind about how he waited until I said yes, and we had sex (after a year) to dump me. It was bizarre even for him. The point of this story is I am staying busy. I tell my friends I can't bear to be alone right now...so there are a lot of movies, exercise is daily, sometimes twice daily. I am an avid photographer, so there is that diversion too. When I pause, I find myself almost gasping from the pain. But I can say, even after only 10 days; I can go 30 minutes sometimes without thinking about him. It indeed is an obsession; in a Stockholm Syndrome kind of way.

thank you for your post. It makes me feel less alone.

Hugs,

Carrie

hisimage48

Hibrightstar

First- good for you. My advice would be to Take this time to take care of yourself. Emotionally and physically. However, that means-- don't think about how much you miss being with him. Especially if being with him meant trying to help and fix.

Years ago when I broke up with a BF I spent ever.single.moment agonizing over the fact we were not together, but more than that I was agonizing over the fact I was ALONE. The alone part freaked me out! I lost a job because I could not perform. It took , well I won't say how long but a long time, before the light bulb went on for me. It was the realization that if we ever did get back together more than likely I would be just as, maybe less, miserable. Why? Because I would be waiting for it to happen again.

I just want to say: I get it, I understand, but don't wait too long. You are made for someone who will love and cherish you without putting you through the pain of addiction.

Be well,

brightstar43

Thanks for replies I not feel so alone now. nbay I've read about Stockholm syndrome that's what it's like. I've got books on how to break your addiction to a person for me the little times when I'm not thinking of him I'm so pleased it gives some relief. I'm trying to divert my attention. Am off work at present hope to be back soon as I'm able. Going to get back into exercising and yoga went to a nia class on sat. Hisimage the alone thing is freaking me! My kids are on hols and this is the first time ever I've had house to myself. Surrounding myself with friends too in fact a friend is coming to stay over tonight. I feel I have to stick with my decision as going back to him has no future. There would be no moving in together, no holidaying together etc and that's what I eventually would like in a relationship. He has huge commitment issues and is unwilling or just unable to face this....as well as a huge drinking problem that he is equally not addressing. Thank you sober recovery this forum has been a life saver for me.