Rose56

Hi all, yesterday I was feeling overwelmed with all the housework that needed to be done. Husband was sleeping in, kids were out with friends and I was cleaning the house. WHen husband got up he started making dinner(turkey) and when he was finished, he said he was going out to ride his motorcycle. That means he is going to the biker bar. Well after my success last week, I blew up. Started screaming and saying so many nasty things. I can be so mean and cruel. He decided not to go out and I apologized to him.
I feel disappointed, what is this behavior that comes out of me so easily? I know it is a result of many hours of frustration and anger. I have to find a way to express or disolve this anger and resentment I feel. This is so unhealthy for me.
Also the kids don't like to be around us, husband when he is drinking and me when I am screaming.
I know there is no easy way to resolve this. Maybe I need more meetings. Thanks for listening.

Morning Glory

Hi Rose,
All I can say is that I know exactly how you feel. Maybe you could come up with a plan of coping methods when these things happen. Instead of reacting to the situation in the "normal" way, you would have a pre-planned action for the next time it happens.

It's not just about ignoring the situation. It is about living your life to the fullest. What wonderful things could you do for yourself the next time he goes out. Maybe you could buy a movie that you've always wanted to see. And have a wonderful dessert in the freezer that you can't touch until you hear the "Red Alert".

Maybe you could order something wonderful and have it shipped to your house and you can't open the box until your husband goes out. Think of all the ways you can get your needs met and your kids needs met without depending on your husband.

It's hard to get up out of depression and do anything for yourself. I struggle with that every day.

Don't be hard on yourself. If I told you about the things that I have done, you'd feel pretty good about yourself and the way you handle things.

HUGS

MG

bonbon

Hey Rose-
Your not alone, you and I were probobaly yelling at the same times this weekend...
I don't know exactly what makes the anger come out, I think it is a strong desire to be HEARD, but what we have to understand is that no matter all the yelling,screaming,the A is not going to hear or understand us.

My A has started this kick about since he got his 2nd DWI a couple weeks ago, if he goes somewhere, and is drinking he just stays there, well he had an all niter this past friday nite, Comes in 7am Saturday morning, WELL... I have a problem with that...He sleeps all day, to get up Saturday night ready to go again, I yelled,argued, then stood in my kitchen and said to myself, its not doing ANY good....he wound up leaving, but was back in less than an hour.

I think sometimes they hear it, but they emoitionally are not on the same level as us.
I can't offer alot here, except that I do it too...and I think alot of it is getting out the frustration. With each time I try to practice keeping my mouth shut, and it IS getting better.

Your not alone at all!

bonbon

Rose56

Thank you for your thoughts. It helps to hear I am not alone. It amazes me sometimes how much it helps. I like your idea MG of making a plan of what I am going to do the next time he wants to go on his "bike ride". I will think about it and come up wiht somehting. Also I plan to ask my kids to take on more responsibility around the house to reduce the pressure. I also decided I not going to worry about walking the dog anymore. The dog is my husband's really and if he is going to neglect the dog, so be it. I am not going to feel guilty because the dog is not getting walked and try to find a way to fit it into my already too busy schedule.
I agree with you Bonbon, that sometimes they do hear us but cannot respond in a useful way. Thanks again, you guys are lifesavers.