LIC

It's taken almost two years since he entered hospital with alcohol induced hepatitis (and I realized extent of drinking) for him to be willing to go - and he's only willing to go now because I decided that I'd file for divorce if he didn't. That said, I'm getting what I've wanted for almost two years, and I'm suddenly scared s***less at the prospect of his being gone (and not being able to explain why he's not at son's bday) ... and, even more so, at prospect that this may not "solve" everything I'm hoping it will solve. Any advice?

Seren

Hello LIC, Welcome!

My stepson has been to inpatient rehab, intensive outpatient, mandated AA meetings...none of it worked until he was really ready to change his behavior.

Rehab is just the beginning of a life-long process: keeping alcoholism in 'remission'.

I'm so glad you found us, but so sorry for the reasons why. This is a wonderful and supportive place! Welcome, again.

LexieCat

Hi, and welcome! I think the best advice I can give is to keep your expectations very low. It's fine to be cautiously hopeful--some people make a full and complete recovery after rehab, but others don't.

I don't know how old his son is, or to whom you think you need to explain his absence. For most people, a simple statement that he is either "out of town for a few weeks" or "dealing with some personal health issues I'd prefer not to discuss" is sufficient. If they have questions, I'd just tell them that it's personal and you don't feel comfortable discussing his personal matters. They can ask him themselves when he gets back.

I suggest you use this time while he is away to get involved in Al-Anon, if you aren't already. It will help a LOT in terms of dealing with an alcoholic in early recovery. And that's what he will be when he gets home. Even if he never picks up another drink, he is likely to be moody and difficult to live with for a while.

LIC

Thanks for responses! Son will turn 4 so concepts of time are tough. I like the line "out of town for a few weeks" but imagine the next questions are where and why ...

dandylion

LIC, perhaps a simple explanation--such as: "Daddy is sick and not feeling good---he went to a hospital where he can rest and get better" Any further questions that he generates can be answered in a very simple, yet direct way.

I have not had to answer a 4yr. old on this, myself. I'm sure that some other poster will come along that have had more experience. I think the main thing is to address his fears and keep as normal of a daily life and routine as you can. He will take direction from you. If you seem calm and secure it will help him. That is why you need outlets and support for your own anxiety and fears.

This is not easy, I know. Having outside support is soo essential to getting through this.

I AM GLAD YOU FOUND US!


dandylion