Is this even domestic violence?
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Join Date: Apr 2013
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Is this even domestic violence?
I feel so silly, I was so upset I just posted this on ***** answers, what was I thinking? I forgot about sober recovery... I don't go online very often and I can't talk to any friends, I'm just so alone right now and worried.... My husband is in jail now and it is because of me. It started innocently enough, doesn't it always? My husband was drunk and upset about something pointless.. I nagged him about his temper and then walked away. He sat in the closet with his head in his hands so I sat down and tried to talk to him, then he began raging out with no warning... yelling/screaming about how everyone would be better off without him, punching things, throwing things, hitting himself, tearing down clothes and then he went for his gun safe. I tried to get in between and and the safe, then in his blind rage his elbow (or some part of an arm) slammed me in the eye. By some~ hopefully~ divine intervention maybe(?) during the process he broke the key-lock to his gun safe (punching and thrashing) and thank god it wouldn't open no matter what. He was punching it more, and yelling, so angry and scaring me... Then I ran downstairs and then he left the house and drove away. I was afraid he was going suicidal so I called 911 and I asked them to find him, for HIS safety... then 5 minutes later he drove back into the driveway, the same time as the police came. They took photos of my swelling black eye and arrested him in handcuffs on domestic violence, despite my insistence that it was his welfare I was concerned with NOT my own. They promised not to tell him it was I who called 911.. I am very afraid of his reaction, for betraying him, I don't know.... I was so scared he was going to kill himself. He is now in jail. They immediately placed a restraining order upon him, so even if he gets out on bail or his own reginizance he cannot be near me until he goes to court. The police said it is out of my hands and it is up to the judge. What happens now? Does this even count as domestic violence? Will he find out I called? I was so frightened for his safety... I feel like an awful wife.
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Something very similar happened to me today - my alcoholic shoved me last night and long story short said he had no choice, I was blocking the door. Told me to do it again and he'd use whatever "reasonable force" necessary to leave, and we'd call the police and see who they thought was right. Today I went to the local station to see if he was correct, if what I did really was wrong. The officer said he had to file a report because I have a bruise on my arm and am experiencing pain from it. He also said it was out of their hands.
In your case, I would say even the throwing things etc. may count as violence depending on your state/county's laws. I'm feeling the same guilt and many al anon friends have told me it's not my fault, my intentions were good. I would say the same to you. You didn't mean to get him arrested - but maybe it's a consequence of his drinking that he needs to experience?
In your case, I would say even the throwing things etc. may count as violence depending on your state/county's laws. I'm feeling the same guilt and many al anon friends have told me it's not my fault, my intentions were good. I would say the same to you. You didn't mean to get him arrested - but maybe it's a consequence of his drinking that he needs to experience?
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Thank you tonight, although it is sad it is comforting to know you understand... They said he should be booked by 1 am, I wonder what happens now? Isn't it strange having the officers look at you and talk to you like a victim and hand you pamphlets with phone numbers? It's probably the exact same way we would talk to ourselves if we met us with bruises, etc...
One of the officers tonight told me a story, the basis of it was because they said they were placing a restraining order on him and he said "I urge you not to let him back in the house until after his court date. even if he gets out in bail. I met a woman last week who's husband bit off both of her nipples and spit them back out at her and then we pulled her over in a car with him a week later!" OMG!! What a horrible story!! Absolutely inexcusable!! but of course in my stupid haze of delerium from this evening I still couldn't help think, hmm I wonder why that happened? Maybe they're into S&M?? Omg so stupid...
Yes, maybe there's a reason, there always is a "reason" for everything, but it doesn't mean it is ok... Hopefully it will knock some sense into both of our men.
One of the officers tonight told me a story, the basis of it was because they said they were placing a restraining order on him and he said "I urge you not to let him back in the house until after his court date. even if he gets out in bail. I met a woman last week who's husband bit off both of her nipples and spit them back out at her and then we pulled her over in a car with him a week later!" OMG!! What a horrible story!! Absolutely inexcusable!! but of course in my stupid haze of delerium from this evening I still couldn't help think, hmm I wonder why that happened? Maybe they're into S&M?? Omg so stupid...
Yes, maybe there's a reason, there always is a "reason" for everything, but it doesn't mean it is ok... Hopefully it will knock some sense into both of our men.
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AI27,
I don't know anything about DV but I can say that I think you did absolutely the right thing calling the cops. He was drunk, raging, and going for the gun safe? I don't see any other option BUT to call the cops.
The cops came, you told them truthfully what happened, and they arrested him. How is that your fault? You have nothing to feel guilty about whatsoever. He is facing the consequences of his drunken behavior right now. He is in jail because of what he did, not what you did. i think you should try to get some rest and let him deal with HIS problem.
Is there any possibility you could get rid of the guns in the house? IMHO, living with an alcoholic who rages and guns, is a recipe for disaster. Aren't you worried about what could have happened had he managed to open the safe?
I'm sorry you had to go through this. I can see why you are worried about him in jail--that is normal--but don't doubt yourself on this one.
I don't know anything about DV but I can say that I think you did absolutely the right thing calling the cops. He was drunk, raging, and going for the gun safe? I don't see any other option BUT to call the cops.
The cops came, you told them truthfully what happened, and they arrested him. How is that your fault? You have nothing to feel guilty about whatsoever. He is facing the consequences of his drunken behavior right now. He is in jail because of what he did, not what you did. i think you should try to get some rest and let him deal with HIS problem.
Is there any possibility you could get rid of the guns in the house? IMHO, living with an alcoholic who rages and guns, is a recipe for disaster. Aren't you worried about what could have happened had he managed to open the safe?
I'm sorry you had to go through this. I can see why you are worried about him in jail--that is normal--but don't doubt yourself on this one.
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Originally Posted by Al27 
.... My husband is in jail now and it is because of me.
Don't either of you feel guilty. You did nothing wrong.
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I completely agree with what's been said so far. He was raginging, going for a gun, scaring you and was out of control. Of course you called the police. Anyone would. Throwing things around, punching things, screaming at you etc is all abusive and violent behaviour happening in your home so IMO I'd say yes, it does fall under the domestic violence category.
I know you feel awful and guilty but this might actually be a "good" thing for him and you. He can't come near you for a while, which gives you both space and especially gives him time to reflect on his behaviour and perhaps how unmanageable his drinking has become? When you do see him maybe consider not acting like he is innocent and it was all a big misunderstanding. Maybe he needs to know that you think his behaviour was out of line too?
I know you feel awful and guilty but this might actually be a "good" thing for him and you. He can't come near you for a while, which gives you both space and especially gives him time to reflect on his behaviour and perhaps how unmanageable his drinking has become? When you do see him maybe consider not acting like he is innocent and it was all a big misunderstanding. Maybe he needs to know that you think his behaviour was out of line too?
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Al,
I have worked in the DV field for many, many years (retired prosecutor, now still working for a nonprofit that deals with violence against women). I have seen hundreds--no, make that thousands--of DV cases. Your story is classic. I've also handled, or dealt with, many DV homicides. Those murder cases? Incidents exactly like yours are somewhere in the history.
This is serious, dangerous, deadly stuff. Suicidality on the part of the offender greatly increases the risk of homicide. I was recently in Fiji working with women's groups tackling the issue there. The week I returned, I learned one of the young women we met with--one of the organizers--was found dead as a result of a murder-suicide.
So you did NOT overreact. And even if there had been no weapons involved, what he did was abuse, and you had every right and responsibility to yourself to call the police. Even drunks are responsible for their own behavior while drunk. It isn't a legal defense, or even a moral defense.
Lest you think I am being hard on him because he is an alcoholic, I am a sober alcoholic myself. Alcoholism does not cause abuse (though it sometimes contributes). Alcoholism and abuse often go hand in hand but alcoholism doesn't CAUSE abusive behavior.
The police officer is absolutely right that you need to tell the truth about what happened. You help neither yourself nor him by lying. You did not betray him in any way. He is in jail because of what HE did, not because of what YOU did. I suggest you avail yourself of any counseling and other services offered, and keep that restraining order in place, at least for now. I'm assuming the police took all the guns out of the house. If you are in the U.S. they are supposed to do that.
Just one other thing. You made reference to your own "stupid haze of delirium tremens"--if you are an alcoholic, I STRONGLY suggest you get help for your own drinking. AA saved my life, and it can help save yours. Living a sober life will help you make good choices for your own well-being.
Please take this time to contact a DV advocate, who help get you whatever assistance will keep you safe.
I have worked in the DV field for many, many years (retired prosecutor, now still working for a nonprofit that deals with violence against women). I have seen hundreds--no, make that thousands--of DV cases. Your story is classic. I've also handled, or dealt with, many DV homicides. Those murder cases? Incidents exactly like yours are somewhere in the history.
This is serious, dangerous, deadly stuff. Suicidality on the part of the offender greatly increases the risk of homicide. I was recently in Fiji working with women's groups tackling the issue there. The week I returned, I learned one of the young women we met with--one of the organizers--was found dead as a result of a murder-suicide.
So you did NOT overreact. And even if there had been no weapons involved, what he did was abuse, and you had every right and responsibility to yourself to call the police. Even drunks are responsible for their own behavior while drunk. It isn't a legal defense, or even a moral defense.
Lest you think I am being hard on him because he is an alcoholic, I am a sober alcoholic myself. Alcoholism does not cause abuse (though it sometimes contributes). Alcoholism and abuse often go hand in hand but alcoholism doesn't CAUSE abusive behavior.
The police officer is absolutely right that you need to tell the truth about what happened. You help neither yourself nor him by lying. You did not betray him in any way. He is in jail because of what HE did, not because of what YOU did. I suggest you avail yourself of any counseling and other services offered, and keep that restraining order in place, at least for now. I'm assuming the police took all the guns out of the house. If you are in the U.S. they are supposed to do that.
Just one other thing. You made reference to your own "stupid haze of delirium tremens"--if you are an alcoholic, I STRONGLY suggest you get help for your own drinking. AA saved my life, and it can help save yours. Living a sober life will help you make good choices for your own well-being.
Please take this time to contact a DV advocate, who help get you whatever assistance will keep you safe.
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Join Date: Dec 2008
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If you haven't read this thread yet, I hope you will. It is very illuminating.
http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...hat-abuse.html
Some information for you to tuck away and use when needed, this thread contains a wealth of information on how to form a plan for leaving an abusive relationship to phone numbers and other DV resources.
http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...out-abuse.html
http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...hat-abuse.html
Some information for you to tuck away and use when needed, this thread contains a wealth of information on how to form a plan for leaving an abusive relationship to phone numbers and other DV resources.
http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...out-abuse.html
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Join Date: Jun 2012
Posts: 1,452
Al27, yes this is abuse. It is abuse of the worst sort. The policeman is right. You need to take every step possible to protect yourself. That it has already escalated to physical violence including hunting for guns to use in a violent drunken rage is especially scary. And you can rationalize that he didn't mean to give you a black eye, but the truth is that he was so out of control that he did give you a black eye.
There is a free on-line questionnaire that assesses how bad domestic violence is, and many police departments, including the police for the US Congress, use to predict how an abuser may act in the future.
Google www.mosaicmethod.com to find it.
My alcoholic husband was very abusive emotionally, and when I ran away from him a year ago, I did not understand that. I thought I was wrong, and that taking care of myself might cause him harm which would then be my fault.
That is backwards thinking. I could not control him and his abuse/drinking/porn addiction, and the more I tried, the more bitter, entangled and dangerous our relationship became. The intensity of his rage was focused on ME, and he felt he was ENTITLED to do or say anything he wanted to me because I provoked him. You can read my story in the thread "What is abuse?" that Hydrogirl gave you the link for.
You are in great danger now. Like me, you are blaming yourself. Like me, you are worried about HIM first, second and last, and not yourself at all. Please understand that your thinking has been severely warped by the emotional and physical abuse you have undergone.
Right now is a dangerous time if he is given bail and let go because he will most likely be enraged, punitive, violent, drunk, and focused on you as the reason for his jailing. Lexiecat is right, and she has many years of experience, this is the most dangerous time of all for you.
Please call a domestic violence center today and get their help and guidance about how to protect yourself right now. For the longer term, there is a great book by Melodie Beattie called Co-dependent No More that helped me start to straighten out my thinking.
A year later, after literally running away in shock and fear when I was called by my credit card Fraud Squad because my alcoholic porn addicted abusive husband charged $1500 on my credit card for internet porn, I am divorced, free, and contented. I am living for myself.
It took the combined efforts of the SR community to bluntly show me how warped my thinking was. I kept rejecting their counsel because it might "hurt" my husband. I was so wrong. Things that I thought would destroy him if I did them to take care of myself, they just rolled off his back like water off a duck. He just lied, evaded all consequences, and continued his alcoholic quacking. What would have been a severe consequence if it happened to me, didn't matter to him at all. I learned that I could not project my fears onto him. He just didn't see the world the same way. His behavior was amoral and he just denied, lied about, twisted everything.
For example, part of his abusive pattern was calling me frigid and telling me to watch porn to "learn how women satisfy men". I thought when I left him so suddenly that he would be embarrassed and mortified. Instead, I later learned that he told our friends that I was frigid, and while I was a good friend, he wanted a "real marriage" and I didn't and that's why I left.
So there is no way you can anticipate or understand how his warped alcoholic thinking will interpret what has happened to him. Nor do you need to.
All you can do is take care of yourself, and I urge you to do so as quickly and completely as you can. Don't trust your on judgment now - I couldn't trust mine, and I hear so many echoes of my own thinking in your posts.
SR is here for you, we're supporting you, and looking to hear how you're doing.
ShootingStar1
There is a free on-line questionnaire that assesses how bad domestic violence is, and many police departments, including the police for the US Congress, use to predict how an abuser may act in the future.
Google www.mosaicmethod.com to find it.
My alcoholic husband was very abusive emotionally, and when I ran away from him a year ago, I did not understand that. I thought I was wrong, and that taking care of myself might cause him harm which would then be my fault.
That is backwards thinking. I could not control him and his abuse/drinking/porn addiction, and the more I tried, the more bitter, entangled and dangerous our relationship became. The intensity of his rage was focused on ME, and he felt he was ENTITLED to do or say anything he wanted to me because I provoked him. You can read my story in the thread "What is abuse?" that Hydrogirl gave you the link for.
You are in great danger now. Like me, you are blaming yourself. Like me, you are worried about HIM first, second and last, and not yourself at all. Please understand that your thinking has been severely warped by the emotional and physical abuse you have undergone.
Right now is a dangerous time if he is given bail and let go because he will most likely be enraged, punitive, violent, drunk, and focused on you as the reason for his jailing. Lexiecat is right, and she has many years of experience, this is the most dangerous time of all for you.
Please call a domestic violence center today and get their help and guidance about how to protect yourself right now. For the longer term, there is a great book by Melodie Beattie called Co-dependent No More that helped me start to straighten out my thinking.
A year later, after literally running away in shock and fear when I was called by my credit card Fraud Squad because my alcoholic porn addicted abusive husband charged $1500 on my credit card for internet porn, I am divorced, free, and contented. I am living for myself.
It took the combined efforts of the SR community to bluntly show me how warped my thinking was. I kept rejecting their counsel because it might "hurt" my husband. I was so wrong. Things that I thought would destroy him if I did them to take care of myself, they just rolled off his back like water off a duck. He just lied, evaded all consequences, and continued his alcoholic quacking. What would have been a severe consequence if it happened to me, didn't matter to him at all. I learned that I could not project my fears onto him. He just didn't see the world the same way. His behavior was amoral and he just denied, lied about, twisted everything.
For example, part of his abusive pattern was calling me frigid and telling me to watch porn to "learn how women satisfy men". I thought when I left him so suddenly that he would be embarrassed and mortified. Instead, I later learned that he told our friends that I was frigid, and while I was a good friend, he wanted a "real marriage" and I didn't and that's why I left.
So there is no way you can anticipate or understand how his warped alcoholic thinking will interpret what has happened to him. Nor do you need to.
All you can do is take care of yourself, and I urge you to do so as quickly and completely as you can. Don't trust your on judgment now - I couldn't trust mine, and I hear so many echoes of my own thinking in your posts.
SR is here for you, we're supporting you, and looking to hear how you're doing.
ShootingStar1
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Apr 2013
Posts: 43
Thank you so much everyone!! I have a lot of things to think about, seriously.. Though still difficult this should be a wake up call!! Especially about the danger... I can barely believe it now~ I just don't know what happens now, it seems so surreal.
PS: lol about mentioning "my own delerium haze" I meant that metaphorically, because of the brainwashing I've done to myself for years, rationalizing the behavior of the alcoholic, enabling, etc... this may be the first time I've ever bailed him out literally though. I may need to put up my wedding band as collateral for the bail, ironic. Maybe I shouldn't even bail him out
not as punishment, but so that I at least know he's somewhere safe and not going to hurt himself.
PS: lol about mentioning "my own delerium haze" I meant that metaphorically, because of the brainwashing I've done to myself for years, rationalizing the behavior of the alcoholic, enabling, etc... this may be the first time I've ever bailed him out literally though. I may need to put up my wedding band as collateral for the bail, ironic. Maybe I shouldn't even bail him out
not as punishment, but so that I at least know he's somewhere safe and not going to hurt himself.
A work in progress
Join Date: Jul 2010
Location: South Jersey
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Do NOT bail him out! If someone else does, that's their issue, but among the other reasons it's a bad idea is the fact that it is enabling behavior. He got himself into this mess. If you bail him out, all you are doing is making sure he knows he has nothing to worry about because YOU will make it "all better". That's what I mean when I say you don't help either one of you if you lie for him, bail him out, cover up for him, pay his fines, take him back.
Before you do ANYTHING else, please talk with a DV advocate. The prosecutor's office will have one, too, and she will be able to explain "what happens next" in terms of the legal process, too.
Before you do ANYTHING else, please talk with a DV advocate. The prosecutor's office will have one, too, and she will be able to explain "what happens next" in terms of the legal process, too.
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Join Date: Jun 2013
Location: San Mateo, Ca
Posts: 52
Originally Posted by LadyinBC
No, he is in jail because of HIM, not because of you. And yes, he is abusing you.
Don't either of you feel guilty. You did nothing wrong.
Don't either of you feel guilty. You did nothing wrong.
As I posted in another thread here, bad behavior is one thing, violent behavior is something entirely different.
I would advise getting as far away as possible, and stay away.
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Join Date: Aug 2011
Location: Pa
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Dear A127,
I vote for don't bail him out. What you went through is domestic abuse/violence. I have a really long story about this. Needless to say, yes, the state had placed a restraining order on my ex, actually I guess on me also. With a restraining order even if it is placed on him, you also cannot contact him.
I bailed my ex out. Went to the bank to withdraw $2000. then had my daughter go in to post the bail. I couldn't. I had a black eye. He was somewhat apologetic on the drive home so that he could collect his belongings to leave, but that only lasted that one day.
He didn't care that he gave me a black eye, he didn't care that he had tormented me for the last 6 months, the only thing he cared about was that the cops had called him a "rapist". Which they did not do. The cops had asked him if he was "trying to get some". That's the short side of the story, if you want the longer version, I'm willing to tell you that also.
He was raging at you, he wanted to get a gun. You feared for your life and his. Then again, maybe you didn't fear for your life. I already went through so much with my ex, I didn't care about my life. So you worried that he might kill himself. Think about this, he couldn't get at the gun, he left the house in a car, if he wanted to kill himself, I am sure that there are plenty of trees and telephone poles that he could have driven into. But yet he didn't, he came back home. Why? I feel that it would be to try to manipulate you and control you.
I am an RA. I know how I thought, and what I thought, even when I was a blackout drunk.
Let him suffer the consequences, let him look how far down he has gone. It may help him, it may not, but at least you will still have your wedding ring to pawn, for when you need to get away from him.
I hope I made sense here it was kind of disjointed. But, if you understand what I said, perhaps ask you self "why". I don't think a "normie" would.
I did research on black eyes. I think it says to keep it cold for the first few days, then rotate hot and cold. Take care of you.
I vote for don't bail him out. What you went through is domestic abuse/violence. I have a really long story about this. Needless to say, yes, the state had placed a restraining order on my ex, actually I guess on me also. With a restraining order even if it is placed on him, you also cannot contact him.
I bailed my ex out. Went to the bank to withdraw $2000. then had my daughter go in to post the bail. I couldn't. I had a black eye. He was somewhat apologetic on the drive home so that he could collect his belongings to leave, but that only lasted that one day.
He didn't care that he gave me a black eye, he didn't care that he had tormented me for the last 6 months, the only thing he cared about was that the cops had called him a "rapist". Which they did not do. The cops had asked him if he was "trying to get some". That's the short side of the story, if you want the longer version, I'm willing to tell you that also.
He was raging at you, he wanted to get a gun. You feared for your life and his. Then again, maybe you didn't fear for your life. I already went through so much with my ex, I didn't care about my life. So you worried that he might kill himself. Think about this, he couldn't get at the gun, he left the house in a car, if he wanted to kill himself, I am sure that there are plenty of trees and telephone poles that he could have driven into. But yet he didn't, he came back home. Why? I feel that it would be to try to manipulate you and control you.
I am an RA. I know how I thought, and what I thought, even when I was a blackout drunk.
Let him suffer the consequences, let him look how far down he has gone. It may help him, it may not, but at least you will still have your wedding ring to pawn, for when you need to get away from him.
I hope I made sense here it was kind of disjointed. But, if you understand what I said, perhaps ask you self "why". I don't think a "normie" would.
I did research on black eyes. I think it says to keep it cold for the first few days, then rotate hot and cold. Take care of you.
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A127---DO NOT BAIL HIM OUT!! Please do exactly what LEXIE said. Your life may depend on this. You are at a very vulnerable time, right now for homicide. I live near a major city--and, there are a couple of news reports per week---suicide/murders due to addiction and domestic violence.
Please call the prosecutors office---like, now.
We are trying to save your life.
In jail is the very safest place for him and you.
dandylion
Please call the prosecutors office---like, now.
We are trying to save your life.
In jail is the very safest place for him and you.
dandylion
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Join Date: Sep 2012
Location: SoCal, California
Posts: 990
DO NOT BAIL HIM OUT.
He is a danger to society - not just you.
A drunken guy going for a gun.
"Oh, but he just wanted to use it on himself."
You never know what an enraged drunk with a gun is going to do. It's impossible to predict.
The cops were right. This is not about you it's about protecting society from this guy.
If you bail him out you will be morally responsible for any harm that comes to others.
Please get to a therapist that is familiar with these kind of situations. Just the fact that you have to ask if this is domestic violence and you're thinking of bailing him out shows you're not really thinking quite right.
Please get the help you need.
He is a danger to society - not just you.
A drunken guy going for a gun.
"Oh, but he just wanted to use it on himself."
You never know what an enraged drunk with a gun is going to do. It's impossible to predict.
The cops were right. This is not about you it's about protecting society from this guy.
If you bail him out you will be morally responsible for any harm that comes to others.
Please get to a therapist that is familiar with these kind of situations. Just the fact that you have to ask if this is domestic violence and you're thinking of bailing him out shows you're not really thinking quite right.
Please get the help you need.
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Join Date: Jul 2013
Posts: 73
Its YOUR fault because he is in jail?? I DONT THINK SO! its HIS fault! You did the right thing. Dont bail him out and dont feel bad or feel like its YOUR fault ,it is NOT. YOU may be in serious danger. Let the law enforcement (cops, judge, etc) handle it now and do as they tell you to. It could mean life and death- YOURS. Please be safe.
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Join Date: Feb 2013
Location: W Washington
Posts: 11,589
despite my insistence that it was his welfare I was concerned with NOT my own.
you SHOULD have been concerned for your own safety!!!! always! it's worrisome that your own sense of self preservation has been squelched.
do NOT bail him out. keep the RO in place. stay away from him. read the pamphlets they gave you, reach out to the resources. this could have had a very tragic end FOR YOU if he had opened the GUN safe.
you SHOULD have been concerned for your own safety!!!! always! it's worrisome that your own sense of self preservation has been squelched.
do NOT bail him out. keep the RO in place. stay away from him. read the pamphlets they gave you, reach out to the resources. this could have had a very tragic end FOR YOU if he had opened the GUN safe.
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Join Date: May 2013
Posts: 73
Lexicat,
In your experience have you seen women start to respond with physical aggression towards the angry, emotionally, verbally,and physically aggressive alcoholic and if so can you share your experience? Just wondering where situations like these as well as others might lead?
In your experience have you seen women start to respond with physical aggression towards the angry, emotionally, verbally,and physically aggressive alcoholic and if so can you share your experience? Just wondering where situations like these as well as others might lead?
A work in progress
Join Date: Jul 2010
Location: South Jersey
Posts: 16,633
We've had cases where abused women do strike back against their abusers (I'm going to take alcoholism out of the equation--it really isn't relevant for these purposes). Some are obvious cases of self-defense. Those shouldn't be prosecuted, period. Others are more in a gray area, where it depends on whether the woman had a reasonable belief in the necessity of force. That's where the so-called "battered women's syndrome" may come into play as a defense. (That term is now pretty widely discredited, in favor of something like "effects of battering.")
We (the group I work with) try to train prosecutors to look at the context in which any acts of violence occurred. Often, even if it doesn't appear that the effect of battering is a defense, it still might mitigate the offense that is charged or the appropriate level of punishment.
Violence to simply "get even" is not legal and can't be condoned. But battering can sometimes affect someone to the point where they aren't acting in a rational way. It's a delicate analysis. Each case is unique.
We (the group I work with) try to train prosecutors to look at the context in which any acts of violence occurred. Often, even if it doesn't appear that the effect of battering is a defense, it still might mitigate the offense that is charged or the appropriate level of punishment.
Violence to simply "get even" is not legal and can't be condoned. But battering can sometimes affect someone to the point where they aren't acting in a rational way. It's a delicate analysis. Each case is unique.
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