Is this even domestic violence?
Member
Join Date: Apr 2010
Location: New York
Posts: 35,731
Why wasn't your Husband arrested for DUI along with DV? He was drinking and driving correct? Just curious.
Please don't bail him out and please don't blame yourself. It was his behavior that lead to this whole situation. Maybe this is his bottom...idk.
Take care of yourself. Sending you a big hug and my best wishes.
Please don't bail him out and please don't blame yourself. It was his behavior that lead to this whole situation. Maybe this is his bottom...idk.
Take care of yourself. Sending you a big hug and my best wishes.
Member
Join Date: Sep 2005
Location: England
Posts: 741
AI27, I'm just wondering who's worrying about you, who's concerned about your safety? It doesn't appear to be you and I'm wondering why?
What you described sounds like a really serious situation that could have ended up with you being shot...yet all your concern seems to be for him.
I would not bail him out either. It's not your responsibility to keep him safe, he's a grown man, that's his responsibility. You enabling him to avoid the consequences of his own behaviour isn't helping you or him, it's probably making things worse. Where is his bottom, where is yours?
xxx
What you described sounds like a really serious situation that could have ended up with you being shot...yet all your concern seems to be for him.
I would not bail him out either. It's not your responsibility to keep him safe, he's a grown man, that's his responsibility. You enabling him to avoid the consequences of his own behaviour isn't helping you or him, it's probably making things worse. Where is his bottom, where is yours?
xxx
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Apr 2013
Posts: 43
I wish there was a "thank all" button 
you guys are amazing!
A quick update: the husband is receiving serious psychiatric treatment weekly and medication, anger management classes and AA. He's stable, newly sober and dealing with the ramifications ~ the DA basically put him on probation for a year and is leaving the case open so she can file charges at any time if he doesn't stay in treatment. It is beginning to look like he's severely Bi-polar, rapid cycling, but it will take more evaluations. I've suspected as much for years. I still don't know what the future holds, but one day at a time.
I quit smoking last week ... Bought a really nice v2 e-cig (I've been smoking 20 years now) figured it was time for some serious changes! I also have been drinking absolutely no alcohol whatsoever, which I never realized would actually be somewhat difficult! With no cigarettes or anything it feels kinda weird just being in my own skin but I'm feeling positive about the changes. My husband goes out of town for work a lot so I've had 3 days alone with the kids to reflect and really envision the future and what needs to happen....
you guys are amazing! A quick update: the husband is receiving serious psychiatric treatment weekly and medication, anger management classes and AA. He's stable, newly sober and dealing with the ramifications ~ the DA basically put him on probation for a year and is leaving the case open so she can file charges at any time if he doesn't stay in treatment. It is beginning to look like he's severely Bi-polar, rapid cycling, but it will take more evaluations. I've suspected as much for years. I still don't know what the future holds, but one day at a time.
I quit smoking last week ... Bought a really nice v2 e-cig (I've been smoking 20 years now) figured it was time for some serious changes! I also have been drinking absolutely no alcohol whatsoever, which I never realized would actually be somewhat difficult! With no cigarettes or anything it feels kinda weird just being in my own skin but I'm feeling positive about the changes. My husband goes out of town for work a lot so I've had 3 days alone with the kids to reflect and really envision the future and what needs to happen....
Member
Join Date: Aug 2011
Location: Pa
Posts: 4,872
Al27, I am so happy that he is getting the help that he needs. I just want you to make sure that you take care of yourself during this time.
With bi-polar there can be many medication adjustments, the docs don't know how the cocktail will work, they may have to change it several times.
If he "goes off the wall" again, no matter what, call 911. If you don't, because you think that it might affect his job, or for whatever reason, just know that you would also be doing it for his own mental health, and your physical safety.
Guess what I am saying is don't expect miracles. Be prepared. After what had happened that night, just know that it can happen again. People who have bi-polar tend to not take their meds, and lie about it. Also know that meds for bi-polar take a while to "kick in".
I don't want to alarm you, I'm sure you have researched this.
((((((((((((hugs)))))))))))))
With bi-polar there can be many medication adjustments, the docs don't know how the cocktail will work, they may have to change it several times.
If he "goes off the wall" again, no matter what, call 911. If you don't, because you think that it might affect his job, or for whatever reason, just know that you would also be doing it for his own mental health, and your physical safety.
Guess what I am saying is don't expect miracles. Be prepared. After what had happened that night, just know that it can happen again. People who have bi-polar tend to not take their meds, and lie about it. Also know that meds for bi-polar take a while to "kick in".
I don't want to alarm you, I'm sure you have researched this.
((((((((((((hugs)))))))))))))
A work in progress
Join Date: Jul 2010
Location: South Jersey
Posts: 16,633
Glad to hear the good report--and also glad to hear that the ADA is being serious about following up on him to make sure he does what he is supposed to do.
I second what amy said, too, about not hesitating to call for help if he "goes off" again. The police are there to protect you, so let them do their job.
Hugs, and hope everything continues to go well (oh, and good job on quitting smoking!).
I second what amy said, too, about not hesitating to call for help if he "goes off" again. The police are there to protect you, so let them do their job.
Hugs, and hope everything continues to go well (oh, and good job on quitting smoking!).
box of chocolates
Join Date: Sep 2012
Location: Texas
Posts: 1,013
1. Afraid of retaliation for calling police in a situation that warranted it
2. Violence regardless of the "intended" victim
3. Behaving in a manner that is both dangerous and irrational
4. Behaving in a manner that is irrational involving a weapon
5. Emotional abusiveness involving throwing breaking or hitting things
6. Physical assault caused by irrational behavior.
Yes that sounds like domestic violence to me
I want to point out that a LARGE number or abusers threaten suicide.
He was acting violent and abusive towards you and you retained an injury because of it.
He obviously was a danger to himself and others. You did the right thing...I know that must have been hard to do but it was a wise decision.
2. Violence regardless of the "intended" victim
3. Behaving in a manner that is both dangerous and irrational
4. Behaving in a manner that is irrational involving a weapon
5. Emotional abusiveness involving throwing breaking or hitting things
6. Physical assault caused by irrational behavior.
Yes that sounds like domestic violence to me
I want to point out that a LARGE number or abusers threaten suicide.
He was acting violent and abusive towards you and you retained an injury because of it.
He obviously was a danger to himself and others. You did the right thing...I know that must have been hard to do but it was a wise decision.
box of chocolates
Join Date: Sep 2012
Location: Texas
Posts: 1,013
Originally Posted by Al27 
I wish there was a "thank all" button you guys are amazing!
A quick update: the husband is receiving serious psychiatric treatment weekly and medication, anger management classes and AA. He's stable, newly sober and dealing with the ramifications ~ the DA basically put him on probation for a year and is leaving the case open so she can file charges at any time if he doesn't stay in treatment. It is beginning to look like he's severely Bi-polar, rapid cycling, but it will take more evaluations. I've suspected as much for years. I still don't know what the future holds, but one day at a time.
I quit smoking last week ... Bought a really nice v2 e-cig (I've been smoking 20 years now) figured it was time for some serious changes! I also have been drinking absolutely no alcohol whatsoever, which I never realized would actually be somewhat difficult! With no cigarettes or anything it feels kinda weird just being in my own skin but I'm feeling positive about the changes. My husband goes out of town for work a lot so I've had 3 days alone with the kids to reflect and really envision the future and what needs to happen....
you guys are amazing! A quick update: the husband is receiving serious psychiatric treatment weekly and medication, anger management classes and AA. He's stable, newly sober and dealing with the ramifications ~ the DA basically put him on probation for a year and is leaving the case open so she can file charges at any time if he doesn't stay in treatment. It is beginning to look like he's severely Bi-polar, rapid cycling, but it will take more evaluations. I've suspected as much for years. I still don't know what the future holds, but one day at a time.
I quit smoking last week ... Bought a really nice v2 e-cig (I've been smoking 20 years now) figured it was time for some serious changes! I also have been drinking absolutely no alcohol whatsoever, which I never realized would actually be somewhat difficult! With no cigarettes or anything it feels kinda weird just being in my own skin but I'm feeling positive about the changes. My husband goes out of town for work a lot so I've had 3 days alone with the kids to reflect and really envision the future and what needs to happen....
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