Tuffgirl

Again, good for you for removing this unreliable jerk from your life. From what you describe above, it sounds as if you identified this last year, and like the tumors you are dealing with, eradicated this one from your life, too.

Again, I understand the "WHY??!!!" feeling very well. Bottom line - he's an a$$clown and an addict. It is what they do. It isn't fair, nice, considerate, or respectful. As a matter of fact, its downright indecent treatment of another human being, as far as I am concerned.

Said with lots of compassion...maybe, your feelings today are really more about the loss of the dream of a loving, caring, compassionate partner who will stand by you in your time of need? That is an emotion that you don't need to act on. Just feel it, let yourself cry a bit, know it wasn't anything you had any control over and you did the best you could with what you had to work with, and then let that emotion go.

Trying to understand keeps you stuck in it. Keeps you attached to the emotions surrounding it all. Feeling them and allowing them to pass is the only way to truly let go and get your own closure.

Prayers for a better day tomorrow,
~T

Taking5

I have said this before. Functioning is not a type of alcoholism, it is a stage of alcoholism.

Beyond that, there were a ton of great posts on this thread.

thequest

Thank You. Too many hear the words 'functioning' and feel it's not affecting them or friends. Every "functional" alcoholic I knew crashed hard. It did affect their job and family. And they had enablers that didn't turn them in at work at especially by covering and lying for them. It's one thing not to say so and so has an alcohol problem but it is another to lie when they are late etc.

Hammer

Flicka,

Since this thread is still going, maybe look at some of this to understand what you have been through >>>

How a Borderline Personality Disorder Love Relationship Evolves - Roger Melton, M.A.

And maybe look at some of the other articles and forum posts on that site, too.

Your experience and aftermath is common. It is Very Confusing to NONs (The non-Borderline partner of a Borderline Personality Disorder).

All the lies and backstabbing is part of what is commonly called "painting black."

And Yeah, Borderline and other Personality Disorder level Mental Illness tends to track along with Alcoholism and other Addictions.

Sorry. Living it myself.

Be glad you are out.