Alcoholic or A-hole? And does it even matter?
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Join Date: Feb 2013
Location: England, UK
Posts: 257
Alcoholic or A-hole? And does it even matter?
I have referred to my boyfriend on here as ABF, but I’m still not entirely sure whether he is actually an alcoholic or not. He drinks frequently, an unusual week would be only one night a week, this week he has been out drinking the last 5 nights in a row, which is towards the high end of his range. I expect he probably won’t drink tonight, but will possibly drink tomorrow and will definitely drink on Saturday. He goes out to drink, he doesn’t tend to drink at home, so that leaves me alone a lot of the time, although I’m less lonely than I used to be.
He drinks a lot, but volume is not enough to make someone an alcoholic right? Things that make me think that he might be an alcoholic are:
1) He drinks despite negative consequences – it negatively affects our relationship, it destroyed our finances, it has got him a reputation at work, he has gained a great deal of weight (which makes him feel bad about himself).
2) He does things he doesn’t remember while drunk and things that he wouldn’t do sober
3) The amount and frequency of his drinking have been increasing
4) He has told me several times that he wanted to drink less, but has not managed to
5) He doesn’t see any problem with his drinking
6) He comes from an alcoholic background
7) He has referred to himself as ‘possibly being alcoholic in the past’, but doesn’t think he is now, or if he is now doesn’t think it is an issue
8) He never wants to leave a drinking hole before closing time and will order several drinks at last orders to get in as much alcohol as possible
9) He’s told me he can’t imagine his life without alcohol
10) He seems to attract other heavy drinkers as friends and is disdainful of people who don’t drink like he does (including me)
11) Seems to make a lot of those ‘quacking’ noises I hear about!
Reasons why I think he might not be an alcoholic:
1) He can stop after a few drinks if he wants to. For example at the weekend we went out for a meal. He had 2 cocktails, a beer and a spirit and mixer – a very light night for him. After we left the restaurant he wanted to go on to a pub, I said I didn’t want to and so we went home, no more drinking and very little objection on BF’s part. I thought that was something alcoholics were supposed to have a problem with?
2) Sometimes we can go to a pub and he will order a soft drinks
3) Hmm not sure there is a number 3. This list is quite a bit shorter than that first one!
Ergh thats a horrible list when you see it written out like that! So from all that I think he might be an alcoholic, although obviously he doesn’t. If he’s not an alcoholic the only other option is that he’s a selfish A-hole, since it seems he can stop if he wants, he just doesn’t want. Now in my warped little head I think I’d actually prefer him to be an alcoholic because then there would be a reason behind what he does, a compulsion and the opportunity of help if he wants it. There are no rehabs for just being an A-hole!
That’s why I ask if it even matters if he is because I feel like I’d have different opinions on his behaviour depending on what the cause of it was. I actually feel I could have more compassion if he was an alcoholic because everything hasn’t been intentional, its been a fall out of a disease. If he’s a selfish A-hole he knows damn well what he’s doing. Either way I know I have to protect myself from his actions a lot better than I was doing. I guess I’m looking to try to understand what’s going on, its only fairly recently that I’ve actually started facing the idea that he might be an alcoholic, seeing all the implications of that and feeling the sadness that I’ve perpetuated the cycle of alcoholism in my family despite thinking I knew better.
It just doesn't seem like the stereotypical image you have of what makes someone an alcoholic – he’s just going out and having fun with his friends, right? That’s what people do. What’s my problem with that?
What did it take you to realise that your loved one was actually an alcoholic and wasn’t just drinking because it was something they liked to do? How did you know if they really were an alcoholic and did that realisation make any difference to how you felt about them/the situation?
He drinks a lot, but volume is not enough to make someone an alcoholic right? Things that make me think that he might be an alcoholic are:
1) He drinks despite negative consequences – it negatively affects our relationship, it destroyed our finances, it has got him a reputation at work, he has gained a great deal of weight (which makes him feel bad about himself).
2) He does things he doesn’t remember while drunk and things that he wouldn’t do sober
3) The amount and frequency of his drinking have been increasing
4) He has told me several times that he wanted to drink less, but has not managed to
5) He doesn’t see any problem with his drinking
6) He comes from an alcoholic background
7) He has referred to himself as ‘possibly being alcoholic in the past’, but doesn’t think he is now, or if he is now doesn’t think it is an issue
8) He never wants to leave a drinking hole before closing time and will order several drinks at last orders to get in as much alcohol as possible
9) He’s told me he can’t imagine his life without alcohol
10) He seems to attract other heavy drinkers as friends and is disdainful of people who don’t drink like he does (including me)
11) Seems to make a lot of those ‘quacking’ noises I hear about!
Reasons why I think he might not be an alcoholic:
1) He can stop after a few drinks if he wants to. For example at the weekend we went out for a meal. He had 2 cocktails, a beer and a spirit and mixer – a very light night for him. After we left the restaurant he wanted to go on to a pub, I said I didn’t want to and so we went home, no more drinking and very little objection on BF’s part. I thought that was something alcoholics were supposed to have a problem with?
2) Sometimes we can go to a pub and he will order a soft drinks
3) Hmm not sure there is a number 3. This list is quite a bit shorter than that first one!
Ergh thats a horrible list when you see it written out like that! So from all that I think he might be an alcoholic, although obviously he doesn’t. If he’s not an alcoholic the only other option is that he’s a selfish A-hole, since it seems he can stop if he wants, he just doesn’t want. Now in my warped little head I think I’d actually prefer him to be an alcoholic because then there would be a reason behind what he does, a compulsion and the opportunity of help if he wants it. There are no rehabs for just being an A-hole!
That’s why I ask if it even matters if he is because I feel like I’d have different opinions on his behaviour depending on what the cause of it was. I actually feel I could have more compassion if he was an alcoholic because everything hasn’t been intentional, its been a fall out of a disease. If he’s a selfish A-hole he knows damn well what he’s doing. Either way I know I have to protect myself from his actions a lot better than I was doing. I guess I’m looking to try to understand what’s going on, its only fairly recently that I’ve actually started facing the idea that he might be an alcoholic, seeing all the implications of that and feeling the sadness that I’ve perpetuated the cycle of alcoholism in my family despite thinking I knew better.
It just doesn't seem like the stereotypical image you have of what makes someone an alcoholic – he’s just going out and having fun with his friends, right? That’s what people do. What’s my problem with that?
What did it take you to realise that your loved one was actually an alcoholic and wasn’t just drinking because it was something they liked to do? How did you know if they really were an alcoholic and did that realisation make any difference to how you felt about them/the situation?
Engineer Things; LOVE People
Join Date: Sep 2009
Posts: 3,707
Some days it is all just about the same thing.
Most of the A titles fit from the First Step and then Forward March for us.
Let me show you how that works?
Step 1: We admitted we were powerless over a_______ ~ that our lives had become unmanageable.
the a_______ can be:
Alcohol
Alcoholics
Addiction
Addictions
Addicts
Anorexia (yeah, really. Applied to our household, and what she went to rehab for)
and you -- and I -- have frequently observed, A-Hole.
No doubt many other A's can be on that list.
And we know what an A-Hole is and does, right? They are full of crap, and think we are their personal toilet.
Whether there is a rehab for any or all of that? Dunno, and Don't Care.
There IS a program for *us* Those who matter in this domain.
We work on *US* and we get better. LOTS Better.
Starts with Step 1, and off we go.
Most of the A titles fit from the First Step and then Forward March for us.
Let me show you how that works?
Step 1: We admitted we were powerless over a_______ ~ that our lives had become unmanageable.
the a_______ can be:
Alcohol
Alcoholics
Addiction
Addictions
Addicts
Anorexia (yeah, really. Applied to our household, and what she went to rehab for)
and you -- and I -- have frequently observed, A-Hole.
No doubt many other A's can be on that list.
And we know what an A-Hole is and does, right? They are full of crap, and think we are their personal toilet.
Whether there is a rehab for any or all of that? Dunno, and Don't Care.
There IS a program for *us* Those who matter in this domain.
We work on *US* and we get better. LOTS Better.
Starts with Step 1, and off we go.
Member
Join Date: Jan 2012
Location: FL
Posts: 76
Originally Posted by Wavy 
It just doesn't seem like the stereotypical image you have of what makes someone an alcoholic – he’s just going out and having fun with his friends, right? That’s what people do. What’s my problem with that?
What did it take you to realise that your loved one was actually an alcoholic and wasn’t just drinking because it was something they liked to do? How did you know if they really were an alcoholic and did that realisation make any difference to how you felt about them/the situation?
What did it take you to realise that your loved one was actually an alcoholic and wasn’t just drinking because it was something they liked to do? How did you know if they really were an alcoholic and did that realisation make any difference to how you felt about them/the situation?
My husband was a fun drunk. Everyone wanted to go drinking with him and he always wanted to go out drinking. It was fun! And he had a job, so it wasn't like he was an alcoholic...Except the drinking was causing issues in our relationship. And it was causing issues with him that he was hiding - health issues, work issues, etc.
It didn't matter if he or I thought he was an actual alcoholic at the time, the alcohol was a problem. And the alcohol could be a problem whether he was an alcoholic or not.
Luckily, he's in recovery again and it seems to be curing the A-hole problem too.
Member
Join Date: Mar 2013
Location: Midwest
Posts: 11,481
Originally Posted by Wavy
It just doesn't seem like the stereotypical image you have of what makes someone an alcoholic – he’s just going out and having fun with his friends, right? That’s what people do. What’s my problem with that?
What did it take you to realise that your loved one was actually an alcoholic and wasn’t just drinking because it was something they liked to do? How did you know if they really were an alcoholic and did that realisation make any difference to how you felt about them/the situation?
What did it take you to realise that your loved one was actually an alcoholic and wasn’t just drinking because it was something they liked to do? How did you know if they really were an alcoholic and did that realisation make any difference to how you felt about them/the situation?
It would likely be helpful for you to do as Hammer suggested. Put the focus on YOU and what you want, where and who you want to be, and once you've done that, really seriously done that for a while, I think you'll start to see some answers coming to you.
I would also strongly recommend Alanon--it sounds to me like he has you pretty much thoroughly BS'd, and the Alanon folks will be very helpful in readjusting your view of reality back to what IS actually reality.
Wishing you peace and clarity.
Member
Join Date: Jan 2006
Location: behind the viewfinder...
Posts: 6,278
Originally Posted by Wavy
That’s why I ask if it even matters if he is because I feel like I’d have different opinions on his behaviour depending on what the cause of it was. I actually feel I could have more compassion if he was an alcoholic because everything hasn’t been intentional, its been a fall out of a disease. If he’s a selfish A-hole he knows damn well what he’s doing.
I once wrote an analogy involving cowboy boots.
Instead of retyping it here, I'll just point you to the thread. Many others wrote helpful stuff in that thread, too. http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...not-booze.htmlL
Member
Join Date: Jun 2011
Posts: 2,163
What are you getting out of the relationship?
That is the important question.
You are finding his behavior/choices/actions questionable. Only you can decide for yourself what is an acceptable standard of living.
Personally, I knew the guy I was dating was a drinker.
What I did not know were the facts of this disease.
Over period of 5 years, I had a front row seat.
20 years of drinking was catching up with him, and his disease progressed to a level that I could no longer accept.
I did not want to spend my days with someone who's mind was altered by a drug. I missed having a REAL adult conversation. There is something so attractive about an intelligent, SOBER mind. There was nothing attractive about him when he lost control of his mind and body.
It felt like I was walking behind a baby who was learning to walk. Always there to catch him as he was falling. Always there to cushion his unacceptable ways.
That was not my definition of a relationship.
I would keep asking myself, What am I getting out of this situation? Only you can decide, my friend.
That is the important question.
You are finding his behavior/choices/actions questionable. Only you can decide for yourself what is an acceptable standard of living.
Personally, I knew the guy I was dating was a drinker.
What I did not know were the facts of this disease.
Over period of 5 years, I had a front row seat.
20 years of drinking was catching up with him, and his disease progressed to a level that I could no longer accept.
I did not want to spend my days with someone who's mind was altered by a drug. I missed having a REAL adult conversation. There is something so attractive about an intelligent, SOBER mind. There was nothing attractive about him when he lost control of his mind and body.
It felt like I was walking behind a baby who was learning to walk. Always there to catch him as he was falling. Always there to cushion his unacceptable ways.
That was not my definition of a relationship.
I would keep asking myself, What am I getting out of this situation? Only you can decide, my friend.
Member
Join Date: Aug 2012
Location: Chicago
Posts: 5,450
I have to say I am solidly in the camp of "It does not matter." He is who he is and labeling it doesn't change anything. Getting hung up on a label serves no purpose but to keep us stuck. If only we could DEFINE it, we could CONQUER it! Sadly, this doesn't play out in real life.
Everyday we have to ask ourselves if we can accept the people in our lives as they are right now, and assume they are not going to change. If the answer is no, it is US who must make changes, not them.
Everyday we have to ask ourselves if we can accept the people in our lives as they are right now, and assume they are not going to change. If the answer is no, it is US who must make changes, not them.
Member
Join Date: Jun 2010
Posts: 1,388
Originally Posted by Wavy
That’s why I ask if it even matters if he is because I feel like I’d have different opinions on his behaviour depending on what the cause of it was. I actually feel I could have more compassion if he was an alcoholic because everything hasn’t been intentional, its been a fall out of a disease. If he’s a selfish A-hole he knows damn well what he’s doing.
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Join Date: Oct 2006
Location: right here, right now
Posts: 6,516
Whether he is an alcoholic or an a-hole doesn't matter. What matters is how you feel in the relationship.
Someone here asked me years ago: "If nothing ever changed; if this was as good as your relationship would ever get - would you want that for yourself? For the rest of your life?" Because that's what you need to wake up and look at. Not what you think or dream he could become. Not what he once was. What if this is the BEST your relationship will ever be (with untreated alcoholism or a-holeness, that's realistic)???
Someone here asked me years ago: "If nothing ever changed; if this was as good as your relationship would ever get - would you want that for yourself? For the rest of your life?" Because that's what you need to wake up and look at. Not what you think or dream he could become. Not what he once was. What if this is the BEST your relationship will ever be (with untreated alcoholism or a-holeness, that's realistic)???
A work in progress
Join Date: Jul 2010
Location: South Jersey
Posts: 16,633
No reason you can't have compassion for him (whatever his "problem" is)--usually people who are garden-variety A-holes are also deeply unhappy people. But compassion doesn't mean you have to live with it. YOU can decide how you want YOUR life to look. And if that doesn't include a relationship with someone who acts like an A-hole (whatever the etiology of the A-hole-ness), then you don't need the relationship. Period.
You can, with a good conscience, wish him a happy life and move on to the life you WANT for yourself.
You can, with a good conscience, wish him a happy life and move on to the life you WANT for yourself.
Member
Join Date: Feb 2013
Location: W Washington
Posts: 11,589
what does it say when we have two potential classifications for our chosen partner, one being ALCOHOLIC and the other @SSHOLE?
are YOU happy? are you happy WITH HIM? do you look forward to time together? enjoy each other's company? perfectly content just to hang out together? if absolutely nothing else about him changed, if how he is TODAY is how would he always be, is that good enough? is HE good enough? AS IS?
that is what matters.
IMHO.
are YOU happy? are you happy WITH HIM? do you look forward to time together? enjoy each other's company? perfectly content just to hang out together? if absolutely nothing else about him changed, if how he is TODAY is how would he always be, is that good enough? is HE good enough? AS IS?
that is what matters.
IMHO.
Member
Join Date: Apr 2013
Posts: 47
Originally Posted by Wavy
seeing all the implications of that and feeling the sadness that I’ve perpetuated the cycle of alcoholism in my family despite thinking I knew better.
This statement really jumped out at me because I used to think I knew better too. That I would never find myself where I am now. Truth is, I have been where I am now for a long time, but I kept thinking I can't be because I "know better". That has played into my denial.
I agree very much with the other posts here. It doesn't matter what diagnosis is applied--you can't fix him either way. You can only work on yourself.
Member
Join Date: May 2012
Location: Florida
Posts: 6,780
Originally Posted by Wavy
It just doesn't seem like the stereotypical image you have of what makes someone an alcoholic – he’s just going out and having fun with his friends, right? That’s what people do. What’s my problem with that?
I agree with the masses - the label doesn't matter so much as whether you are happy and find his behavior acceptable.
1) He can stop after a few drinks if he wants to. For example at the weekend we went out for a meal. He had 2 cocktails, a beer and a spirit and mixer – a very light night for him. After we left the restaurant he wanted to go on to a pub, I said I didn’t want to and so we went home, no more drinking and very little objection on BF’s part. I thought that was something alcoholics were supposed to have a problem with?
2) Sometimes we can go to a pub and he will order a soft drinks
3) Hmm not sure there is a number 3. This list is quite a bit shorter than that first one!
2) Sometimes we can go to a pub and he will order a soft drinks
3) Hmm not sure there is a number 3. This list is quite a bit shorter than that first one!
#2 - My A often ordered soft drinks & water as well - but then balanced it with more drinking at home later (or earlier) that day or the next or the next.... remember it's not only/always about measurable things like how many drinks taken, how many days drinking in a row, etc. It's the overall picture that you have to look at sometimes, not JUST what's happening that day/moment.
JMHO!
Member
Join Date: Mar 2013
Location: Midwest
Posts: 11,481
Originally Posted by FireSprite
#2 - My A often ordered soft drinks & water as well - but then balanced it with more drinking at home later (or earlier) that day or the next or the next.... remember it's not only/always about measurable things like how many drinks taken, how many days drinking in a row, etc. It's the overall picture that you have to look at sometimes, not JUST what's happening that day/moment.
Makes me want to slap both myself (for being so gullible) and him (for taking advantage of that) in the head, when I think about it....
So yes, Firesprite makes some good points here.
Member
Join Date: Dec 2010
Location: Midwest, USA
Posts: 2,899
With my AH, I learned that things were not always what they seemed. A light night was tempered with drinks on the side, behind my back, or in the bathroom. Maybe a drink poured at home with a very heavy hand. A trip to the store for envelopes was actually a trip to the liquor store AND the drug store for envelopes.
He said up, it was actually down. He said black, it was actually white. I said, okay, down, up, black, white, whatever, and looked the other way.
When it became reckoning time I fretted over whether or not it was "fair" to call him an alcoholic. 1) Yes, he was an alcoholic, but 2) How unhappy did I need to be to address the problem with him? What was I afraid of? Could I save him, or the relationship, or me?
I saved me.
He said up, it was actually down. He said black, it was actually white. I said, okay, down, up, black, white, whatever, and looked the other way.
When it became reckoning time I fretted over whether or not it was "fair" to call him an alcoholic. 1) Yes, he was an alcoholic, but 2) How unhappy did I need to be to address the problem with him? What was I afraid of? Could I save him, or the relationship, or me?
I saved me.
Member
Join Date: May 2013
Posts: 1,218
Originally Posted by Hammer
Some days it is all just about the same thing.
Most of the A titles fit from the First Step and then Forward March for us.
Let me show you how that works?
Step 1: We admitted we were powerless over a_______ ~ that our lives had become unmanageable.
the a_______ can be:
Alcohol
Alcoholics
Addiction
Addictions
Addicts
Anorexia (yeah, really. Applied to our household, and what she went to rehab for)
and you -- and I -- have frequently observed, A-Hole.
No doubt many other A's can be on that list.
And we know what an A-Hole is and does, right? They are full of crap, and think we are their personal toilet.
Whether there is a rehab for any or all of that? Dunno, and Don't Care.
There IS a program for *us* Those who matter in this domain.
We work on *US* and we get better. LOTS Better.
Starts with Step 1, and off we go.
Most of the A titles fit from the First Step and then Forward March for us.
Let me show you how that works?
Step 1: We admitted we were powerless over a_______ ~ that our lives had become unmanageable.
the a_______ can be:
Alcohol
Alcoholics
Addiction
Addictions
Addicts
Anorexia (yeah, really. Applied to our household, and what she went to rehab for)
and you -- and I -- have frequently observed, A-Hole.
No doubt many other A's can be on that list.
And we know what an A-Hole is and does, right? They are full of crap, and think we are their personal toilet.
Whether there is a rehab for any or all of that? Dunno, and Don't Care.
There IS a program for *us* Those who matter in this domain.
We work on *US* and we get better. LOTS Better.
Starts with Step 1, and off we go.
Member
Join Date: Jul 2013
Posts: 109
I agree with a lot of what others have been posting. I was only around my XABF for about a month while he started drinking again, and I also found myself wondering if he really was an alcoholic, or if I was making a big deal out of nothing and being too sensitive. Besides, he always denied having a problem, and he wasn't "as bad" as most of his friends according to him.
But really, when you take a step back, ask yourself if things honestly seem 'normal' or healthy. If they were, do you think alcohol should be playing any role in your relationship? That's the way I began to think of it after several weeks of being confused, hurt, and questioning my own instincts because of his drinking. For me, a happy, healthy relationship has about 0% impact by alcohol...And if it's become an issue, that means it's for sure a problem, no matter if he's a diagnosed alcoholic or not.
But really, when you take a step back, ask yourself if things honestly seem 'normal' or healthy. If they were, do you think alcohol should be playing any role in your relationship? That's the way I began to think of it after several weeks of being confused, hurt, and questioning my own instincts because of his drinking. For me, a happy, healthy relationship has about 0% impact by alcohol...And if it's become an issue, that means it's for sure a problem, no matter if he's a diagnosed alcoholic or not.
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Feb 2013
Location: England, UK
Posts: 257
Thank you all for your replies they have given me a lot to think about. I do know that regardless of the cause of his behaviour I need to take whatever steps are necessary protect myself, which is something I couldn't fathom in the past. This sin't about trying to control him, I feel I understand step one, I know he will do whatever he will regardless of my actions. I would have been a mess if he's been out drinking 5 nights in a row in the past. Now I can say I'm actually OK, regardless of what he's doing.
I am still trying to work out how I feel about him. My actions to protect myself can happen how ever I feel about him, but how I feel about him depends on his motivations. It does matter to me.
For example, I am dyspraxic. That means that my coordination is all over the place and sometimes my limbs just decide to so something other than I want them to. I regularly fall flat on my face for no apparent reason or walk into door frames that have been in the same place longer than I've been alive. I if broke your most precious vase because all of a sudden I couldn't control my limbs I would hope you would have a different attitude to me than if I was randomly flailing my arms around in a careless manner for the fun of it. In either case you might ask that I stay a good distance away from your other fragile things, but in one case you could understand that I had no control and no ill-will over what happened and the other you could rightly think I was being an thoughtless idiot. That is the difference to me whether he is an alcoholic or not. One he cannot control and I can try to separate the behaviour from the person, the other is the behaviour reflecting who the person is. And when I'm trying to work out how my feelings relate to this man that seems an important distinction.
I may well end up leaving because no I am not happy right now, but I am not ready right now to make that decision and I'm still trying to work out how I feel. So rather than it being an issue of what should I do, it is an issue of how do I feel.
ETA: With regards to him being a 'typical' alcoholic. I'm grateful for people sharing their experiences of their alcoholics. I guess for me he doesn't in any way resemble the alcoholism of my Mum and her XABF. or my best friend growing up's Mum. Those people were my direct experiences of alcoholism and he is not like that, so I guess that's where my preconceptions of what an alcoholic 'should' look like comes from.
I am still trying to work out how I feel about him. My actions to protect myself can happen how ever I feel about him, but how I feel about him depends on his motivations. It does matter to me.
For example, I am dyspraxic. That means that my coordination is all over the place and sometimes my limbs just decide to so something other than I want them to. I regularly fall flat on my face for no apparent reason or walk into door frames that have been in the same place longer than I've been alive. I if broke your most precious vase because all of a sudden I couldn't control my limbs I would hope you would have a different attitude to me than if I was randomly flailing my arms around in a careless manner for the fun of it. In either case you might ask that I stay a good distance away from your other fragile things, but in one case you could understand that I had no control and no ill-will over what happened and the other you could rightly think I was being an thoughtless idiot. That is the difference to me whether he is an alcoholic or not. One he cannot control and I can try to separate the behaviour from the person, the other is the behaviour reflecting who the person is. And when I'm trying to work out how my feelings relate to this man that seems an important distinction.
I may well end up leaving because no I am not happy right now, but I am not ready right now to make that decision and I'm still trying to work out how I feel. So rather than it being an issue of what should I do, it is an issue of how do I feel.
ETA: With regards to him being a 'typical' alcoholic. I'm grateful for people sharing their experiences of their alcoholics. I guess for me he doesn't in any way resemble the alcoholism of my Mum and her XABF. or my best friend growing up's Mum. Those people were my direct experiences of alcoholism and he is not like that, so I guess that's where my preconceptions of what an alcoholic 'should' look like comes from.
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Join Date: Dec 2008
Posts: 10,944
Well, you see, even if he is an alcoholic, I believe that he can put his disease into remission (so to speak) by entering recovery. Then his actions would be under his control. He chooses not to, apparently.
So which, in your world, would be better. An active alcoholic who chooses to not enter recovery because he is in denial about his disease, or someone who just doesn't give a flip?
So which, in your world, would be better. An active alcoholic who chooses to not enter recovery because he is in denial about his disease, or someone who just doesn't give a flip?
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