Is this a sign of an alcoholic? Help!?
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Originally Posted by Pelican 
Welcome!
I had to let go of my fantasies of potential in others. What you see is what you get.
I had to let go of my fantasies of potential in others. What you see is what you get.
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Originally Posted by DreamsofSerenity
That is perfect!! You are lucky. That is also typical alkie behavior: getting furious at YOU for pointing out something THEY did while drunk. He is probably embarrassed. My ex used to disappear when he was embarrassed too.
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Originally Posted by OnawaMiniya
This is good advice in my opinion.
He definitely appears to have a serious problem.
This is a good opportunity for you to recognize that you shouldn't be, as the above poster said, so invested in someone who is acting like that, after one date or several. This is not meant to be harsh and I'm not judging you at all. I'm saying that this seems to indicate that you are possibly willing to put up with way more than one reasonably should, and that that's a good thing to identify in yourself and reflect on before you get into a situation where you have regrets. Many people on here can tell you, that's not a fun place to be. What do you think he'd be like AFTER knowing you and being involved with you, if this is how he acts upon being new with each other?
Wishing you luck, and peace.
He definitely appears to have a serious problem.
This is a good opportunity for you to recognize that you shouldn't be, as the above poster said, so invested in someone who is acting like that, after one date or several. This is not meant to be harsh and I'm not judging you at all. I'm saying that this seems to indicate that you are possibly willing to put up with way more than one reasonably should, and that that's a good thing to identify in yourself and reflect on before you get into a situation where you have regrets. Many people on here can tell you, that's not a fun place to be. What do you think he'd be like AFTER knowing you and being involved with you, if this is how he acts upon being new with each other?
Wishing you luck, and peace.
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Originally Posted by honeypig
And a big +1000 to what Lexicat and Anvilhead said!
Holy carpfish, this was a FIRST DATE???? What do you think the SECOND one would have been like?
And yes, please do think about doing some work on yourself so you are not set up to become a victim in the future--I don't mean that in a cruel way, just that, as another poster said, you have to wonder why anyone would even CARE that someone like this wouldn't contact them for another "date"....I don't care who you are, you deserve a LOT better than that, Sweet!! Please try to get your head right so this doesn't become a pattern for you.
Holy carpfish, this was a FIRST DATE???? What do you think the SECOND one would have been like?
And yes, please do think about doing some work on yourself so you are not set up to become a victim in the future--I don't mean that in a cruel way, just that, as another poster said, you have to wonder why anyone would even CARE that someone like this wouldn't contact them for another "date"....I don't care who you are, you deserve a LOT better than that, Sweet!! Please try to get your head right so this doesn't become a pattern for you.
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Originally Posted by OnawaMiniya
To elaborate on what I already said/the above points of view and advice given by several others that I agree with in my humble opinion...
I just wanted to stress the point again, that no one here is judging you at ALL. I can see that it might be possible to feel that way given the directness of many of these responses, mine included. Please understand that ALL of us are coming from a place of genuine concern from the heart.
I know I already mentioned that I'm certainly not judging you and that so many of is here in this forum have been there in the past, or are currently there right now... so, please keep in mind that this advice, that these points of view urging you to examine why you would even be willing to feel anything other than relieved that he's actually doing you a FAVOR by cutting off contact with you... this advice and these points of view are being given to you from a place of experience coupled with genuine concern for your happiness and health, from people who have done these same types of things...
I just don't want you to pull away from these responses just because they are blunt or direct or, if you are feeling insecure, they could *feel* like judgements being directed at you. Quite the opposite is true - we can't judge, or damn your experience, since we have done the same things essentially. We wouldn't be here if we hadn't accepted an alcoholic into our life, regardless of or varying experiences within that context (meaning, some of us saw more red flags than others and ignored them; some of us really were oblivious; some of us were/are with alcoholics who were/are master's at hiding the extent of their problem, etc, etc, etc).
I don't know a great deal about you obviously. But it may be interesting and enlightening for you to read about co-dependent behaviors, and see if you can identify with any of the traits. It might offer some insight into why you wouldn't instantly want to run far and fast, before that "date" was even over.
The point is, we all wish for you to spare yourself unnecessary pain and suffering.
VALUE yourself, BE AS CONCERNED FOR YOURSELF AND YOUR WELL BEING as you would be to others, and DON'T SETTLE for being treated poorly.
Can be easier said than done. But worth the work! And post here for support and insight, it will help you to read other's experiences and see if you can identifywith them, and writing about your own confusion will help you to gain clarity. You said you were hurt that he stopped talking to you after he behaved as he did, and I'd like to gently and with kind intentions point out that that isn't in your best interests to have that reaction. Just my opinion, but to me, that indicates that you don't demand the respect and good treatment you deserve, that perhaps you may tend to seek comfort in the attention of others, rather than building up your confidence to where you feel comfortable from the inside out, not from the outside in (which isn't sustainable, anyway, as it's not a state of being as it is when it comes from inside. It's a state of temporary relief when it comes from the outside).
You mentioned that these responses are helpful for you to show you to see him for who he is. Gently and again with kind intentions, I would say that you would benefit from using these responses to see you for who you are as well - someone who would save themself a lot of future heartache, pain, and suffering by learning about why you would consider accepting behavior like that from someone else, why you wouldn't recognize right away that you deserve better. Again, a reminder that so many of us here completely understand because we have done this ourselves. A little self respect and healthy self love go a long way.
Peace!
I just wanted to stress the point again, that no one here is judging you at ALL. I can see that it might be possible to feel that way given the directness of many of these responses, mine included. Please understand that ALL of us are coming from a place of genuine concern from the heart.
I know I already mentioned that I'm certainly not judging you and that so many of is here in this forum have been there in the past, or are currently there right now... so, please keep in mind that this advice, that these points of view urging you to examine why you would even be willing to feel anything other than relieved that he's actually doing you a FAVOR by cutting off contact with you... this advice and these points of view are being given to you from a place of experience coupled with genuine concern for your happiness and health, from people who have done these same types of things...
I just don't want you to pull away from these responses just because they are blunt or direct or, if you are feeling insecure, they could *feel* like judgements being directed at you. Quite the opposite is true - we can't judge, or damn your experience, since we have done the same things essentially. We wouldn't be here if we hadn't accepted an alcoholic into our life, regardless of or varying experiences within that context (meaning, some of us saw more red flags than others and ignored them; some of us really were oblivious; some of us were/are with alcoholics who were/are master's at hiding the extent of their problem, etc, etc, etc).
I don't know a great deal about you obviously. But it may be interesting and enlightening for you to read about co-dependent behaviors, and see if you can identify with any of the traits. It might offer some insight into why you wouldn't instantly want to run far and fast, before that "date" was even over.
The point is, we all wish for you to spare yourself unnecessary pain and suffering.
VALUE yourself, BE AS CONCERNED FOR YOURSELF AND YOUR WELL BEING as you would be to others, and DON'T SETTLE for being treated poorly.
Can be easier said than done. But worth the work! And post here for support and insight, it will help you to read other's experiences and see if you can identifywith them, and writing about your own confusion will help you to gain clarity. You said you were hurt that he stopped talking to you after he behaved as he did, and I'd like to gently and with kind intentions point out that that isn't in your best interests to have that reaction. Just my opinion, but to me, that indicates that you don't demand the respect and good treatment you deserve, that perhaps you may tend to seek comfort in the attention of others, rather than building up your confidence to where you feel comfortable from the inside out, not from the outside in (which isn't sustainable, anyway, as it's not a state of being as it is when it comes from inside. It's a state of temporary relief when it comes from the outside).
You mentioned that these responses are helpful for you to show you to see him for who he is. Gently and again with kind intentions, I would say that you would benefit from using these responses to see you for who you are as well - someone who would save themself a lot of future heartache, pain, and suffering by learning about why you would consider accepting behavior like that from someone else, why you wouldn't recognize right away that you deserve better. Again, a reminder that so many of us here completely understand because we have done this ourselves. A little self respect and healthy self love go a long way.
Peace!
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Sweet-
Rejection hurts. From anyone. I believe it is natural and normal to feel this way, even if the rejection is from this guy who seems like he may have alcohol issues. The feelings of rejection will lessen with time. It is a good thing that he blocked your number and lives far away. As much as it hurts, it will be beneficial in the long run. Around here we call it no contact (NC). There are so many of us on this forum that have lived with active alcoholism for years, and it has done a number on us. As backwards as it sounds, you are lucky- You have only had to deal with it for one night.
Hopefully with time you can move past this. And perhaps your next first date will be with someone house broken (or at least paper-trained)..... Just trying to make you laugh
Rejection hurts. From anyone. I believe it is natural and normal to feel this way, even if the rejection is from this guy who seems like he may have alcohol issues. The feelings of rejection will lessen with time. It is a good thing that he blocked your number and lives far away. As much as it hurts, it will be beneficial in the long run. Around here we call it no contact (NC). There are so many of us on this forum that have lived with active alcoholism for years, and it has done a number on us. As backwards as it sounds, you are lucky- You have only had to deal with it for one night.
Hopefully with time you can move past this. And perhaps your next first date will be with someone house broken (or at least paper-trained)..... Just trying to make you laugh
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Originally Posted by Sweett1979
Hi! Thanks for your response. I've had so much trouble with this because i was attracted to him before i witnessed all the things i mentioned in my post and i really was hurt that he stopped talking to me.. I'm like how do u think my carpet got wet and things knocked off my dresser!? He won't acknowledge what he did or apologize and it just hurt me. But i guess this is a sign that maybe he did me a favor by dissappearing from my life... Still hurts though that he's so cold
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Run, and don't even look back.
There's a really good show called The Walking Dead, and if he's not a 'walker' now, he will be. And all they do is what any addict does: they feed off the living without any regard except to satisfy their hunger for their drug of choice.
They will take the body, mind, soul, love, money, and anything else from anyone that'll get close to them.
I pray you find happiness with a drug free person.
There's a really good show called The Walking Dead, and if he's not a 'walker' now, he will be. And all they do is what any addict does: they feed off the living without any regard except to satisfy their hunger for their drug of choice.
They will take the body, mind, soul, love, money, and anything else from anyone that'll get close to them.
I pray you find happiness with a drug free person.
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Originally Posted by Crazed
Sweet-
Rejection hurts. From anyone. I believe it is natural and normal to feel this way, even if the rejection is from this guy who seems like he may have alcohol issues. The feelings of rejection will lessen with time. It is a good thing that he blocked your number and lives far away. As much as it hurts, it will be beneficial in the long run. Around here we call it no contact (NC). There are so many of us on this forum that have lived with active alcoholism for years, and it has done a number on us. As backwards as it sounds, you are lucky- You have only had to deal with it for one night.
Hopefully with time you can move past this. And perhaps your next first date will be with someone house broken (or at least paper-trained)..... Just trying to make you laugh
Rejection hurts. From anyone. I believe it is natural and normal to feel this way, even if the rejection is from this guy who seems like he may have alcohol issues. The feelings of rejection will lessen with time. It is a good thing that he blocked your number and lives far away. As much as it hurts, it will be beneficial in the long run. Around here we call it no contact (NC). There are so many of us on this forum that have lived with active alcoholism for years, and it has done a number on us. As backwards as it sounds, you are lucky- You have only had to deal with it for one night.
Hopefully with time you can move past this. And perhaps your next first date will be with someone house broken (or at least paper-trained)..... Just trying to make you laugh
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Sometimes i wonder if he was really shy and felt like he had to be wasted to socialize. I read an article online about this but still one can be sociable on a few drinks and not a ton and top it off with a 4 loko... Has anyone witnessed someone's behavior after a 4 loko? I think this may have caused the sleepwalk! I had to Google 4 loko because i had no idea what this was but what i read about it is disturbing and i wondered why a human would want to drink it especially if already drunk!
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Definitely problem drinking and substance.
What do you think? If someone was telling you this what would you say to them?
Doesn,t like it will be a very positive experience for you. Doesn,t sound like it so far and will probably only get worse.
What do you think? If someone was telling you this what would you say to them?
Doesn,t like it will be a very positive experience for you. Doesn,t sound like it so far and will probably only get worse.
Originally Posted by Sweett1979
I think a guy i was attracted to has a problem and will not recognize it as such. We went out on what i thought would be a date but we sat at the bar. He didn't order any food just several (maybe 10-15) vodka/tonics and about 4 shots of patron, the tab was really high. In between his drinks he kept getting up to go outside and smoke. After this he then asked me to take him to a gas station for mor cigarettes but he came out with a 4 loko and he drunk this on top of what he had just had at the bar. I googled the 4 loko because i did not know what it was and it pretty much is liquid cocaine as it has the same affect as a small hit of cocaine. After he drunk this i got really scared he went to sleep, but an hour later woke up and was sleepwalking and he urinated on my carpet. He went back to sleep and was snoring terribly and his heart was racing!!! This whole thing was scary for me. This sounds like more than a social drinker and i think he may be an alcoholic and possibly abuses other substànces that i don't know of. Are these the signs of substance abuse? He also got waived from playing pro football and i really think it was due to these type of substance issues but he won't talk about it. Now he won't speak to me because he thinks im lying about him peeing on my carpet!!! Should i just say good riddance for my own sake?
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I would gently suggest that you stop trying to analyze why he drinks and why he "rejected" you. Alcoholics drink and treat people poorly because that is what the disease DOES. I have been married to two alcoholics, and am almost five years sober, myself. I've known hundreds of alcoholics. What he did isn't that unusual or shocking. What concerns us is not so much what he did, but the fact that you seem so hurt by it and are struggling so hard to understand it.
These aren't attacks on you--we recognize some of the warning signs that you could potentially wind up getting hooked into a relationship that would be very, very bad for you. Many of us thought the same way you do. So trust me when I say nobody is "judging" you in the sense of looking down on you. But we ARE suggesting that it might be in your own interest to examine why YOU are reacting the way you are to this incident.
These aren't attacks on you--we recognize some of the warning signs that you could potentially wind up getting hooked into a relationship that would be very, very bad for you. Many of us thought the same way you do. So trust me when I say nobody is "judging" you in the sense of looking down on you. But we ARE suggesting that it might be in your own interest to examine why YOU are reacting the way you are to this incident.
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Originally Posted by LexieCat
I would gently suggest that you stop trying to analyze why he drinks and why he "rejected" you. Alcoholics drink and treat people poorly because that is what the disease DOES. I have been married to two alcoholics, and am almost five years sober, myself. I've known hundreds of alcoholics. What he did isn't that unusual or shocking. What concerns us is not so much what he did, but the fact that you seem so hurt by it and are struggling so hard to understand it.
These aren't attacks on you--we recognize some of the warning signs that you could potentially wind up getting hooked into a relationship that would be very, very bad for you. Many of us thought the same way you do. So trust me when I say nobody is "judging" you in the sense of looking down on you. But we ARE suggesting that it might be in your own interest to examine why YOU are reacting the way you are to this incident.
These aren't attacks on you--we recognize some of the warning signs that you could potentially wind up getting hooked into a relationship that would be very, very bad for you. Many of us thought the same way you do. So trust me when I say nobody is "judging" you in the sense of looking down on you. But we ARE suggesting that it might be in your own interest to examine why YOU are reacting the way you are to this incident.
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Originally Posted by Sweett1979
Ok, I'm not on here to get attacked just to get some useful insight. I made a mistake and I know everyone on here has. The way this affected me and the reason why I took the blocking of my number to heart or why I didn't up and leave him at the bar probably stems from a relationship 2 years ago where my ex cheated and left me for the person to marry her. I caught them in bed together. SO after that I felt unlovable and it ruined my self image. So this new guy comes along and I discover he's an alcoholic and he blocks my number because I've told him what he did on my carpet and in a sense to me it felt like rejection all over again. I know it may seem weird to you or some but it's how I felt at the time. so I decided to post here so I can read over and over again that I need to run from this guy so I can see it for what it is...again I apologize...but we all are a work in progress..
You say here that your self-image was ruined and b/c of that, you were willing to accept treatment like what you described from this guy. Isn't that pretty much what everyone has said here--figure out why you think so little of yourself that you're upset b/c some guy who drinks to oblivion on your first date and pees on your rug hasn't called you back? So apparently you HAVE figured it out. That's all good then.
So I think the consensus is that forgetting about this guy and perhaps working on your own issues will be of more benefit to you than obsessing about why he blocked your number...and I hope that you are able to do that. As I said in my original post, you deserve better than this, and you DO.
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Originally Posted by Sweett1979
Well it is what it is! It hurt me and everyone has different effects with things.
If you prefer to just have people feel sorry for you, or help you figure out how to make this guy something other than what he is, you will not find that here. THAT is what THAT is.
Everyone here wishes the best for you. We know how it feels to be hurt by an alcoholic's inexplicable behavior. You are more than welcome here, but you do need to accept that if you post, you will get honest feedback. Even when it is something you would rather not hear.
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Originally Posted by Sweett1979
I totally respect myself! I don't think u know enough about me or my life. everyone makes mistakes. I'd advise you read some of my responses!!! Thanks again! I feel like total crap now
I literally covered every concern you mention in your above quote.
Good luck to you.
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Hope everyone takes care! I should've never posted here. I see my posts now slapped me in the face so again thanks for making me feel like crap. I posted here not for attack on my self image but to get insight on what i dealt with! I guess the alcoholic is a great person and im not. All of u have a nice life. Im done with this site!
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Originally Posted by OnawaMiniya
You posted here for input from others. My posts made it abundantly clear that I was not judging you. No one here was.
I literally covered every concern you mention in your above quote.
Good luck to you.
I literally covered every concern you mention in your above quote.
Good luck to you.
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Originally Posted by honeypig
Sweet, sorry my post was misunderstood. You were NOT being attacked. You came here asking for input and you got it. No one is judging you--in fact, many of the posts specifically say that. We are all here b/c we HAVE made mistakes.
You say here that your self-image was ruined and b/c of that, you were willing to accept treatment like what you described from this guy. Isn't that pretty much what everyone has said here--figure out why you think so little of yourself that you're upset b/c some guy who drinks to oblivion on your first date and pees on your rug hasn't called you back? So apparently you HAVE figured it out. That's all good then.
So I think the consensus is that forgetting about this guy and perhaps working on your own issues will be of more benefit to you than obsessing about why he blocked your number...and I hope that you are able to do that. As I said in my original post, you deserve better than this, and you DO.
You say here that your self-image was ruined and b/c of that, you were willing to accept treatment like what you described from this guy. Isn't that pretty much what everyone has said here--figure out why you think so little of yourself that you're upset b/c some guy who drinks to oblivion on your first date and pees on your rug hasn't called you back? So apparently you HAVE figured it out. That's all good then.
So I think the consensus is that forgetting about this guy and perhaps working on your own issues will be of more benefit to you than obsessing about why he blocked your number...and I hope that you are able to do that. As I said in my original post, you deserve better than this, and you DO.
Great. The alcoholic is a great person and i'm not because i have a bad self image. Thanks
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