Smoking the same as drinking? On an addiction level.
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Join Date: Jul 2010
Location: South Jersey
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I think the difference in societal attitudes is that nobody really thinks smoking is "OK." Not even the smokers.
Drinking alcohol, though, is something millions of people do without any adverse consequences.
I don't care for the way some people treat smokers--particularly those smokers who go out of their way to be considerate of others. But I'm not about to defend it as "OK"--it isn't a good thing, and there really isn't anything positive you can say about it.
Drinking alcohol, though, is something millions of people do without any adverse consequences.
I don't care for the way some people treat smokers--particularly those smokers who go out of their way to be considerate of others. But I'm not about to defend it as "OK"--it isn't a good thing, and there really isn't anything positive you can say about it.
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Join Date: Jun 2013
Posts: 340
Originally Posted by soberlicious 
Of course he's trying to deflect...I said that in my first post, but that does not mean that he doesn't have a good point. They both have an addiction. And they are each protecting their respective addictions. He is basically saying to her, "You are also doing something harmful, that you refuse to stop doing" and hes right. The fact that his addiction currently wreaks more havoc is simply a diversion in her favor. The fact is, they both have an addiction. To say "but yours is worse" is a little like "I know you are, but what am I?"
So the logic here is you should not quit sucking smoke into your lungs to make a point? To continue doing something that can potentially kill you because the idiot that made the suggestion has ulterior motives anyway, and he will continue to take away even the most basic human rights from you, like showering or using the bathroom. The sublime to the ridiculous is but a step. Keep huffin those butts, that'll show him. Sounds vaguely like the thought process of an addicted individual to me.
I still can't believe that in 2013 so many still believe that smoking is no big deal.
So the logic here is you should not quit sucking smoke into your lungs to make a point? To continue doing something that can potentially kill you because the idiot that made the suggestion has ulterior motives anyway, and he will continue to take away even the most basic human rights from you, like showering or using the bathroom. The sublime to the ridiculous is but a step. Keep huffin those butts, that'll show him. Sounds vaguely like the thought process of an addicted individual to me.
I still can't believe that in 2013 so many still believe that smoking is no big deal.
When I was a little kid my mom smoked and it bothered me, it would give me acid reflux or something. I would bother her every day to stop smoking and hell she finally did it! Maybe that's when codie zen was born. My dad followed suit after cancer. I agree it's a good thing to stop and hopefully SR can be of help with that.
My grandfather died of emphysema because of his smoking. I will never touch the stuff. My aunt has diabetes, has had throat vocal reconstruction and has had a heart attack....AND SHE STILL SMOKES! She also has mega enablers in her life, her H and D who continue to smoke. After her heart attack my aunt cried like a maniac for a cig while in the hospital and guess who gave it to her? her H. I would've let her cry all night. They are the only ones + grandma that still smoke.
I am going to hijack, I would have thought my aunt would have hit rock bottom, she apparently has not and is on track to an early grave. My best guess is she's massively clinically depressed. Any other ideas?
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Join Date: Dec 2010
Location: Midwest, USA
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To expand on my BOTH/AND thing, how about:
Both smoking and drinking are addictions that have negative health consequences and negatively affect families, AND your husband has an untreated drinking problem that is negatively affecting your life and he's trying to blame you for it.
Win/win. Nothing is denied by admitting both are true.
____
I'm a reformed smoker (who still smokes occasionally) who was extremely annoyed by my AH's smoking habit that had him outdoors for 10-15 minutes on the hour every hour. It was a serious imposition on the family time. I'm saying this as someone who used to do the same and now feels regret at all the time I spent outside smoking and diddling around on my phone instead of paying attention to my kids or the house or something else.
But hands down, I would tolerate that long before I would tolerate the drinking behavior again. It's not in the same ballpark. It's not on the same planet.
Both smoking and drinking are addictions that have negative health consequences and negatively affect families, AND your husband has an untreated drinking problem that is negatively affecting your life and he's trying to blame you for it.
Win/win. Nothing is denied by admitting both are true.
____
I'm a reformed smoker (who still smokes occasionally) who was extremely annoyed by my AH's smoking habit that had him outdoors for 10-15 minutes on the hour every hour. It was a serious imposition on the family time. I'm saying this as someone who used to do the same and now feels regret at all the time I spent outside smoking and diddling around on my phone instead of paying attention to my kids or the house or something else.
But hands down, I would tolerate that long before I would tolerate the drinking behavior again. It's not in the same ballpark. It's not on the same planet.
Join Date: Aug 2011
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My own children will walk by a smoker and whisper at me "Mom, that person is SMOKING", like they are committing murder or something.
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Join Date: Jan 2011
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Originally Posted by soberlicious
So the logic here is you should not quit sucking smoke into your lungs to make a point? To continue doing something that can potentially kill you because the idiot that made the suggestion has ulterior motives anyway, and he will continue to take away even the most basic human rights from you, like showering or using the bathroom. The sublime to the ridiculous is but a step. Keep huffin those butts, that'll show him. Sounds vaguely like the thought process of an addicted individual to me.
I still can't believe that in 2013 so many still believe that smoking is no big deal.
I still can't believe that in 2013 so many still believe that smoking is no big deal.
But this is really about an alcoholic quacking and deflecting. To beat up on the OP for smoking seems counter-productive. She knows it is bad for her. She'll tackle that problem in her own time and way.
Join Date: Aug 2011
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Originally Posted by Danae
But this is really about an alcoholic quacking and deflecting. To beat up on the OP for smoking seems counter-productive.
Originally Posted by fedupbeyondall
However, from a purely addiction perspective are they that different?
Originally Posted by Danae
She knows it is bad for her. She'll tackle that problem in her own time and way.
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Join Date: May 2013
Posts: 1,218
Originally Posted by fedupbeyondall
Well of course they are. He drinks because I smoke. Poor thing. I'm kind of jealous of him. I want to live in a world where nothing is the fault of my choices.
Let me note, I am fully aware of my smoking addiction. I know I have an issue and I need to stop. The major difference here is that my AH doesn't think his drinking is a problem. Because 5 liters of vodka a week isn't a problem for anyone.
Let me note, I am fully aware of my smoking addiction. I know I have an issue and I need to stop. The major difference here is that my AH doesn't think his drinking is a problem. Because 5 liters of vodka a week isn't a problem for anyone.
If I say he's the only recurring factor, he quacks.
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Join Date: Dec 2012
Location: Melbourne Australia.
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Don't want to pontificate,Gave up the ciggies 35 years ago,cept for a couple of joints over 20 years back.
Over 50 years booze and benzos though!
As you say alcohol can cause a lot of external trauma....families, violence, crime, disease, insanity, car accidents etc.
Still I'm really glad the smokes are out of the way.
Alcohol free 68 days
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Originally Posted by soberlicious
Probably because children see the uncensored truth, that sucking smoke into your lungs over and over is, well, weird. For the record, so is drinking.
Fedup, sorry again about your thread. I'm thinking of starting a thread titled "Is it okay for alcoholics to own firearms?" and seeing how heated that gets. (Just kidding).
Life Health Prosperity
Join Date: Sep 2011
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I'm 3 years no booze, 1 year no nicotine and had a harder time with the cigarettes than the booze. It only takes 40 milligrams of nicotine to kill a person, takes a 100 milligrams of strychnine. Fedupbeyondall, rootin for ya. 
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[
Yes smoking is an addiction. Re-read your post and look at your habits with it.
B][/B]
Yes smoking is an addiction. Re-read your post and look at your habits with it.
B][/B]
Originally Posted by fedupbeyondall
Not sure if this is quacking or a legitimate argument from a active A. We both smoke (cigarettes), I'm a heavier smoker than he is. His latest rebuttal to my drinking boundaries is "well you smoke and there are always plenty of cigarettes around". My response is, "Smoking is not even close to the same level as alcohol. I don't turn into a raging ahole when I smoke or go long periods without smoking. I don't stumble around and pee in places other than the toilet.......and all the other things most A's do." However, from a purely addiction perspective are they that different? I've smoked since I was 12, (thank you older sisters BF at the time for giving me my first one). It started slow, smoking when I could sneak them. Slowly escalating into a full pack a day smoker by the time I was 18. I always make sure I have plenty around and rarely go more than a couple of hours without smoking. The first thing I do after waking up is go outside and smoke.
As always opinions and thoughts are more than welcome?
As always opinions and thoughts are more than welcome?
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Jun 2013
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Dreamsofserenity. I totally think you should.
I also want to clear something up......I'm not a woman. I'm a mam married to a man. Just so you know.
I didn't realize how heated this conversation would become. Thank you all for your words. It seems some people have more of an issue with cigarettes than I thought.
I also want to clear something up......I'm not a woman. I'm a mam married to a man. Just so you know.
I didn't realize how heated this conversation would become. Thank you all for your words. It seems some people have more of an issue with cigarettes than I thought.
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Join Date: May 2013
Posts: 1,218
Originally Posted by Earthworm
[
Yes smoking is an addiction. Re-read your post and look at your habits with it.
B][/B]
Yes smoking is an addiction. Re-read your post and look at your habits with it.
B][/B]
......
To sum up my opinion on this:
I've never tried to get far away from a car driving on the road with me because I saw them smoking. If someone appears to be drunk, however, I try to get far away from them.
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Join Date: Jan 2011
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Originally Posted by fedupbeyondall
I didn't realize how heated this conversation would become. Thank you all for your words. It seems some people have more of an issue with cigarettes than I thought.
For what its worth, I got the same thing thrown at me from my XAH. I smoke as did he, but the real issue affecting our marriage wasn't smoking, it was his alcoholism and subsequent behavior. He tried this argument as a deflection away from his drinking. It wasn't effective, as I simply don't see them to be at the same level, as others here do. It's ok to disagree, though.
He can't see his drinking being an issue because if he does, he'll have to do something about it, right? So as long as he maintains his denial, he can continue to drink without the high cognitive dissonance that comes with knowing what you are doing is destructive.
I don't think nicotine causes quite as much of that denial as other high mind-altering substances, and I wonder if its related to the substance itself or the heavy anti-smoking campaigns we've had over the last decade.
Either way, its an argument you can't win, hence my suggestion to not engage in it to begin with.
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Originally Posted by fedupbeyondall
Dreamsofserenity. I totally think you should.
I also want to clear something up......I'm not a woman. I'm a mam married to a man. Just so you know.
I didn't realize how heated this conversation would become. Thank you all for your words. It seems some people have more of an issue with cigarettes than I thought.
I also want to clear something up......I'm not a woman. I'm a mam married to a man. Just so you know.
I didn't realize how heated this conversation would become. Thank you all for your words. It seems some people have more of an issue with cigarettes than I thought.
I smoke. Quit for eight years. Started again like an idiot about three years ago. Wasn't actually hard to quit because I wanted to. I was worried about my health. However, from the view of how it immediately impacts behavior compared to alcohol, alcohol wins that round.
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Join Date: May 2013
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Originally Posted by Tuffgirl
I don't think nicotine causes quite as much of that denial as other high mind-altering substances, and I wonder if its related to the substance itself or the heavy anti-smoking campaigns we've had over the last decade.
Good point about the ads. Information helps with opinion.
Recently I was thinking of starting a thread about the ads and marketing of alcohol, your post and a post by ZenMe reminded me. I never started the thread because I wondered if it was one of those topics that gets brought up a lot already.
I'm starting a thread now on it anyway lol. There are always new people here, right?
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Very cool! I had no idea. I am bad with names when they are things like Ben and Lisa. On SR, I'm a total disaster so it is sometimes a challenge to keep people's stories straight.
I'm glad I know just so I don't say something to you in a future post like "It's not a good idea to talk about serious things with your husband while you have PMS."
I'm glad I know just so I don't say something to you in a future post like "It's not a good idea to talk about serious things with your husband while you have PMS."
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