Arl903

I am finding myself feeling more alone.. I am happy he is going to meetings after work every evening. Except now I never see him, there is no us time let alone family time.. I want him to recover don't get me wrong, but I feeling lonely ..
Between the financial mess that is our life right now .. Our three kids (the youngest is a type 1 diabetic so I am constantly stressed and without sleep!) I am just feeling like I need a hug.. Like a long one that doesn't end and lasts all day..
Does this get better? Or do I just have to face facts that aa will be his family and we will be left in the dust..? Am I being dramatic? Be honest...

Lyssy

(((((((HUGE HUG)))))))

I too felt that way. I just had to change my thinking a bit.

Maybe start a new tradition with the kiddos when he is not there? I dont have kids but I do understand some of the stresses and anxieties. Find something just for you. Try and enjoy it. It could be like it was when he was drinking.

I prayed for 15 yeas for peaceful evenings... well, I have them now (and he is at meetings and has peaceful evenings too). It has to be difficult with children.

Not sure if this is helpful, but wanted to lend support.

Sueski

My sense is that this is pretty normal for early recovery, but others with more experience will be along soon to help.

Are you able to get to an AlAnon meeting for you? I realize that's probably hard with three kids, let alone the diabetes issue, but I think that might be the place you can find the support you need that he can't give right now. I am sending you a virtual hug right now.

LexieCat

Hi, Arl,

If your husband sticks with his AA recovery, REALLY sticks with it, you will eventually have him back as a contributing, involved member of your family. Assuming he does that, it might be several months to a year before he is on solid enough ground to be an attentive husband and dad. I wouldn't rush that process if I were you. It's necessary. He shouldn't act like a jerk about it, but it really DOES take that level of commitment, especially in the beginning.

I've been married to two alcoholics. One got sober a year before we got married and yeah, he was pretty wrapped up in AA. 33 years later, he is still sober, and a great guy (we're no longer married but still good friends). The other guy went back to drinking himself to death after only a matter of months. I'm sober, myself, almost five years now. It really does require a huge amount of focus at first, but the results are so worth it.

I suggest you do what you can to further your own recovery. I'm sure it's tough to find time with young kids, but some Al-Anon meetings have childcare, and many don't mind if you bring a child with you, as long as you take them outside if they become restless or fussy.

Hammer

IF (and that is an IF) he goes, and it sticks and he really Really REALLY works the program -- you will blessed and blessed deeply. Hard to see that early on, but well worth the trip.

Selfish? No. I would say normal.

Here is pretty much what we all want >>>

Wash your eyes out with this . . .

SoberRecovery - Chapter 9 - The Family Afterward

http://www.aa.org/bigbookonline/en_bigbook_chapt9.pdf

Blessings to you and your family on the path ahead.

Recovering2

The first few months after my BF went through recovery were difficult. I didn't expect that. He worked really hard at his recovery. Meetings 6 days a week, counselor once a week, meetings with Sponsor once weekly, work at his business. I had prayed for so long for him to find sobriety, but then I felt like I got left in the dust!!! I had to learn to stay focused on my own recovery, and give him the space to work it out. It took about 6 months, but things are much more normal now.

As long as he seems to be making a sincere effort, I would suggest give it a little time and patience. Hopefully you're in AlAnon as well, it's a good place to figure these next steps out. It will pay off.