amy55

I got married. Second biggest mistake of my life. The first was on July 14th., same year. You see I lived in NJ, we were to be married in NY. Had to have the blood test on file for 3 days, and couldn't get them back and run them over to NY, so got married in NJ on 7/14/1983, justice of the peace, (had to wait for all the cases to be over before he did weddings), then renewed our vows on 7/16/1983. Should have known then to call off the marriage.

Well on July 16th, we didn't have a real fancy wedding. We had rented a house down the Jersey Shore for the summer so we invited people over there for a party, didn't tell them it was our wedding, didn't really want any gifts. Oh, wow, was it hot that day. Think over 100 degrees in the shade.

We had rented the house down the shore with friends of ours. (Ironically these are the friends of mine that took me in when I had to leave my AH.) They knew what we were up to, so they did set up a wedding celebration for us. We had already bought all the food for a BBQ, so they had picked up a cake, and decorated the house.

Well, my AH didn't really talk to me at all during the party, he would actually stand in front of me and block me from people when he was talking to them. I would try to talk to him, and he would walk away or tell me to shut up.

So, yes, that was my wedding day. I remember walking down to the boardwalk at 10pm, and I just sat on a bench and cried. A stranger came over to me to ask me if I was OK. I told him, this was my wedding day, and I want a divorce. (lol) I should have gotten the divorce then.

Replies are not needed, I just had to get this out. I also realized this year, that when July 14th came around, I didn't think of my anniversary. So, yay for me!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

So instead of the song "just another manic monday", It's "just another ptsd day".

I hate these triggers. I hate christmas, I hate my birthday, I hate new years eve, I hate Easter, St Patricks Day, Valentines Day, Mother's Day, Father's Day, Thanksgiving, Halloween, 4th of July, etc.........

dandylion

amy, Wow. And hugs, dear.

dandylion

fedupbeyondall

I know you didn't ask for replies but I have to tell you I had a similar experience. On my wedding day, my AH didn't touch a drop of alcohol until the reception. However, once at the reception it was "game on". As the night wore on I saw less and less of him until I decided to shoot some pool with my brother. My AH comes over and asked my brother "Hey a bunch of us are going back to the hotel to drink some more wanna come?" My brothe replied "Uhm, don't you want to celebrate your wedding with your spouse?" My AH in the most classiest of moves ever said "Dude, I've drank so much I've got whiskey d*** so nothings going to happen anyways" then he disappeared the rest of the night. I didn't see him again tillt he next morning when he poured himself into bed. I can still remember crying on a friend of mines shoulder telling her I should have never done this. Here I am several years later, still wondering why I went through with it. So, I know how you feel. (((((HUGS)))))

amy55

Hey fedup, gotta give you some ((((((((((((hugs)))))))))))))))). That is really the pits when they can't do a wedding day right.!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Yes, a little bit of the alcohol and you just don't exist anymore. Even on our wedding day. Forget about the rest of the holidays !!!!!!!!!! They could have at least made that one sacrifice. Guess I meant, not even asking them not to drink that day, but just to pay some attention to us.

fedupbeyondall

I suppose that's what is meant by unrealistic expectations. We really need to get our priorities in order Amy HAHAHA

fedupbeyondall

The expression on my poor brothers face when he said that tho was a bit priceless. "Did that just happen?" "Yeah bro it did. It's your turn, you're stripes". Poor kid had no idea what to think.

amy55

And I don't know, maybe I do need advice on something. As we all know this is July. OK, July is my worst month with triggers. I just got a baby shower invite. I really did want to go to this baby shower, but now it turns out it is an extra hour away from me, so it will be a 3 hour drive to get there, now with the Jersey shore traffic, it might even be a 4 hour drive or longer. It is a block and a half away from where my ex and his girlfriend live. Also, the house that we had rented for that summer is about 7 blocks away. Should I try to do this baby shower?

amy55

Yep those are unrealistic expectations. I 100% agree with that. Thanks for that laugh.

Edited to add: Then on top of that, he had invited friends to stay at this house for a week, not the ones we rented with, just some other friends. So we spent our honeymoon with his friends.

lillamy

Big hugs, Amy.

Here's how I'd approach the baby shower part: I'd go. If nothing else, I'd go because its where your ex lives. Because I'd be furious at the thought that after all the hell you went through with him, that just the thought of being in the vicinity of his house would limit you.

Go. Celebrate the new baby. Celebrate your new life by NOT letting him limit you any more, actively or passively. And wave your middle finger (keep one hand on the wheel) in his general direction as you drive by.

Rosiepetal

If it's any consolation I asked my wedding day to be drug free.
But I found out the very next day that new husband had taken drugs on wedding day.
Should've known cause I hardly saw him all night.
And yes I stayed on another 8 years after that.
I sympathize with you.
Hugs.

amy55

Thanks Lillamy, I am still thinking about this. Think the biggest factor is how far away it is. Keeping the one hand on the driving wheel, don't know about that, might have to keep both on it, because the car may go into automatic pilot, and run him over. (lol)

I think I may be going, it's just that I will also be seeing them about 2 weeks later at another christening, but, I know, I am using that as an excuse also.

amy55

Needed to add, I did make it down to the Jersey Shore for a wedding last year, it was about 3 miles away from him, but that was right after Hurricane Sandy, so the streets of Belmar were still closed. So didn't have to worry about my car going crazy and just running him over. (lol)

amy55

Oh Rosiepetal, I also sympathize with you. I stayed another 25 1/2. I think the worst thing was, I didn't really even think about this again till today. Think my head is clearing a little. It sure wasn't clear back then!!!!!!!! Now I can see, that was just wrong.

fedupbeyondall

IDK, I think I would go....and should the car become possessed and somehow manage to end up in their living room, well......things happen.

amy55

I can only dream about that. Notice I didn't say "nightmare". (lol)

With that new girlfriend I can only feel sorry for her. I found out about them shortly after my divorce when they started living together. So that subject is still kinda "raw" with me. Then after I found out they were living together, I started to look at the last 10 years, they worked together.

I remember meeting her once, and he stood in front of me, and just talked to her, while her husband also gave up trying to have a conversation, and he retreated to his car.

Then I found out that the last year that I was with him, he spent our anniversary with her. They were together for the entire week. So I guess I still have anger issues with that, even though we are divorced. Why? Probably because I looked like a stupid little fool. They were together for at least 7 years before my divorce from him. Never did come to any resolution within myself yet for that.

Hammer

Understood.

When I was doing my PTSD recovery yea now many years ago . . . I settled on Ground Hog's Day as *my* holiday.

You are welcome to share it.

LexieCat

I actually got married (the first time) ON Valentine's Day. It made the holiday weird for a while, but now I usually forget the anniversary. Fortunately, I still like that ex (the kiddos' dad).

I honestly don't remember what date I got married the second time. Maybe it was because I was already separated on the first anniversary, and divorced within a matter of weeks of the second one.

Seren

Did someone say Groundhog?

Amy

Happy peace, joy, and serenity to you!

Hammer

Yeah, one can get a bit fond of youse varmints.

amy55

Oh d@mn, can't take that date either. First marriage, another loser, was on 2/1. His birthday was groundhogs day. Need to find another. Oh, but I did. It's December 6th, my divorcsary.They should make that a word, but maybe they did and I just can't spell it right.