I don't have anything to wear....
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Join Date: Jul 2013
Posts: 51
I don't have anything to wear....
That was my ridiculous, irrational thought this morning, as I got ready for work. I'm attending my first alanon meeting this evening, and won't be home between work, another obligation, and then the meeting. As I was poking around the closet, I thought "I have nothing to wear" and immediately realized what a ridiculous thought that was....
So hi. I'm new here. Married almost 10 years to an alcoholic. About a month ago, he passed out and started a fire in our home. That was the last straw. I thought that was his "rock bottom" but found him stumbling around the house, smashed, a week later, so I left.
I was gone almost 2 weeks. He begged me to come home, and I did. He's been sober 8 days now. He's been attending SMART meetings online and reading their program online, and has attended one AA meeting. He was so relieved to have me home that he did well until yesterday - he's scared, and I'm scared. I'm not sure we're going to make it.
I think I'm probably going to be reading alot here. I'm glad you're here.
So hi. I'm new here. Married almost 10 years to an alcoholic. About a month ago, he passed out and started a fire in our home. That was the last straw. I thought that was his "rock bottom" but found him stumbling around the house, smashed, a week later, so I left.
I was gone almost 2 weeks. He begged me to come home, and I did. He's been sober 8 days now. He's been attending SMART meetings online and reading their program online, and has attended one AA meeting. He was so relieved to have me home that he did well until yesterday - he's scared, and I'm scared. I'm not sure we're going to make it.
I think I'm probably going to be reading alot here. I'm glad you're here.
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Join Date: Jul 2013
Posts: 51
Firebolt, no peace and no taking care of self, at this point, but I will soon. I'm currently mired in horror at what awful decisions I've made, and wondering if this can be fixed. I'm taking a crash course on alcoholism and codependency and recovery. I thought he was just easily overcome by stress, and I accommodated, and accommodated, and accommodated. And now we've come to this place. I'm embarrassed and afraid.
I've been reading here for about a week, and just wanted to reach out.
The thread about normies just put me over the edge - I could identify with almost all of those things
I've been reading here for about a week, and just wanted to reach out.
The thread about normies just put me over the edge - I could identify with almost all of those things
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Join Date: Jan 2012
Posts: 3,699
mcaiwas - we've ALL been there. (((Hugs)))
This place, friends, family and Alanon will help you return the focus to you - and your happiness. Don't beat yourself up! Most of us are not alcoholics - we couldn't have known the extent of what we were in for. And, in our defense - every one of our alcoholics are amazing people in their own right. They just have a sickness that is a relationship killer - they can fix it, but for some awful reason, that is more difficult to them than the end of wonderful family, productive work, decent shelter - anything, really. So Sad.
This place, friends, family and Alanon will help you return the focus to you - and your happiness. Don't beat yourself up! Most of us are not alcoholics - we couldn't have known the extent of what we were in for. And, in our defense - every one of our alcoholics are amazing people in their own right. They just have a sickness that is a relationship killer - they can fix it, but for some awful reason, that is more difficult to them than the end of wonderful family, productive work, decent shelter - anything, really. So Sad.
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Join Date: Mar 2013
Location: Midwest
Posts: 11,481
Originally Posted by mcaiwas 
Firebolt, no peace and no taking care of self, at this point, but I will soon. I'm currently mired in horror at what awful decisions I've made, and wondering if this can be fixed. I'm taking a crash course on alcoholism and codependency and recovery. I thought he was just easily overcome by stress, and I accommodated, and accommodated, and accommodated. And now we've come to this place. I'm embarrassed and afraid.
My A is a really expert hider/liar/sneaker too, and I felt angry, embarrassed, ashamed and afraid too when I came here. I still feel all of that at times but it's way less than it used to be.
Good for you for getting your "crash course"--the more you know about alcoholism, the more you'll be able to realize that what he does is not directed at you personally. He's just doing what A's do. Not that that excuses him or makes it OK, just makes it a bit easier for you to detach and continue down your own path, whatever that may turn out to be.
And good for you for heading to Alanon so promptly! Please do post and tell us how your meeting was.
Wishing you some peace and clarity today--and welcome, welcome, welcome!
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Join Date: Jul 2013
Posts: 565
Originally Posted by mcaiwas
I'm currently mired in horror at what awful decisions I've made, and wondering if this can be fixed.
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Join Date: Feb 2013
Location: W Washington
Posts: 11,589
we know what we know until we know more.
once not too long ago i set off from my house to travel roughly three miles to a little produce stand. i thought i'd take the short cut, which was slightly misguided in that i didn't know if there WAS a shortcut and i've never really been known for my geographical navigation skills. so i set out in the southerly direction in pursuit of said short cut.
as i crossed over 348th a little voice said, i think we should turn here, and then another louder voice said, hell no, press on, you got this, fie on intuition!!!
hopelessly lost i did drive by many lovely houses, many of them. on windy roads that covered all points of the compass. my husband called, where are you, i said i have absolutely no idea!!! finally, after my tour of big homes and housing developments i was deposited on to 348th and was at the produce stand in no time!
i know that seems like a silly irrelevant story....but see i thought, with good intentions, that i knew what i was doing, the premise was reasonably sound, i even had a plan of sorts and it was after all only 3 miles or so....but a few wrong turns and i was in foreign territory. and i couldn't even really answer the question how did i get here.....
you are where you are RIGHT NOW> and so THIS is where you take up your journey - to get UNLOST and back on track. no shame in that. even people who faithfully follow their GPS unit end up in a lake!!!
once not too long ago i set off from my house to travel roughly three miles to a little produce stand. i thought i'd take the short cut, which was slightly misguided in that i didn't know if there WAS a shortcut and i've never really been known for my geographical navigation skills. so i set out in the southerly direction in pursuit of said short cut.
as i crossed over 348th a little voice said, i think we should turn here, and then another louder voice said, hell no, press on, you got this, fie on intuition!!!
hopelessly lost i did drive by many lovely houses, many of them. on windy roads that covered all points of the compass. my husband called, where are you, i said i have absolutely no idea!!! finally, after my tour of big homes and housing developments i was deposited on to 348th and was at the produce stand in no time!
i know that seems like a silly irrelevant story....but see i thought, with good intentions, that i knew what i was doing, the premise was reasonably sound, i even had a plan of sorts and it was after all only 3 miles or so....but a few wrong turns and i was in foreign territory. and i couldn't even really answer the question how did i get here.....
you are where you are RIGHT NOW> and so THIS is where you take up your journey - to get UNLOST and back on track. no shame in that. even people who faithfully follow their GPS unit end up in a lake!!!
Behold the power of NO
Join Date: Jan 2013
Location: WA
Posts: 7,764
I don't have anything to wear....neither do I, good thing that you can just go in blue jeans and Tshirt to Al Anon meetings 
Seriously to SR and I am glad you are taking the leap and going to your 1st meeting. I hope Al Anon helps you as much as it helped me.
Seriously
to SR and I am glad you are taking the leap and going to your 1st meeting. I hope Al Anon helps you as much as it helped me.
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Join Date: Jun 2013
Location: Denver, CO
Posts: 236
Welcome to SR. I had a interesting event that prompted me to take action. As such I landed here, and what an amazing source of information and, more importantly support it has been. You're headed on the right path. WELCOME TO SR!!!
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Join Date: Oct 2012
Location: New England
Posts: 350
Here, you do not need to be embarrassed. We get it. I don't think there is a single person here who hasn't looked at his life in stunned dismay at some point and asked himself how the **** he got there.
Be kind to yourself. I think I counted five separate put-downs of yourself in two posts. This is very hard stuff, and you actually sound pretty good! Take care. Welcome.
Be kind to yourself. I think I counted five separate put-downs of yourself in two posts. This is very hard stuff, and you actually sound pretty good! Take care. Welcome.
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Jul 2013
Posts: 51
Thank you all for the kind words. Of course this thread had nothing to do with "what to wear," I just thought it was so strange that I should revert to such a common thought pattern, in such an uncommon life event!
I'm going to try to find time today, to post an introduction. I do appreciate the insight here!
I'm going to try to find time today, to post an introduction. I do appreciate the insight here!
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Jul 2013
Posts: 51
Ah, well I never got around to posting an introduction, but I feel like I need to say what's in my heart this morning. I had a pretty good therapy meeting, and was discussing it with AH. I thought that there were points that were made that would make him happy. For instance, my therapist questions the necessity of drawing up a legal separation agreement, since we are living in the same home, and sleeping in the same bed, and AH has been sober for 12 days now. He's been attending some SMART meetings online and one AA meeting.
But in talking last night, I realize that he's still in denial and doesn't believe he has a problem. He's irritated that so many people are in contact with him now and checking on his well-being, or are checking on me and giving me books and information. I don't know if it was just one of those irritable nights, or what's going on, but it became apparent to me that things aren't going as smoothly as I thought.
Just when I think I don't have many codependent issues and don't need to focus on disengaging....
But in talking last night, I realize that he's still in denial and doesn't believe he has a problem. He's irritated that so many people are in contact with him now and checking on his well-being, or are checking on me and giving me books and information. I don't know if it was just one of those irritable nights, or what's going on, but it became apparent to me that things aren't going as smoothly as I thought.
Just when I think I don't have many codependent issues and don't need to focus on disengaging....
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