Bar71

My partner has been sober for almost two months now. She has out patient therapy and group meetings. She seems to be handling it very well. But I have one big underlining fear I can not shake. I know often times countless tell you to avoid situations and people that remind you of drinking. We have been together 3 years. And much of our time together revolved around drinking. Although I don't have a drinking problem I decided to quit with her. Kind of like a buddy system. I fear the therapist will convince her that she would be better off without me given our past drinking. Is this a rational fear?

doggonecarl

Few fears are rational.

BlueSkies1

Has she relayed that the therapist is telling her to get away from everybody she ever drank with? Naturally they would discuss you, as you are such an intimate part of her life.
How's the rest of the relationship going? I am wondering if this fear stems from something else, such as feeling insecure yourself as she finds strength in herself?

Bar71

She dose not really speak of what is said in therapy. Just says she had a tough session or not. So not knowing is probably making me insecure as well. Lately we have been exercising more. Taking 30 plus mile bike rides and such. So I guess her saying nothing about therapy and feeling more distant is the cause of my own fear. But I don't want to pry or seem too nosey about her therapy.

BlueSkies1

Bar, I think not prying is the right move. If she wants to share she will. You can open that door if you want to, by telling her if there is anything she wants to share you have her ear.
I think the buddy system on quitting is good solid support.
This feeling distant--it is often said here that those in early recovery are somewhat numb, and confused, by rewiring and finding out what their sober feelings are. This as I understand it takes time and can't be rushed.
But as far as feeling distant for you, she may be in therapy but you can still pursue the normal convos that a relationship needs.
What are your needs that aren't being met?

SparkleKitty

I can only speak for my therapist -- she wasn't a Life Coach. She would never have advised me to make the kind of changes you fear. She wasn't there to put my life in order so that I could be healthy and happy. Her job was to help me understand who I am so that I could learn to trust myself to make the right decisions to be able to have and feel I deserved the happy and healthy life I wanted for myself.

Your instinct to stay out of her therapy is a good one. She has a lot of work to do that doesn't have much to do with you and your relationship. Maybe while she is taking this time to focus on herself, you could take the time to focus on you.

Best of luck to you -- and for what it's worth, I think it's great you stopped drinking when she did. I don't think there's anything you could have done to better show you are supporting her choice to get healthy.

Hammer

They can be pretty screw-loose for a few months.

At Least 3 months is typical.

6 months seems to be stabilizing.

A year is typically too long.

We are at 7 months, and she is still pretty bonkers.

[your mileage may vary.]

fourmaggie

have you thought of a recovery program for you?

Florence

Take that hyperfocus on her, her recovery, and her future, and put it on yourself. What would your life look like if you trained that time and energy onto you, your health and well-being, and your goals?