Touching Youtube Video

Old 07-16-2013, 05:36 AM
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Touching Youtube Video

My EXAG sent me this video yesterday. It touched me, and I thought it may touch others here being in or around addiction.

Beautiful Things - Gungor Music Video - YouTube

My heart goes out to all who are struggling, including myself.

P.s. I don't believe this URL will work on an iPad
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Old 07-16-2013, 06:29 AM
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Crazed, I gotta be honest here, this video really concerns me for both of you.

It's highly romantic, very sad, full of idealization, etc. I could appropriate it, use it as my own conceptual art piece, and call it "Nature's Call to Codependency."

I do not mean to be a b-tch, or judgemental. It's just that I am very triggered by this because I see you walking down a dangerous path, and I'm confused about what the healthy move is here. You posted, so obviously you are looking for something. Am I supposed to ignore things when I feel triggered, tell you what I think you want to hear, or tell you the truth? Others speak the truth on SR, so I guess I will do the same. I apologize in advance if I am out of line.

I think your GF has a VERY serious and frightening problem. She lost her kids. She was in JAIL. She lost her job. I don't have any idea how her physical health is but it can not be great. She is in EARLY recovery. All the professionals told both of you that NC was imperative, not because there is anything wrong with you but because it is the healthiest thing for any alkie's recovery to not have the distraction of a relationship.

IMO, sending videos of this nature is high risk behavior. She already tattooed Serenity on her body. To me these are signs she is not firmly grouded in the reality of recovery.

Crazed, her mom drank herself to death. This is serious sh-t. For her sake, and yours, please reconsider putting the brakes on this thing.

I admit I might be wrong and again, I do not mean to offend you in anyway.
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Old 07-16-2013, 06:51 AM
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I don't get it. I'm serious. But, I think I'm in the 10% of population that religion just doesn't make sense to me.

The little girl was cute, though.

TFS.
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Old 07-16-2013, 07:10 AM
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Forget the part that it came from EXAG. And remove the religious overtone from the video (which is what I did when I watched it).

To me it symbolized HOPE for those struggling with addiction/vices. The little girl represented innocence, and the photo represented what the afflicted person had the power to be. Throw in some hard work (i.e. the subtle reference to group/12-step sessions) and the afflicted can perhaps someday find serenity.
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Old 07-16-2013, 07:57 AM
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Originally Posted by Crazed View Post
Forget the part that it came from EXAG. And remove the religious overtone from the video (which is what I did when I watched it).

To me it symbolized HOPE for those struggling with addiction/vices. The little girl represented innocence, and the photo represented what the afflicted person had the power to be. Throw in some hard work (i.e. the subtle reference to group/12-step sessions) and the afflicted can perhaps someday find serenity.
I'm so literal, lol. I'm watching her walk up to strange men in cars and thinking "that is so dangerous!" And, then the photos were not what she actually took. So, hence my confusion.

But, I agree, if the message is that everyone has the power to change. My beliefs are that it has to come from within and with hard work.

And, thanks for giving your interpretation.
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Old 07-16-2013, 08:23 AM
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That makes sense, Crazed. I think I was reacting from the knowledge that a lot of addicts/codies turn their SO's into HP's. And to me, I experienced this video as that straight off the bat, and then could not get that out of my head. I go off my initial reaction to things often, probably too often.

I still maintain that sharing things of this nature might trigger something or rekindle a connection between her and you with the God stuff being an afterthought.

Thank you for not getting mad at me. Like a true codie, I am very uncomfortable with people being displeased with me.

I think it is a very good sign your gf has found a strong spiritual connection!
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Old 07-16-2013, 11:23 AM
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Nice. Thanks for sharing.
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Old 07-16-2013, 12:26 PM
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Glad you enjoyed it.

Dreams- All is good. We are still friends
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Old 07-16-2013, 12:57 PM
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I thought I would respond to some of Dreams' post, as it may mirror many of the others' thoughts here. I do know it comes from a place of caring, and I am not upset.

Perhaps some assumptions are being made here about my intent and actions, and also about EXAGs recovery. That being said, there is more to the story that I did not say- during our visit, we had a discussion about church and spirituality. She has been going to church weekly, and said she has been getting a lot out of it (she has always been spiritual, and seems to be much more now). She mentioned a touching video she saw a few weeks ago that brought tears to her eyes. We have always shared things like this during the good times of relationship (gifts for the day- Hazeldon, sappy internet emails, etc.) Part of the breaking of no contact was because she needed some legal and tax docs for her rental property which she thought were on her computer, but were actually on mine. I forwarded her the docs, and she responded back with a thank you, and also a link with the "This is the video I mentioned." Seriously, no malicious intent, no hidden meaning, no manipulation, etc. There are no brakes to be applied, as nothing is moving in that direction.

Another thing I didn't mention, which seems to be a huge red flag for some here (a lot more than to me), is additional information surrounding the tattoo. The tattoo it is not as unexpected as one would think.

The serenity prayer has been in our house for the past 13 years. The kids know it- they used to say it as part of their prayers before bed from a very early age. It was on a plaque in one room in our house. I used to think it was BS, and wasn't really comfortable with it (I viewed it as her recovery/her crap). Once I got into recovery, I saw its value, and understand its words. During some of my most difficult times earlier in the year, I would often recite it in my head as a mantra to help ground me during "crazy thinking."

Its not like she learned it last week. She has been *trying* to recover for over a decade. But she has not been able to. So for me, the content of the tattoo is not that much of a surprise. The big surprise is the location- she now has a very visible tattoo (back of right shoulder) which will, lets face it, lead to all sorts of societal judgment- sober or not.

Sorry if I sound defensive. Am not! (joking )
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Old 07-16-2013, 01:04 PM
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To hell with societal judgment. I'm fully sleeved. I wear a suit every day, make very good money and my 4 year old son goes to a private Montessori school.
So yeah, to hell with societal judgment.
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Old 07-16-2013, 02:15 PM
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I apologize Shell- my wording didn't exactly express what I was thinking.

What I meant to say is-

She now has a very visible tattoo which screams 'I am an alcoholic,' which will, lets face it, lead to all sorts of societal judgment- sober or not.
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Old 07-16-2013, 02:52 PM
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She now has a very visible tattoo which screams 'I am an alcoholic,' which will, lets face it, lead to all sorts of societal judgment- sober or not.
Well, I suppose that is Truth in Advertising.

She aint so cool to have hanging on your arm at the Christmas Office Party, anymore, huh?

so as far as that Truth -- you good with that?

[nag] whatcha doing for you? [/nag]
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Old 07-16-2013, 03:46 PM
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Hi Crazed,

Like I said, the location of the tattoo seems significant to me, in a good way, like she no longer feels the need to hide who she is. Surely this is one of the most important steps in recovery.

I am sorry if I put you in a position to defend yourself. And I really believe if you two give each other some space to recover you can both have a beautiful future, apart or together.

Thanks for your understanding..
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Old 07-16-2013, 05:16 PM
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I liked the video very much. Thank you. I think the whole point of the thing is that all of us have the power to be the best version of ourselves. Not a bad message...
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