Progress (and how it all began)
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Join Date: Jun 2010
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Progress (and how it all began)
I have not posted on here for quite some time (a year at least). So, I finally accepted that my husband is an alcoholic and that I am his codependent. I have also started focusing more on myself than on our relationship, and I think that there was a significant progress in that respect. I do not feel devastated anymore when my husband does this or does not do that. It is not like I do not care about him, or do not love him. It just seems like my love has reached a new maturity level. I can see that there are options, that there is life, and that life is beautiful. At moments, it seems as if I left my old body and can see us doing things together in the past. And then, I can see my mistakes, but I also know I did not know any better then. I was young, naive, and inexperienced and believed in romantic love.
When my mother died (she had cancer for 9 years, and I was 13 when she got it), my family fell apart. She was the link holding us all together. She was an incredibly strong woman, but she was also very very strict. My father was a great man (no substance abuse in my family), supportive, but somehow always overshadowed by my mom's personality. Also, I never dated during my teen years (but, yes, I could fall in love, no problem). So, when mom died, the strings got cut. My father started acting like a schoolboy dating many many ladies (other family members said that he was acting as if "unleashed,") and I was hurt and confused. My sister was 15 at the time. So, why I am writing this? Well, this is where my codependent tendencies started. I was dreaming of having a family and thought that having a man would for some ungodly reason solve all my problems. Yes, now I know I was wrong.
So, who am I today and where am I going? I do believe than I am in a better position than before (rebuilding my career, enjoying physical activity, and pampering myself and making myself beautiful) meaning that I am aware that alcoholism is my husband's problem. I also think that he saw this change in me, the change from whiny little girl to a woman who can say "whatever" and simply walk away.
When my mother died (she had cancer for 9 years, and I was 13 when she got it), my family fell apart. She was the link holding us all together. She was an incredibly strong woman, but she was also very very strict. My father was a great man (no substance abuse in my family), supportive, but somehow always overshadowed by my mom's personality. Also, I never dated during my teen years (but, yes, I could fall in love, no problem). So, when mom died, the strings got cut. My father started acting like a schoolboy dating many many ladies (other family members said that he was acting as if "unleashed,") and I was hurt and confused. My sister was 15 at the time. So, why I am writing this? Well, this is where my codependent tendencies started. I was dreaming of having a family and thought that having a man would for some ungodly reason solve all my problems. Yes, now I know I was wrong.
So, who am I today and where am I going? I do believe than I am in a better position than before (rebuilding my career, enjoying physical activity, and pampering myself and making myself beautiful) meaning that I am aware that alcoholism is my husband's problem. I also think that he saw this change in me, the change from whiny little girl to a woman who can say "whatever" and simply walk away.
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