I have made a choice
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Thread Starter
Join Date: May 2004
Location: out there some where
Posts: 35
I have made a choice
Hi, all
I have decided to try to stick it out for a little while at least give it 6-8 months, even tho hes still drinking. last night he got torn up turned very pale then passed out on the couch,burnt a pizza in the oven.I am hoping with some support he will get some kind of help, I have talked him into getting a physical even tho we fought about it,I finally said to him,fine do what you think is right but,your eyes arent suppose to be that color! They have a light yellow color to them. He has an appoinment on June 18 so Im hoping the Dr lays it out for him.that is if its not to late. I did tell him straight up!! you get another DUI I will be leaving,Im done, I wont go through that again, and yes he still drinks and drives almost daily. My friend told me something that helps me he said" inagine yourself where you would like to be,then act like you are there" I am having a problem with this detaching. I am having a difficuilt time deciding what I should detach from, so I have detached from everything. I have dreams and hopes I want him to come along too but thats not looking too promising,
Everything must be his way, I am really sad I have had a garden for the last 10yrs,this past summer I had hand surgery on both hands and was unable to pull weeds and stuff. Now I look out my window and there is nothing there, the fence was taken down, it was tilled under and grass planted cuz he didnt like it, now today he wants to sell my tiller, I told him no,I might not get to have a garden here but I will have one somewhere so I wont sell it, I know its a silly thing but its just one of many, and things I do or anything I have is crap and unimportant in his eyes.
by the way I would like to know how I get to have an Icon by my name I reakky like Moot's head banging on the desk, I feel like that all the time, sorry this is so long,its just nice to vent
Thanks Debbie
I have decided to try to stick it out for a little while at least give it 6-8 months, even tho hes still drinking. last night he got torn up turned very pale then passed out on the couch,burnt a pizza in the oven.I am hoping with some support he will get some kind of help, I have talked him into getting a physical even tho we fought about it,I finally said to him,fine do what you think is right but,your eyes arent suppose to be that color! They have a light yellow color to them. He has an appoinment on June 18 so Im hoping the Dr lays it out for him.that is if its not to late. I did tell him straight up!! you get another DUI I will be leaving,Im done, I wont go through that again, and yes he still drinks and drives almost daily. My friend told me something that helps me he said" inagine yourself where you would like to be,then act like you are there" I am having a problem with this detaching. I am having a difficuilt time deciding what I should detach from, so I have detached from everything. I have dreams and hopes I want him to come along too but thats not looking too promising,
Everything must be his way, I am really sad I have had a garden for the last 10yrs,this past summer I had hand surgery on both hands and was unable to pull weeds and stuff. Now I look out my window and there is nothing there, the fence was taken down, it was tilled under and grass planted cuz he didnt like it, now today he wants to sell my tiller, I told him no,I might not get to have a garden here but I will have one somewhere so I wont sell it, I know its a silly thing but its just one of many, and things I do or anything I have is crap and unimportant in his eyes.
by the way I would like to know how I get to have an Icon by my name I reakky like Moot's head banging on the desk, I feel like that all the time, sorry this is so long,its just nice to vent
Thanks Debbie
Member
Join Date: Jan 2003
Posts: 4,955
Originally Posted by stressedout
" imagine yourself where you would like to be,then act like you are there"
The little picture by your name is called an avatar. Ann is the avatar Queen, she will be along shortly to help.
Gabe
Hopefully Healing Up
Join Date: Apr 2004
Location: Sober, Forever
Posts: 511
Originally Posted by stressedout
I have talked him into getting a physical even tho we fought about it,I finally said to him,fine do what you think is right but,your eyes arent suppose to be that color! They have a light yellow color to them.
Hugs and Prayers,
Roy
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: May 2004
Location: out there some where
Posts: 35
Thanks all,
Cant wait to see what Ann hooks me up with,its almost like christmas!
I had thought about going with him to the Dr. and let him know what hes doing. I dont believe he will. He will have to have a blood test for his lipitor, He has never been honest with the Dr's about the amount he drinks. When he had his heart attack in 95 they put a stent in and told him more than 1-2 beers a day would be excessive, well, after he got off the blood thinners,he didnt drink for 2months. He started drinking about 15+ daily 16oz drafts then on fri & SAt it would be nothing for him to down 25-30 each day that is 27.5 + gallons a week!!! plus several shots all this on top of blood pressure meds and 20mg of lipitor which is not a liver friendly drug anyway.and he never has to pee. When I dropped the bomb about a month ago he did slow down but hes slowly getting back to the same old crap. his liver test have all come back ok so far, I did post on webMD and they did tell me that sometimes your liver can get damaged and never have a chance to release anything that would send up a red flag. I do not want to watch him die of liver desease. thenks everyone for your info, it helps me so much, I just hope one day Ill beable to return the favor to someone else Thanks for listening Debbie
Cant wait to see what Ann hooks me up with,its almost like christmas!
I had thought about going with him to the Dr. and let him know what hes doing. I dont believe he will. He will have to have a blood test for his lipitor, He has never been honest with the Dr's about the amount he drinks. When he had his heart attack in 95 they put a stent in and told him more than 1-2 beers a day would be excessive, well, after he got off the blood thinners,he didnt drink for 2months. He started drinking about 15+ daily 16oz drafts then on fri & SAt it would be nothing for him to down 25-30 each day that is 27.5 + gallons a week!!! plus several shots all this on top of blood pressure meds and 20mg of lipitor which is not a liver friendly drug anyway.and he never has to pee. When I dropped the bomb about a month ago he did slow down but hes slowly getting back to the same old crap. his liver test have all come back ok so far, I did post on webMD and they did tell me that sometimes your liver can get damaged and never have a chance to release anything that would send up a red flag. I do not want to watch him die of liver desease. thenks everyone for your info, it helps me so much, I just hope one day Ill beable to return the favor to someone else Thanks for listening Debbie
Member
Join Date: Apr 2004
Location: Star's Hollow
Posts: 615
I told my H that he could go to the doctor or I could increase his life insurance - his choice. He went but told the doc that he drank about a 6-pack a day - HA! I suppose it depends on the doctor but I'm sure he'll figure it out. Of course, they know too that there is nothing they can do if he doesn't want to get help.
Love your new avatar - Ann IS the queen.
L
Love your new avatar - Ann IS the queen.
L
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: May 2004
Location: out there some where
Posts: 35
I will have to agree,Ann is Queen,she couldnt have picked a better one,its almost as if she's sitting here looking at me!
I think Ill but out of the Dr thing I dont need more worry,besides he needs to deal with it
Thanks All God Bless all of you
Debbie
I think Ill but out of the Dr thing I dont need more worry,besides he needs to deal with it
Thanks All God Bless all of you
Debbie
Member
Join Date: Nov 2002
Location: Ayer's Cliff, Quebec
Posts: 803
Stressedout,
Even if he isn't honest with the doctor about his drinking the yellow eyes will say it all.
Hopefully the doctor will spell it out, that with abstinence his liver will heal itself now but if no abstinence the jaundice will develop into cirrhosis of the liver and the liver will not be able to regenerate itself.
Ngaire
Even if he isn't honest with the doctor about his drinking the yellow eyes will say it all.
Hopefully the doctor will spell it out, that with abstinence his liver will heal itself now but if no abstinence the jaundice will develop into cirrhosis of the liver and the liver will not be able to regenerate itself.
Ngaire
Member
Join Date: Apr 2004
Location: black diamond WA
Posts: 203
okay, debbie, you inspired me.... for many reasons, but for one, I, too have "put in" for a surprise avatar. It's kind of like having a makeover.... I can't wait to see the new me. I love your's! Hang in there.
Pam
Pam
KingsWeaver, We Are One
Join Date: May 2004
Location: In tryinagain's heart
Posts: 103
My prayers are with you
I wish you all the best, hang in there! My husband has finally made the decision to get help with his problems and that has made me so happy. I can understand what you are going through, he has never gotten a dui before, thank God for that. It has been a really rough road for us too, but with a lot of love and patience I know that we will get through this. I think that is a man thing to not be honest with the doctor, mine never really tells them the whole truth, until now. Now he wants to get help, I look at it as baby steps, one thing at a time.
I wish you all the best, take care of you
I wish you all the best, take care of you
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: May 2004
Location: out there some where
Posts: 35
Good Morning to All,
Today is a beautiful Day!!! cuz Im still sucking air, Ive met some wonderful people to talk to (all of you!) I cant believe how much better I feel just not worring about my A. even tho I have only been coming here a very short time I feel I have learned so much from all of you.just the fact that I know Im not alone. Im only begining to face my involvement in all of this, drawing boundries would do me no good, I think the only one I have made is if he gets another DUI I will call it quits. I also know the only way hes going to quit is when his health is in trouble,because right now he feels like he has it under control. He still functions pretty good,mostly the only time he will miss work is on Mondays after a sporting event on sunday. I posted on WebMD to try to learn a little bit more about his health issues and the Mother of a 7yr old child that had died of liver desease cuz she couldnt get a liver in time.must live with the loss of her child and the anger. She sees all these people throwing their lives away, and she just didnt understand. to me that was very sad.
Right now Im just very angry at him. Im not sure I want to invest alot of emotional suport,but I do feel that something is going to give him a "light bulb moment" and Im going to try to be there when that happens. I just hope its not too late. I keep hoping that one day I will be back on the top of his list but till then I know Im the top on mine and my life is good.
they must complete their cycle before they can move on,
Just a thought, I am wondering, I am a firm believer in "status" in the animal kingdom,even tho socity has made us equal I feel we still follow the basic rules of nature passed down from generations of people, Do you feel this plays a role in the "A"s and the co-dependents ideals,attitudes and recovery sucess? The reason I ask is because I have a friend who is with a recovering crack head. My observation, He seems to have a lot more control over the situation being a man than I have as a woman married to an A just a little something to think about and feel free to coment.
McTired I like your avatar its very cute. I hope to become a proactive part of this site.its really a wonderful place God bless everyone and give us all the strenght to face our foe
sometimes your the bug,sometimes your the windshield!! today Im the windshield and it feels good
Hugs to all and keep the faith
Debbie
Today is a beautiful Day!!! cuz Im still sucking air, Ive met some wonderful people to talk to (all of you!) I cant believe how much better I feel just not worring about my A. even tho I have only been coming here a very short time I feel I have learned so much from all of you.just the fact that I know Im not alone. Im only begining to face my involvement in all of this, drawing boundries would do me no good, I think the only one I have made is if he gets another DUI I will call it quits. I also know the only way hes going to quit is when his health is in trouble,because right now he feels like he has it under control. He still functions pretty good,mostly the only time he will miss work is on Mondays after a sporting event on sunday. I posted on WebMD to try to learn a little bit more about his health issues and the Mother of a 7yr old child that had died of liver desease cuz she couldnt get a liver in time.must live with the loss of her child and the anger. She sees all these people throwing their lives away, and she just didnt understand. to me that was very sad.
Right now Im just very angry at him. Im not sure I want to invest alot of emotional suport,but I do feel that something is going to give him a "light bulb moment" and Im going to try to be there when that happens. I just hope its not too late. I keep hoping that one day I will be back on the top of his list but till then I know Im the top on mine and my life is good.
they must complete their cycle before they can move on,
Just a thought, I am wondering, I am a firm believer in "status" in the animal kingdom,even tho socity has made us equal I feel we still follow the basic rules of nature passed down from generations of people, Do you feel this plays a role in the "A"s and the co-dependents ideals,attitudes and recovery sucess? The reason I ask is because I have a friend who is with a recovering crack head. My observation, He seems to have a lot more control over the situation being a man than I have as a woman married to an A just a little something to think about and feel free to coment.
McTired I like your avatar its very cute. I hope to become a proactive part of this site.its really a wonderful place God bless everyone and give us all the strenght to face our foe
sometimes your the bug,sometimes your the windshield!! today Im the windshield and it feels good
Hugs to all and keep the faith
Debbie
KingsWeaver, We Are One
Join Date: May 2004
Location: In tryinagain's heart
Posts: 103
Glad to see you up!
Hiya Debbie,
Sucking air is a good thing, and yes there are a lot of wonderful people on this site. You are doing the right thing, take care of you he will decide when it is time to give up the drinking. If you push him he will just view it as a control thing and probably drink even more.
I hope you are back on top of his list too one day, but for now put you on top of your list. I don't really know to much about the animal kindom thing, my husband (tryinagain) probably would though, he is in to that kind of stuff more than me. He is what you call the logical one, at least that what he says!
Anyway, take care and hugs to you!
Sucking air is a good thing, and yes there are a lot of wonderful people on this site. You are doing the right thing, take care of you he will decide when it is time to give up the drinking. If you push him he will just view it as a control thing and probably drink even more.
I hope you are back on top of his list too one day, but for now put you on top of your list. I don't really know to much about the animal kindom thing, my husband (tryinagain) probably would though, he is in to that kind of stuff more than me. He is what you call the logical one, at least that what he says!
Anyway, take care and hugs to you!
Last edited by Weasel4IR; 05-23-2004 at 11:19 AM. Reason: forgot word in title
Member
Join Date: May 2004
Location: over yonder
Posts: 1,548
To Stressed Out
Men need control. Men are born problem solvers. Try telling him you are upset with neighbor just cause you want to discuss it. They will want to go punch the guy.
Men never want to discuss things. (There are exceptions to every thing tho of course)
Mention a prob at work, He tells you , to quit. Problem solved.
I love men, but have read every book I could find on the male brain etc.
Now let me say what I think I see. Whoever loves the most is controlled.. Sometimes it is a male that loves a female more , so she is in controll.
This just my take on controll. I am not critizing males, male and female diff.
Take Care, We here all care. Clancy46
Men need control. Men are born problem solvers. Try telling him you are upset with neighbor just cause you want to discuss it. They will want to go punch the guy.
Men never want to discuss things. (There are exceptions to every thing tho of course)
Mention a prob at work, He tells you , to quit. Problem solved.
I love men, but have read every book I could find on the male brain etc.
Now let me say what I think I see. Whoever loves the most is controlled.. Sometimes it is a male that loves a female more , so she is in controll.
This just my take on controll. I am not critizing males, male and female diff.
Take Care, We here all care. Clancy46
KingsWeaver, We Are One
Join Date: May 2004
Location: In tryinagain's heart
Posts: 103
Where Ya At!!
Hey Debbie,
Where ya at these days? Check in with us once in a while, I just need to know that you are doing alright!
Hope things are looking up for you!
Hugs & Prayers
Where ya at these days? Check in with us once in a while, I just need to know that you are doing alright!
Hope things are looking up for you!
Hugs & Prayers
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: May 2004
Location: out there some where
Posts: 35
Hi,everyone,
sorry I havent been on lately but I have to hide my sheet of passwords so he wouldnt find it, and guess what neither could I LOL!!! Well its 2am I just got home from work,boy what a night I feel like I'd been drug through a knot hole backwards. I have forgotten how many places you can hurt at! The A must have had a rough night Hes snoring real bad so hes been drinking. I can never tell if hes alive sometimes he has sleep apena so bad. its real bad when he drinks, Im so afraid Ill wake up next to a dead person I now sleep in the basement. hes not to happy with that,oh well.its not like hes getting anything anyway!!! rule #1 alcohol=no sex the way the police are in this town as long as I keep working at night hes going to get another DUI I guess he doesnt believe me when I said he gets another that is the end. he just keeps drinking and driving, I just pray real hard that no one else gets hurt. that would be very hard for me to deal with . Im just lucky he doesnt have far to go only about 1 mile.Im really geting tired so Ill chat again later Everyone have a very safe and happy holiday,be careful on the roads
Prayers are with you all
Hugs Debbie
sorry I havent been on lately but I have to hide my sheet of passwords so he wouldnt find it, and guess what neither could I LOL!!! Well its 2am I just got home from work,boy what a night I feel like I'd been drug through a knot hole backwards. I have forgotten how many places you can hurt at! The A must have had a rough night Hes snoring real bad so hes been drinking. I can never tell if hes alive sometimes he has sleep apena so bad. its real bad when he drinks, Im so afraid Ill wake up next to a dead person I now sleep in the basement. hes not to happy with that,oh well.its not like hes getting anything anyway!!! rule #1 alcohol=no sex the way the police are in this town as long as I keep working at night hes going to get another DUI I guess he doesnt believe me when I said he gets another that is the end. he just keeps drinking and driving, I just pray real hard that no one else gets hurt. that would be very hard for me to deal with . Im just lucky he doesnt have far to go only about 1 mile.Im really geting tired so Ill chat again later Everyone have a very safe and happy holiday,be careful on the roads
Prayers are with you all
Hugs Debbie
Paused
Join Date: Apr 2004
Location: New Castle Pa
Posts: 67
I LOVE THIS THREAD
I want to start by saying good luck to stressed out, It is not easy making a decision whne you are being forced to make one that you do not want to.
MY A is my husband as well and I have been threatening for a long time everything I can think of to threaten I have.
I have also made a choice but mine is to leave, I have done all i can do for this man and it is so sad. He went on a bing about 2 months ago and threatened his own life, " I " Took him to the DR and he had him commited to a mental hospital for evaluation he signed himself out after 1 night. He came home and promised to stop, I stayed trying to support him needless to say It last 2 days. after weeks of horriable fighting and emotional exhaustion he went into rehab not willingly, and again signed himself out after 1 day. His excuse " He could not stay locked up" " if he could just detox at home where he can walk around and go outside he will be fine" so again I decided to stay and help him.... The DR of which has done so much to help him decided also he wanted to try one more thing..... He put him on 2 mil of ativan every 2 hours this week, I have moved heaven and earth to make it comfortable for him, made sure he had cigs, food,drinks,candy,checked his BP every 4 hours, cooked,ran because he could not drive. plus I have 4 kids 2 that works and one I have to take to work and back, one playing baseball, I have worn myself out not to mention I am on disability and am not healthy myself.
I have attened meetings with my AH because he is never honets about how many he drinks. he was drinking up to 24 a day. his blood level was 3.1 in the ER.
SO we catch my AH drinking while taking this medicine, he had blood work and it came back 2.0 he drank 10 yesterday I HAVE NO IDEA WHERE HE IS GETTIN IT OR KEPPING IT!"
I had to take his medicine away because he continued to drink on it.
I have learned no matter how much I help, if he does not help himself it wont work. I have stayed because I was not ready to give up on my dreams of my family. I to had a hard time detatching and did not know how I detatched from everything as well and that did not work either.
Not all situations are hopeless and I pray for you and wish you luck. I feel sad for my AH he is in a dark place that noone can bring him out of. He is a wonderful man with a great heart and I wish him the best. but I have to find my best as well.
HUGS
ANN I WANT A AVIATOR TOO!
I think thats great to have a surprise
I want to start by saying good luck to stressed out, It is not easy making a decision whne you are being forced to make one that you do not want to.
MY A is my husband as well and I have been threatening for a long time everything I can think of to threaten I have.
I have also made a choice but mine is to leave, I have done all i can do for this man and it is so sad. He went on a bing about 2 months ago and threatened his own life, " I " Took him to the DR and he had him commited to a mental hospital for evaluation he signed himself out after 1 night. He came home and promised to stop, I stayed trying to support him needless to say It last 2 days. after weeks of horriable fighting and emotional exhaustion he went into rehab not willingly, and again signed himself out after 1 day. His excuse " He could not stay locked up" " if he could just detox at home where he can walk around and go outside he will be fine" so again I decided to stay and help him.... The DR of which has done so much to help him decided also he wanted to try one more thing..... He put him on 2 mil of ativan every 2 hours this week, I have moved heaven and earth to make it comfortable for him, made sure he had cigs, food,drinks,candy,checked his BP every 4 hours, cooked,ran because he could not drive. plus I have 4 kids 2 that works and one I have to take to work and back, one playing baseball, I have worn myself out not to mention I am on disability and am not healthy myself.
I have attened meetings with my AH because he is never honets about how many he drinks. he was drinking up to 24 a day. his blood level was 3.1 in the ER.
SO we catch my AH drinking while taking this medicine, he had blood work and it came back 2.0 he drank 10 yesterday I HAVE NO IDEA WHERE HE IS GETTIN IT OR KEPPING IT!"
I had to take his medicine away because he continued to drink on it.
I have learned no matter how much I help, if he does not help himself it wont work. I have stayed because I was not ready to give up on my dreams of my family. I to had a hard time detatching and did not know how I detatched from everything as well and that did not work either.
Not all situations are hopeless and I pray for you and wish you luck. I feel sad for my AH he is in a dark place that noone can bring him out of. He is a wonderful man with a great heart and I wish him the best. but I have to find my best as well.
HUGS
ANN I WANT A AVIATOR TOO!
I think thats great to have a surprise
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