Ripper

Firebolt, you've just accomplished what I am preparing to do. I could basically cut and paste the first paragraph of you post...only difference is that I am unhappy, not just beginning to be unhappy. I've been so unhappy for a few years. I let it go on for too long, hoping he'd `see the light` and realize what he's got to loose: a GF of over 16 years and two great boys....It just dawned on me that he won't see the light and he won't make a move unless I push. So I'm going to push. Thank you for your strength.

LexieCat

Just don't be TOO shocked and crushed if pushing does absolutely nothing in terms of his "making a move." Even though it's true that making life comfy for an alcoholic is a form of enabling (why should anyone change if they are constantly protected?), leaving most often doesn't change anything about their drinking, either. What leaving does is get us OUT of the chaos. Occasionally an alcoholic will actually respond by getting sober when that happens, but certainly nothing you can remotely count on.

bobbysocks

Good for you firebolt!!! Hang in there!

firebolt

Yeah I had some hope hed see the light from my push...but I really don't think he gives a rats a$s. This isn't a normal healthy relationship where someone says lets work this through and try to find a happy compromise or my god ill do anything to make you happy again. This is an alcoholic relationship. We arent talking, hes peaced out on the couch with his beloved drink and video game, im locked in a spare room reading Drinking, a Love Affair so I can try to understand how he can let me go so carelessly without driving myself mad. I really think hes happy hell be able to drink as much as he wants in peace now.

Argnotthisagain

Ah firebolt! I'm so sorry....when things fall apart, and you lose your dream, it's about one of the saddest, hardest things ever.

I admire your strength in how you spoke up so clearly!
Of course, the hard part is living the new reality, dealing with *everything*. I'm sure that's why so many of us hang on and on and on. Because the road back up is a bumpy ride, as Bette Davis once said.

I think it's very very good that you're already looking at what you WANT to be doing, realizing you haven't been able to do those things with the A. That's looking forward to your new and happier life; I think that will help you. (Speaking of myself, I keep seeing the future as a vast plain of misery. Makes it much harder to move towards a brighter vision. I'm going to need to work on some positive ideas like you have.)

Grief sucks, no doubt about it....but you did a strong healthy thing!!