Signs of Co-Dependent Behaviour........
Member
Join Date: May 2013
Posts: 179
The thing I'm working on now, and struggling with, is not adjusting so much to the "temperature" of the people around me. If someone is agitated near me, I don't have to pick up on that, try to figure out why, and try to offer something to address what is agitating them. This is new to me.
Member
Join Date: Jun 2013
Posts: 199
Springs, what you say takes my breath away. I not only do what you're saying all the time, for a long time I though this was a "strength" as a manager in my work, and in personal relationships. I am realizing that all these times I thought I was healing or helping things, it was sooooooo often at my own cost.
Gulp.
Gulp.
Member
Join Date: Jun 2013
Posts: 340
In my college years I learned to not be co-dependent with friends, people, classmates etc. But those lessons didn't translate to romantic relationships.
For example I texted a friend today, went something like this.
me-hi
her-I hate my job
me-how come?
her-my boss stresses me out
me-well at least it's Friday
I didn't press on and try to find out why, etc. But if it had been my xagf I would have had a 30 min discussion about it where I offered suggestions, advice and support.
For example I texted a friend today, went something like this.
me-hi
her-I hate my job
me-how come?
her-my boss stresses me out
me-well at least it's Friday
I didn't press on and try to find out why, etc. But if it had been my xagf I would have had a 30 min discussion about it where I offered suggestions, advice and support.
Member
Join Date: Jun 2013
Location: USA
Posts: 70
Just got back from a great night out with some friends, and had a sign that happened to me tonight. Have to laugh at myself.
When a friend is describing a first date that won't get a second date because of obvious drug and alcohol problems...and my thought was "ohhhh. He sounds interesting!". That's why my therapist says I'm not allowed to date .
When a friend is describing a first date that won't get a second date because of obvious drug and alcohol problems...and my thought was "ohhhh. He sounds interesting!". That's why my therapist says I'm not allowed to date .
Member
Join Date: Jun 2013
Posts: 199
ZenMe,
I really like that. I think with friends is where I'm best at this. Those are honest, healthy relationships and the people I've built and invested with, well, we all bring out and nurture more honest healthy behaviors. That wasn't always true, but feels true much more often than not now. And with any new people in my life, I'm good at this too. And even with family, i canr belive its true but ive otten to a damn goos place so mich more often than not. It's in 2 places -- love and work -- that are hardest for me. Maybe because there is sooooo much tied up in my own value in both? My own fear of inadequacy, unlovebleness, even though most of the time i thibk im past all that but it creeps back in in these excessive caretaking behaviors. I'm going to ruminate on that.
Thank you.
I really like that. I think with friends is where I'm best at this. Those are honest, healthy relationships and the people I've built and invested with, well, we all bring out and nurture more honest healthy behaviors. That wasn't always true, but feels true much more often than not now. And with any new people in my life, I'm good at this too. And even with family, i canr belive its true but ive otten to a damn goos place so mich more often than not. It's in 2 places -- love and work -- that are hardest for me. Maybe because there is sooooo much tied up in my own value in both? My own fear of inadequacy, unlovebleness, even though most of the time i thibk im past all that but it creeps back in in these excessive caretaking behaviors. I'm going to ruminate on that.
Thank you.
Member
Join Date: Jun 2013
Posts: 340
Originally Posted by Brokentapestry 
Just got back from a great night out with some friends, and had a sign that happened to me tonight. Have to laugh at myself.
When a friend is describing a first date that won't get a second date because of obvious drug and alcohol problems...and my thought was "ohhhh. He sounds interesting!". That's why my therapist says I'm not allowed to date .
When a friend is describing a first date that won't get a second date because of obvious drug and alcohol problems...and my thought was "ohhhh. He sounds interesting!". That's why my therapist says I'm not allowed to date .
Member
Join Date: Jan 2012
Location: North Carolina
Posts: 50
My AH DIED in November while we were in process of divorce and today I found myself wondering if he was OK where he was whether it was heaven or hell. That HAS to be co-dependent. Gotta laugh at it.
Member
Join Date: Jul 2013
Posts: 73
Originally Posted by zenme
i'm going to take this one step further. If your well-being, the way you are feeling that day and actions depend on what the other person is doing, when they will be home, go out, do whatever...that's another sign.
Member
Join Date: Mar 2013
Location: Midwest
Posts: 11,481
Originally Posted by Brokentapestry
For me it is about control. If I'm trying to control how someone else feels through my actions, then that is being co-dependent. I can usually spot when I'm trying to control how someone acts. But manipulating feelings is sneakier, and so I don't always recognize it.
I am appalled at myself, actually. Thanks for pointing this out, Broken; I never thought about it that way.
Again, yipes, $hit and F. Holy carpfish. Thank you.
Member
Join Date: Feb 2013
Location: somewhere south
Posts: 510
For me, it's putting other people's needs ahead of my own most of the time. I am slowly working on this and learning to put myself and my needs first. And, not speaking up when it benefits me because I am afraid of the other persons reaction and then I harbor all the resentment from it.
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