Rae007

I'm new to this site and am hoping someone can share their experiences. my husband is coming home from rehab (Salvation Army Adult Rehabilitation 4moth Alcoholism) for the first time and while I love and adore my husband I am so completely nervous, worried about his return. did anyone else feel this way? I'm afraid he will start to hang out with same people. What rules should I set? What kind of boundaries to I set? I don't want to be negative.

HopefulmomtoD

It is scary when they return and some (many?) relapse. Best is to focus on YOU. What will you tolerate? Make them "I" rules, such as: I won't live with an alcoholic who is actively drinking. Or, I won't live with someone who is not actively working his recovery, going to meetings, working with a sponsor, etc.

Set your boundaries for your life. You can not control whether or not he drinks again. Alanon could help with this if you don't already go.

BoxinRotz

Don't hold your breath on his recovery. I've done it so many times n came out gasping for air, almost dead because Ibelieved this was it. Take this first year ( yes I said year) and focus on YOU. If he can pull a year of sobriety, then I would start putting faith in him that maybe, just maybe you two will be okay. If not you have 2 choices. #1 is to get off the ride n #2 is to stay n try again until he's ready.

He will NOT do it for you, the kids, his job, the dog/cat, or his mom. He has to do it for HIM!

dandylion

Rae007, the first year of recovery can be a very bumpy ride. It has been difficult for me with my adult on who lives several states away!!

You can expect that his moods may be all over the place and you will need some outside support for almost sure. Fighting and engaging with him will make it worse.

You have no control over what he is going to be like or how he will work his program of recovery (or not). It is vital that you decide what your boundaries (limits) are. Both of you are going to need space to stay disentangled with each other's crap (lol). Alanon will provide you with this. You can learn many tools for helping yourself during this time.

I suggest that you take advantage of the wealth of information on this site. You m ight start with the "Stickies" at the top of this main page. There is so much to learn!

dandylion

wolfpackfan45

Don't expect everything to be great right off the bat. Recovery is a lifelong process and noticeable changes will come in baby steps. Don't walk on eggshells, and remember that his recovery is his business, not yours. don't nag and ask about meetings, etc. That's his responsibilty, not yours. You work on YOU. Take it one day at a time.

Catherine628

Someone told me don't expect immediate contented sobriety. Those expectations were a killer for me. It helps to focus on you. Find new interests, connect with friends, find support for yourself.

Good luck to you.