When you stop eating and bathing....
 

Oh man. I'm watching some sort of wife swap show with the AH. Happens to be an episode dealing with severe compulsion. This family spend 8-10 hours a day playing sweepstakes. The parents are obsessed. OBSESSED!

I was intrigued right away because I knew it would be interesting to watch with the AH.

The swapped wife dragged the husband to a counselor who said he very likely had a compulsion and a problem.

Of course the husband denied it. Then he said,"If you stop bathing or eating, then it's a problem."

"Hear that, honey? It's a problem when you stop bathing and eating."

"I bathe."

"Occasionally."

"I eat."

"Eventually." (Wouldn't want to interfere with getting his drunk on...he'll eat right before he goes to bed, sometimes he passes out before he even eats.)

So... what are some things that you notice that support the fact that your loved one is an alcoholic that they deny? Or what were some of the things you did while active that you look back on and think,"Oy!"?

When I was using, I wouldn't even think twice about heavy drug and alcohol use and driving.

It's only a miracle that I and some of my running buddies never got a DUI or hurt or killed ourselves or someone else.

Funny thing, I only picked up tickets and was involved in crashes after I was long C & S and riding sportbikes.

Mine sleeps all day. 12 hours at a time. He repeats the same sentence over and over and when I rephrase it back to him as a question he carrys on like he didn't just do that. Then Denys it when I point it out.

Total memory loss. We'd have a lengthy conversation. He wouldn't seem drunk at all. Then the next day, he wouldn't remember any of it, but he wouldn't admit it. If I pressed him on it, he'd get furious and leave.

Dreams, the memory loss astounds me now. Times when he didn't seem anywhere near drunk and I hadn't even imagined or noticed him drinking, we'd have conversations he wouldn't remember at all later. Either I was just completely fooled and he was drinking then and more gone than he showed, or the memory loss has such extensive reach that he lost memories from more sober-ish times too. I'm really stunned thinking about it now, it was something to behold.

I watched "reality shows." :)

Sadie,
Same EXACT situation with my ex. I do not have an explanation for it but wish I did. I think I heard something about alkies having memory loss even when they are sober. If it's true, it has to be something that happens either mid or late stage. It's just plain scary.

lol!!

Same. Things like this made me shutdown my conversations and go into mundane things like "oh, hi, cool, ok, great, wow, uh huh" as she blabbed about whatever, of course never really asking about me. Once in a blue moon when she would gasp for air she would ask me about something really important going on in my life and then keep blabbering.

I used to actually put thought and listen to her before I noticed the memory loss/lack of empathy part.

The horror!

;)

Yeah, mine's got a great memory too.

Yeah, that steel trap memory of theirs...

I got the phone call about my friend's fathers death (he had been sick for a while) with him in the room. He was in the room when I burst into tears on the phone. I spent the next hour pouring my heart to him about about this amazing man that had been there with me through some tough times, and was now gone. Yeah, he was interrupting me the whole time, and his eyes were playing tug o war with eachother....I should have known, but I was upset and disregarded the obvious...

Two days later, he asked me "if he had died yet?"

One of those "I need to change my life" lightbulb moments for me. I really hope theres only a couple more of those before I ACTUALLY do it.

Wow, just wow. I don't know if I could have maintained my calm in that moment. ********{HUGS}}}}}

I think the greatest loss my AH has sufferred is his internal compass, or whatever it is that tells us "Don't say that." "Decent people don't x/y/z" "Be careful with other people's belongings." "It's dangerous to go up and down the stairs with a BAC of .30 or greater" "Remain clothed when outside of the house" "I want to be interested in what others think is important and remain involved in their lives." It's really bad when the drinking makes someone break their OWN rules.

My STBXAH did the not eating thing. He is 6'3" and he was skinny as a rail when I left. He would only ever eat dinner and only if I had it on a plate for him. I guess he didn't want to cut into his buzz. Smoked like a chimney.

He had issues with the whole "thinking" thing also. I can't believe how many times I was accused of making things up when I reminded him of conversations we had. He actually had me thinking something was wrong with me and not him, he was so sure of himself that it didn't happen.

In court because he constantly says things in court documents I can disprove with either emails for texts he sent to me. The sad thing is I don't think he is lying, I think he really believes what he is saying because his brain just fills in black holes he has in there.

Ewwwww,
4MyBoys

The hypocrisy, OMG. He would judge, point fingers, loudly verbalize how this or that was unacceptable behavior, this one or that one's priorities were all effed up etc... all the while exhibiting or tolerating the exact same behavior himself.

You gotta remember, he was a 'secret" drinker so I was NEVER fully aware of how intoxicated he was so I would stand there, just dumbfounded & at a loss for words to understand this hypocrisy. And when I would finally stutter out.... but these are things that YOU do, these are problems in YOUR life, how do YOU deal with it any better??? He would of course, quickly duck & run.

Now I understand more about his altered state, the addict way of thinking & that he really was judging himself & his own actions and externalizing it on others.

For me it was the forgetfulness of things he had said - alcoholic blackouts. Also, insisting that he had cut down his drinking when there were still 12 bottles of vodka in the recycling......he insisted that they got knocked over......by the cats!!!!!! Also he tends to show me one bottle, indicating he has drunk only half , but I sometimes find a second bottle but then I guess it doesn't count if you drink out of two bottles same time.
Lack of personal care too - AH used to be mega smart but now sits in a dirty stained dressing gown most days, although at the moment, he is getting dressed most days.
Also, leaving ring on and not being aware of safety issues......like leaving door open when he knows the cats have no road sense. I get round this by trying to be around 24/7 but not ideal.
I have experienced similar to 4myboys - he has at times convinced me I am imagang things or embroidering them.

AH definitely loses his filter with me. He will argue about anything he see's on tv with me and act like he's smarter than me because he's 55 n I'm 35.

On his last drunken binge, I asked him (4 hours before his accident) Are you eating food today or is it gonna be a liquid diet again? He said, LIQUID!

He forgets everything!!! He says, I'm getting old! I tell him bullsh!t!!! You don't act this dumb when you're sober!

He has once proclaimed: I don't drive Drunk Drunk! I drive drunk! WHUT?!!! You are so effin stupid.

He pulls away from me. All the hugs, kisses and affection are GONE! (there is a lot of that going on when he's sober) I know when he or I gets home, if he pushes past me at the door, it's on like Donkey Kong.

The lies. He will lie about cutting the grass and NO... That Monster Drink doesn't have Vodka in it! You don't even know what Monster taste like because you don't like it and drink it! I don't like vodka either a-hole but I know what it taste like!

He will zero in on my support system through my brother, and any online groups I visit. What he does not yet realize is that these people are very important to me and were the only ones there for me feverishly praying for his health right after his motorcycle accident. My brother was doing for me and helping me through a grief stricken time where I had NO ONE because his vodka was too important.

Quish,

ROFLMAO!!! That's funny stuff!!!

Man, I can't copy the image and directly paste it here from the kindle...

Here's the link. It'll make you laugh.

http://i.qkme.me/35d304.jpg