I finally have had enough.
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Join Date: Jul 2013
Location: toronto ontario
Posts: 185
I think you did the right thing, even tho it hurts really badly right now. This lady needs serious help that you cant provide. It's ok to be sad, grieve, be angry, but this too shall pass. I hope your life improves soon.
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Join Date: Jun 2013
Location: San Mateo, Ca
Posts: 52
Originally Posted by spiderqueen 
Bigbasscat: So glad the memorial was wonderful, and that your girlfriend could be there for you and with you - sounds like for the last time... (I didn't allow my ABF to accompany my daughters and me to my dad's memorial, for fear of what might happen - before? during?? after???. It's sickeningly clear that he's not able to be a reliable partner or support to me in times of need - even though he desperately wishes to be.)
Meanwhile, I also worry about suicide - I once asked him, if something happened to me would he just drink himself to death? And he answered (quite honestly, I think), "yes." The kicker is, he is committing slow suicide regardless -- as is your AGF.
There is nothing easy about this. I admire your courage and resolve to move her out, and recover your life and sanity. Continued good wishes to you.
Meanwhile, I also worry about suicide - I once asked him, if something happened to me would he just drink himself to death? And he answered (quite honestly, I think), "yes." The kicker is, he is committing slow suicide regardless -- as is your AGF.
There is nothing easy about this. I admire your courage and resolve to move her out, and recover your life and sanity. Continued good wishes to you.
I pointed out that yes, people do take naps, but she's more likely to have "taken a nap" after having a visit from her Russian friend, and the bottle was still on the kitchen counter. I also reminded her that I was through talking about her alcoholism as she's made her choice as how to live, which is her right to do.
I'm thinking that putting down a first, last and security on a living space for her might be the best course of action available to me.
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Join Date: Jun 2013
Location: San Mateo, Ca
Posts: 52
I've been away for sometime, attempting to sort things out in the gentlest fashion, which has failed miserably.
Katie has been fired (drunk otj) spent Oct. 7th - 12th in the hospital with acute pancreatitis, was warned by her Dr. that future drinking would kill her, and was hammered when I came home yesterday.
Denied drinking. I recovered Watermelon vodka bottle 7/8 empty.
Admitted drinking.
She has a place to move to, has paid the first month rent and the SD, but can't move in till Oct. 26th.
Spent an hour on the phone this am w/ her brother, who has come to the conclusion that the only thing we can do is plan her funeral.
Pretty ugly.
Her brother was going to call her - he lives out-of-state, but we don't know if she'll even pick up. She's been bullshitting her out-of-area friends (her local friends all know the score at this point, and she doesn't contact them) and is so far down and so far into denial that niether of us has any idea what may be productive in attempting to help her - she did E me this am and tell me she wouldn't be home tonight, which at one time would scare the hell out of me but now just provides relief.
Katie has been fired (drunk otj) spent Oct. 7th - 12th in the hospital with acute pancreatitis, was warned by her Dr. that future drinking would kill her, and was hammered when I came home yesterday.
Denied drinking. I recovered Watermelon vodka bottle 7/8 empty.
Admitted drinking.
She has a place to move to, has paid the first month rent and the SD, but can't move in till Oct. 26th.
Spent an hour on the phone this am w/ her brother, who has come to the conclusion that the only thing we can do is plan her funeral.
Pretty ugly.
Her brother was going to call her - he lives out-of-state, but we don't know if she'll even pick up. She's been bullshitting her out-of-area friends (her local friends all know the score at this point, and she doesn't contact them) and is so far down and so far into denial that niether of us has any idea what may be productive in attempting to help her - she did E me this am and tell me she wouldn't be home tonight, which at one time would scare the hell out of me but now just provides relief.
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Join Date: Jul 2013
Posts: 565
Originally Posted by bigbasscat
Spent an hour on the phone this am w/ her brother, who has come to the conclusion that the only thing we can do is plan her funeral.
The last conversation I had with my xABF's family 3 months ago was similar to the above; only it was with his mom, who was returning to her home state instead of hanging around and trying to do an intervention. She said the drive reminded her of driving cross country with her deceased husband's ashes in the car: driving while in deep mourning.
Awful.
Take care of yourself, if you can. We are all here for you.
Spider
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Join Date: Jan 2011
Location: Anchorage, Alaska
Posts: 4,719
I am so sorry Basscat. I hate that there is nothing we can forcibly do to stop someone from drinking themselves to death. I even tried Adult Protective Services once, and they said they couldn't really do anything either, if the person was steadfastly refusing services and support.
Prayers,
~T
Prayers,
~T
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Join Date: Jun 2013
Location: San Mateo, Ca
Posts: 52
The AGF is in the process of moving her things out today while I was at work.
I came home earlier today to pick up some paperwork I'd forgot to bring this am, and found her gone, with both the front door and back door to the house left wide open. Living in a good area has it's benefits.
As I came home this afternoon she was leaving, and I asked her if she'd spoken with her brother, which she hadn't, and I asked her to call him and tell him where she's going - this was not received too well, as she knows I've been in contact with him right along, and whatever fairy tale she could tell anyone else, she couldn't tell him.
I'm just hoping somehow she will come around to sobriety, but I'm not going to watch her flush her life waiting.
I came home earlier today to pick up some paperwork I'd forgot to bring this am, and found her gone, with both the front door and back door to the house left wide open. Living in a good area has it's benefits.
As I came home this afternoon she was leaving, and I asked her if she'd spoken with her brother, which she hadn't, and I asked her to call him and tell him where she's going - this was not received too well, as she knows I've been in contact with him right along, and whatever fairy tale she could tell anyone else, she couldn't tell him.
I'm just hoping somehow she will come around to sobriety, but I'm not going to watch her flush her life waiting.
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