bobbysocks

hey guys! guess what i just did? i stuck to my word! after almost 3 yrs of hubby saying "can i buy just one beer?" I promise i wont drink but one and i wont buy anymore this week-month,blah,blah--" (and me giving in -"OK- just one but no more now OK?".) he asked me awhile ago when we went to the store-"can i get just one beer? i promise i wont drink anymore this month." i said "NO WAY! NO MORE ALCOHOL PERIOD AT MY HOME!" i told him he could get mad, leave or whatever he wanted to do. I STUCK TO MY GUNS! i wont say he wont try to sneak some in, but if he does-he goes. and i mean it! i had a flat tire on my car and he changed it. he said "but i changed your tire and i deserve a beer". i said "no, i cook for you, wash your clothes and keep the house spotless,and i dont "deserve" a beer! i dont need a 'reward" for what i do. thats just life. buck up and face it!" im proud of myself for finally ONCE in my life not backing down and giving in to someone!! (sorry about the typing, i cant see too well anymore even with glasses). thanks guys for listening!!!

Kandi25

Great job! You should be super proud of yourself!!!

DreamsofSerenity

Good for you!! The first step is the hardest to take so you should indeed be proud!

I never wear my glasses either.

dandylion

bobbysocks--the journey of a thousand miles always begins with a single step.






dandylion

honeypig

Good for you, bobbysocks! That's a great start w/setting some boundaries for yourself. Keep it up--this is the beginning of owning your own life and going where you want to go.

Take that feeling of strength and tuck it away in your heart for the next time you need it. Now you know it's there and you can use it whenever you need to.

Recovering2

Don't be surprised if you get some push back when you start setting boundaries. That's okay if you do, stay on your path. Good job!

fedupbeyondall

CONGRATULATIONS! You do, however, deserve a nice pat on the back!!!

Shellcrusher

Good for you and yes, Recovering2 made a sobering point.
Backlash can be very rough when you first start setting your boundaries. The Alcoholics don't like you getting in the way.

Sueski

Yay, you!!!!! Good job.

neferkamichael

Bobbysocks, FANTASTIC.

bobbysocks

Thank you so much everyone!!!!!! The support i have recieved here is AMAZING!! and i love you guys for it!! i know i have to be the one (and the only one) to change my situation. nobody can do it but me. and i am! I honestly didnt think i had it in me- ive always been the one to give in to keep the peace and/or make others happy, no matter what cost or harm it did to me. no more. and yes i know there will be backlash. and whining, begging, blaming,cussing, the whole 9 yards. ive been thru it before and to keep the peace ive given in. i guess ive finally reached the point of no return so to speak. ive come to the point in my life where i have to put my foot down and stand my ground or nothing will ever change. i almost felt guilty telling im no-i almost said yes to one beer. but as i was talking to him something said NO! and i listened. and im SOOO happy i did. he has caused me more pain and hurt than i could ever start to tell you about. sober or drunk- he is mean. he calls me vile, nasty, vulgar names and downs me all the time. words hurt too-bad sometimes and he has hurt me really bad many times. but thats ok. i can ignore his words up to a point. if i cant ill tell him to shut up. i now see i dont have to take crap off others and live the way ive been living most of my life(because of what others do) and its a great feeling!! thanks again guys! ill sure keep you all updated!!

Recovering2

Read about detachment. He may try to pull you into a fight, push your buttons, now that you're setting some boundaries. If you learn to detach, he can say what he wants and you can learn to not get caught up in it. He can go off about how awful you are, or how he deserves a beer, and you can say "golly, gosh" and continue on.

bobbysocks

Thank you for your suggestion. I will read about that. Ive already been through 3 yrs with this hubby, (and 2 previous husbands) who were alcoholics. I allowed it to continue and stayed in the situation, so I ended up living in h***. I am at the point that i donot care if I never see him again. I wont allow him to destroy me any further than he already has. I have already been called every bad name imaginable, had every derogatory remark made to me, blamed for everything bad thats ever happened on earth- you name it. believe me- getting caught up in his BS is not going to happen. I am SO ready for him to just go! I am already detached from him-he is like a stranger to me now. I have lost all feelings for him. I dont trust him and i dont love him as much as i thought i did. He destroyed all my trust a long time ago. And I no longer respect him. He sure doesnt respect me and never has. i hate to say this but he has hardened my heart. Especially pertaining to him. This marriage/relationship was a serious mistake and I am the one who must change things. And I am. the support Ive recieved here in the past few days since I joined has shown me I have a right to a decent life too!!

OnawaMiniya

That's awesome. I'm glad to see you feeling good and strong and healthy! Keep it up!

Diva76

Fantastic!
Don't be surprised if he tries to wear you down with his manipulations...
Stick to your guns!
You'll be glad you did

Linda

Shellcrusher

One of the things I like best about SR is that sometimes I get to read a post from someone new to the boards and then in a day I read another post from the same person and there's been an obvious paradigm shift. It's exciting for me to see growth in other people. It just reinforces the concept that we're all able to improve our own situation.

bobbysocks

I knew you guys were right- and you were. And I already knew it was coming- hubby started his whining last night. "I don't have a life anymore, I can't do what I want to do" (get drunk)-blah,blah,blah. I very calmly said "Sure you can-you can do anything you choose at any time, and anywhere. Just not in MY home!" Now he's pouting again and the silence is SO nice! He's not gonna win this one and I think for the first time he is starting to realize I mean business this time. If he gets out of hand, the police dept is one block away from my house-about a 30 second drive. They can handle him if I can't. I think he is planning on moving out the first of August. Well- he was planning on it. Unfortunantly for him (and me) nobody will allow him to come to their homes-his family won't- they know how he is. His parents wont even call him back so I guess that's out too. He says he has a friend in another state he can go stay with but its over 900 miles and he doesn't have transportation (the car is mine too). So unless he walks or his "friend" comes 900mi to get him I don't see that happening either. Oh well- I don't care if he stays or goes. Gone would be better but if he stays he's going to help with the bills-he lives here too. If he leaves, things will be very tight for me financially but that's nothing new to me. I can make it. I was in a lot worse shape when i met him and was getting by all alone. I have to do this myself. Nobody can change anything but me. And I'm working on it. Thank you for letting me talk and thank you all for the support. It makes all the difference in the world having you all to talk to. It really helps and means a lot to me. I'll keep you posted.

bigbasscat

Good on you bobbysocks.