False hope or actual baby steps towards eventual recovery?
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Join Date: Jul 2010
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Sorry to hear it, fedup. Not surprised but still sorry. I know it's a cliche and I believe you get it, but in the end, the only thing that matters is your mastery of yourself. I'm far from that point by the way.
Wicked! I'm happy to have satisfied that need and bring you a little amusement and banana dancing inspiration. I pay attention because I know you do.
Wicked! I'm happy to have satisfied that need and bring you a little amusement and banana dancing inspiration. I pay attention because I know you do.
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Join Date: Jun 2013
Location: Denver, CO
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Ya know, I knew this was going to happen. I knew he was going to sit up all night and stumble into the bedroom at 3am. I knew I wasn't going to get much sleep. I knew all of it was going to happen, yet I still got my feelings hurt. Anyone that knows me knows I don't take defeat easily, sure it might knock me down but then I get right back up, beat it into submission and make it my.........you get the idea. I think it's starting to finally sink in that alcohol is bigger than me. The part that really sticks in my craw is that he is picking it over me. I guess I haven't had enough just yet tho, cause I'm still here. But now it's time to focus on me and focus on getting past this.
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Join Date: Feb 2013
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it's NOT that he is picking alcohol OVER you...he has untreated chronic alcoholism and unless and until he fully admits surrender and embraces a lifetime recovery program, he is incapable of doing anything else.
you can't talk him into it. you can't shame him into it, joke him into it. and the odds of you outlasting the disease are well, slim.
you can't talk him into it. you can't shame him into it, joke him into it. and the odds of you outlasting the disease are well, slim.
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I get that, I really do. It just bugs me so much that there is something that we can't defeat. We have gone though a lot in our time together and overcome a lot of obstacles, but this, this, I don't think we can over come. I don't think he even really wants to. And that, I know, is where I'm getting stuck. It's like watching someone die of a curable terminal illness that they refuse to treat for what ever reason. I'm angry as heck over the fact that this is treatable and he refuses to seek treatment, he refuses to even try to get better.
I don't understand it!!! I don't get it. If I were diagnosed with something that could kill me, but I could treat you can bet your last dollar that my happy butt is going to be getting that treatment.
Can someone please explain the disconnect for me?
I just need to go to Al-Anon. I'm going to a meeting Saturday.
I don't understand it!!! I don't get it. If I were diagnosed with something that could kill me, but I could treat you can bet your last dollar that my happy butt is going to be getting that treatment.
Can someone please explain the disconnect for me?
I just need to go to Al-Anon. I'm going to a meeting Saturday.
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Join Date: May 2013
Posts: 1,218
Originally Posted by fedupbeyondall 
Ya know, I knew this was going to happen. I knew he was going to sit up all night and stumble into the bedroom at 3am. I knew I wasn't going to get much sleep. I knew all of it was going to happen, yet I still got my feelings hurt. Anyone that knows me knows I don't take defeat easily, sure it might knock me down but then I get right back up, beat it into submission and make it my.........you get the idea. I think it's starting to finally sink in that alcohol is bigger than me. The part that really sticks in my craw is that he is picking it over me. I guess I haven't had enough just yet tho, cause I'm still here. But now it's time to focus on me and focus on getting past this.
So I'm not under the illusion that he will suddenly have this epiphany and do a complete turn around just like that.
Yet I wonder how long do I put up with this, is it w orth it? I could stay three more months and he could go get help and be in recovery. I could stay ten more years and it could escalate. I could stay twenty more years and he could have quit and relapse so many years later. I could stay thirty years and watch him die from it...
I know the feeling of being second choice. I don't think however that my AH UNDERSTANDS the true nature of what he is putting me through. He drinks to escape reality, so he doesn't deal with reality. Recently I started very loudly,"I AM A *REAL* PERSON WITH *REAL* FEELINGS! YOU AFFECT ME!" I could see just a glimmer of understanding in his eyes, and he quietly said,"I know."
But even with that acknowledgement I know he does not fully understand. He has lost the ability to feel empathy for the most part.
Lots of ((((((((hugs)))))))) honey. It's so confusing isn't it?
Should I stay or should I go now....
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It's funny Ona that you should add your last line, I was listening to that song on the way to work today. LOL. It is exactly where I'm at. Anvil, you hit the nail (anvil) right on the head, the odds of my outlasting this disease are slim. So why do I keep betting against myself? It's time to hit al-anon, what I've been doing isn't working and like I say, if you change nothing nothing ever changes.....so here we go!
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Originally Posted by fedupbeyondall
It's funny Ona that you should add your last line, I was listening to that song on the way to work today. LOL.
Lol
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I think it applies tho. I think hope in it's general nature is not naive. It's just recognizing when you're putting that hope in the wrong place. I haven't done that yet by any means mind you.
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Originally Posted by fedupbeyondall
The thing is I don't think they are capable of giving a d*mn.
You talked about not "getting" why he isn't getting treatment. It's because he doesn't think he needs it. He is still thinking he can wrestle this problem (and I think he does realize he has a problem--he just doesn't understand the scope and severity of it) into submission on his own steam. He can "manage" it, and he probably thinks he is doing a good job of it, and that you don't appreciate it. It is part of the whole alcoholic dilemma--the disease itself tells you that you don't have it. Astounding as it sounds, it is absolutely true.
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Originally Posted by LexieCat
They aren't even capable of SEEING it, much less giving a damn.
You talked about not "getting" why he isn't getting treatment. It's because he doesn't think he needs it. He is still thinking he can wrestle this problem (and I think he does realize he has a problem--he just doesn't understand the scope and severity of it) into submission on his own steam. He can "manage" it, and he probably thinks he is doing a good job of it, and that you don't appreciate it. It is part of the whole alcoholic dilemma--the disease itself tells you that you don't have it. Astounding as it sounds, it is absolutely true.
You talked about not "getting" why he isn't getting treatment. It's because he doesn't think he needs it. He is still thinking he can wrestle this problem (and I think he does realize he has a problem--he just doesn't understand the scope and severity of it) into submission on his own steam. He can "manage" it, and he probably thinks he is doing a good job of it, and that you don't appreciate it. It is part of the whole alcoholic dilemma--the disease itself tells you that you don't have it. Astounding as it sounds, it is absolutely true.
BTW, thanks for always having your proverbial 2x4 ready. :rotfxko
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Join Date: May 2013
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Originally Posted by LexieCat
They aren't even capable of SEEING it, much less giving a damn.
You talked about not "getting" why he isn't getting treatment. It's because he doesn't think he needs it. He is still thinking he can wrestle this problem (and I think he does realize he has a problem--he just doesn't understand the scope and severity of it) into submission on his own steam. He can "manage" it, and he probably thinks he is doing a good job of it, and that you don't appreciate it. It is part of the whole alcoholic dilemma--the disease itself tells you that you don't have it. Astounding as it sounds, it is absolutely true.
You talked about not "getting" why he isn't getting treatment. It's because he doesn't think he needs it. He is still thinking he can wrestle this problem (and I think he does realize he has a problem--he just doesn't understand the scope and severity of it) into submission on his own steam. He can "manage" it, and he probably thinks he is doing a good job of it, and that you don't appreciate it. It is part of the whole alcoholic dilemma--the disease itself tells you that you don't have it. Astounding as it sounds, it is absolutely true.
He knows he has a problem. But he knows not the depth.
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And, you are probably exactly right. He sat up all night last night thinking I don't appreciate anything he's doing. Well he asked me not to bring it up tho. SOOOOOOO, how do I tell him that I'm proud of him when he makes steps towards recovery without actually bringing it up? Seriously? If he were one of the pups I would scratch him behind the ear, rub his belly and feed him a treat. I want that changer machine that little girl came up with on the AT&T commercial but instead I would make a puppy husband instead of a puppy brother.
HMMMMMM someone needs to get working on this device immediately.
HMMMMMM someone needs to get working on this device immediately.
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Originally Posted by fedupbeyondall
But isn't it logical that if someone is telling you how you affect them that some part of you would realize that what you're doing isn't working? Or is that where I steered wrong? Logic doesn't really seem to play into alcoholism very well huh?
I've pointed out to him that it's also easier to talk about quitting while drunk! Because he feels better while drunk! While sober, all he can think about is getting drunk, I'm sure!
Edited because Swype sucks lol
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